Catharcis

Thank you Clem & The Future Mrs. Darcy for peer pressuring me into the MySpace fad. I have just been in touch with my very best friend from the 6 grade - high school, we'll call her TMK.

I remember her in 6th grade math class. She wore her dad's Italian soccer sweatshirt often. She was neighbors with my first boyfriend. I never felt cool enough to be her friend. I remember walking from her grandparent's house to her parents house singing "smack it up, flip it, rub it down" lyrics to Bell Biv DeVo thinking we were totally mature, even though it would be years before either of us, were smacked up, flipped, or rubbed down. I remember her house as a refuge from mine. I wanted her parents to be mine and her siblings to be mine and her house to be mine. I spent so many nights at her house her parents probably thought I was homeless. I remember skating at GR8 SK8 with her doing figure spins in the center of the rink. I remember driving her nuts with my constant humming. She had more posters of NKOTB than I had. She hated her thick, curly hair. I loved it. I loved her.

During my freshman year of high school, I moved in with my Aunt, because my Mom's husband told me that I was the source of their marital problems. I left a comfortable school environment where I wasn't the coolest girl, but I wasn't beaten up either. I soon had to find new people to eat lunch with. TMK was my refuge on the weekends, but after a while I felt that I wasn't welcomed as eagerly. It was around this time when I met my future husband and his friends. I started spending more and more time with them on weekends. My Dad, to appease me, got an apartment back in my old school district. I spent my Junior & Senior years back with TMK. She would drive me to school with the windows rolled up to fishbowl the pot smoke. I felt she would soon burn out and ruin her future, but couldn't confront her b/c I was so desperate for her friendship. I now realize that I was judgemental and not able to allow teenagers to be teenagers because I was too busy being a grown-up. I became more and more independent as I started to drive, work all my weekends waitressing from 5 p.m. to 3 a.m. and date a college student. This is when we drifted apart. Graduation came and went.

I attended a private, liberal arts college in the city. She attended a small private college in our hometown. I tried to reach her a few times on the phone, but was unsuccessful, either our conversations were abrupt or calls weren't returned. I got the picture that life was taking us on different paths.

In 2002, I ran into her Mom. I was throwing a party that weekend and so I called TMK up and invited her. She came with some friends but I was so unsure of how or what to say so I drank too much and we never properly caught up. Now I have the opportunity to make that up to her. I want to tell her that she had nothing to feel insecure about, she was beautiful. In fact we were both beautiful at 12, 14, 17 because we were young. Because we were innocent. I want to tell her how much her friendship meant to me. My life was like an open book back then, I shared personal info about my home life that I wish I'd kept to myself, but she always supported me. That was more important than she knows.

-Scarlett