Sunday, October 29, 2006

The Aftermath
When I was in middle school and the first year of high school I remember walking out to the bus in the morning (we have a really long drive way) and in the winter I would be freezing and always wonder why I just couldn't remember how it felt to be really warm like when it was a million degrees in the summer.

While sitting on the bathroom floor for the third time and final time in the period of 12 hours sure that Mr. Darcy and his friend in the next room had heard this round- despite my clever running of the faucet- because I was hitting the bottom of the barrel so to speak of the contents of my stomach and the feriocious exits of liquids (which can be kept relatively quiet if you're willing to stick your head in the toilet at little farther) was giving way to the dreaded "no more liquid inside dry hack cough" which is much harder to disguise I thought "why don't I remember this feeling when I'm drinking?" Oh I probably should have mentioned you might want to wait to read this if you're eating. But despite that fact that I could easily go and add that to the top I won't because I am an idiot who forgets this time and time again so I'm burning the ideas into your heads to hopefully keep if from happening again.

So maybe if you see me a) drinking like a sailor on leave, b) doing shots, c) doing shots then hard alcohol then beer, d) doing all the previous with only a half of chipotle burrito and some bean and cheese dip in my stomach, or e) anything that has ever made you throw up in your life- remind me of it. Remind me that I have yet again pulling a muscle somewhere in my back from emptying the contents of my stomach. Remind me that I always feel like an asshole for wasting a perfectly good sunday shaking uncontrollably.

Oh and I'd like to thank one of you (who shall remain nameless) for telling me a certain story awhile ago... because when I half woke up at 4:30a.m. doing the pee-pee dance in bed in the pitch black and half trying to figure out where the bathroom is/half waiting for someone in a dream to get out of the bathroom when the thought crossed through my mind - I don't care where I am I'm going to go right here- I think your story flittered through my head and brought me full awake and I got up and went to the bathroom. I thank you.

I'm going to go try and eat now that the cranberry juice seems to be staying on the inside (or at least going through the pipes in the correct manner)


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