Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Losing My Religion and other fun stories

So lately Mr. K and I have been having a discussion, often times very heated, about what to do when we have kids. It's the age old question "to baptize or not baptize?" I am not a religious person, never have been and don't believe I ever will be. While my mother is Jewish, and therefore technically I am as well, my father is Catholic. I went to a Jewish Sunday school like thing when I was young. I don't remember a thing. I have always had a Christmas tree but we have also lit the menorah for Hannukah. We colored and hit Easter eggs and I probably even ate a ham on easter. I have even gone so far as to follow my friend up for communion when I was 12. I had NO idea what I was doing. I had slept over at her house the night before and went with her and her family to church the next day. When she got up to take communion I just followed her. In hind sight, perhaps someone, anyone, should have told me to sit my ass down. But nobody did so I took communion. In late high school I started going to a passover seder with my mom. It was at her friends house and I went to be a good daughter. Overtime they became good friends of the family and in some ways like my second set of grandparents. I continued going through college, again to be a good daughter, and to now see the people I had grown close to.

My knowledge of religion is in most ways nonexistent. If someone asked me what I was I'd say agnostic. If I was forced to make a choice, you know, in those all too often life and death situations, I'd pick Judaism. Not because I necessarily feel like a Jew but because I like what I know about it and again, my knowledge is minimal.

I feel that even with this limited knowledge of religion I have turned out ok. My mother raised me with good morals and values and ethics and while I may judge people, a lot, I am a good person. What this all comes down to is that I don't see the point/purpose/reason to have my children, whenever the day is that I have them, baptized. Mr. K however feels very strongly about it. He was raised Lutheran. His church is fine but I don't think that being a Lutheran is for me. I think that we should raise our children with good morals, values, ethics and faith and expose them to different religions and then let them decide what works for them. Mr. K is ok with this plan BUT he still wants to have the children baptized. When I protest, telling him that having our kids baptized in the Lutheran church means they are Lutheran he tells me I am wrong. So, I pose my first question to you, the loyal readers of 3:00 candy - am I wrong? If someone could please shed some light on this for me it would be greatly appreciated.

Mr. K and I have also discussed the possibility of picking a religion different from the ones we were raised with and going that route. I am ok with this, I think. I say "I think" because if you'll refer to the rambling above, I don't see the need to raise my kids in a religious way. Adding to all of this is of course the issue of how do we make a decision that doesn't piss off our parents. Probably mine more than his. Did I mention that my cute, adorable nephew is now Catholic? Yep, he was baptized just after Christmas. That should be fun to watch. He has one catholic parent and one absolute atheist. I predict a lot of fun in that family in the future. Back to the topic at hand, my mother seems very upset by having a catholic grandson even though her son is atheist and wasn't exactly raised Jewish. We never had bar/bat mitzvahs. Mr. K's family is just as confusing. While his one sister tells me how happy it would make his mom to have our kids baptized Lutheran, because that's a good reason to do it, Mr. K's father seems more laid back about it and just wants us to something, anything. Well, almost anything. He did mention it would be bothersome if we joined something cult like. Can't you see me doing that? Suddenly I'm pentacostal and speak in tongues or we are born again and super self righteous. Don't think that's a problem we'll have to deal with.

So we both kinda know that for me to get behind this I have to be comfortable with what we eventually choose. While I certainly don't want to insult anybodies religious views, I personally cannot belong to a church that believes Mary was a virgin. I just can't get behind that. I believe in Darwin and creationism and while you may be reading this and thinking "that's fine, you can still be (insert religion here) and have those views," you have to understand I can't. I take religion very literally so it's hard for me to separate what they say from what I believe. If they say something I don't agree with I write it off as something I can't belong to. I'm not that way with other stuff in my life but if I'm going to suddenly pick a new religion, I don't want to half ass it. I believe that religion should be open and accepting and not say that gays are bad or that if you have sex before you are married you are going to hell. If that's the case, there has to be a deep dark corner of hell for me.

What this leads me to is that I am probably more confused than ever before in my life. I have been doing some research (via Wikipedia b/c it's reliable of course) and Mr. K and I have talked about the possibility of maybe someday joining a Unitarian church. Obviously we have to go and check it out and make sure we are comfortable with it but we've got some time.

So if I have so much time before I have to make a decision why bring this up now you might ask? Good question. Basically it's b/c 1. I think about it, a lot, 2. I could use your insightful, witty input dear friends and 3. because sometimes it really bothers me that I have to do this at all. I know, I know, compromise is what marriage is all about and I'm willing to compromise but normally Mr. K put up a fight for a little bit and then gives in. I think I was hoping he'd do that with this too. Apparently this is actually important to him and because of that I am willing to compromise.....I think. :)

Other side notes - I believe that mangoes are the best fruit ever and I would eat one every day if I could afford to. However, I would probably get sick of them but for the sake of argument, let's just say I wouldn't get sick of them.

Lastly, I have started taking yoga. I've only had two classes so far and they are beginner level but I really enjoy it. At the beginning of class it's a bit difficult for me to lay still for 10-15 minutes and just breath (perhaps ADD???) but by the end of class I could fall asleep on that floor and am so relaxed and my spine is so stretched it's marvelous. I look forward to moving up a level after this class is over in March. Now I know why TFMD loves yoga so much. Granted I am quite a few levels behind her I really truly enjoy it and someday hope to be able to have an educated conversation with her about it.

So that is all my fair friends. I have successfully wasted enough time at work and now the work day is almost over. I am off to see Atonement with my mother tonight but first must stop at home and make sure that Mr. K is still alive as he stayed home from work sick today and didn't answer when last I called to check on him. On that note, I'm out.

Margeaux

2 Comments:

Blogger the fabulous mrs. darcy said...

I'd say Catholic Lite* is where it's at. All the guilt but half the corporal mortification.

I have a religious post as well AND a movie review that I've been only posting in my head so stay tuned!


*Episcopalian for those not raised in snarky New England.

4:48 PM  
Blogger snuffaluffacis said...

Hmmm - most controversial posting of the year so far - well done Magreaux.

Here's my two cents:

If you are agnostic then you leave the door open to the possibility of committing to a religion at some point in the future. If that happens in the future then naturally you may want all your peeps on board.

But if you don't really have a position either way on baptism then you should consider giving this one up (or compromise) - unless you really do feel strongly about it.

One other comment - you suggest that "I personally cannot belong to a church that believes Mary was a virgin." Whilst I am not catholic I think the purpose of this story is that mary was a virgin when jesus was conceived. I don't believe she remained a virgin the rest of her days (at last for Joseph's sake I would hope not) - besides i think they probably had more kids after that.

10:48 AM  

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