Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Wind it Up
An update of the life of The Future Mrs. Darcy as told in 3 Acts


Yesterday morning in my first venture out of the living quarters of the apartment down the hall into the public quarters of the house on my way to turn put on the kettle for some yummy oatmeal while keeping an ever vigilant eye out for the wee mouse who has only made one appearance to myself (but that my friends is enough), I was confronted with low erroneous noise which is my least favorite kind of noise. I immediately tracked it down to the xbox which was whirring out of control. I was mere inches from shutting it off when I realized- hmm perhaps I should not turn off the xbox despite it's horribly annoying whirring because maybe it being on could signify something to Mr. Darcy and stopped. I believe this sort of thought is the kind of thought that saves marriages or marriages-to-be. In fact, Mr. Darcy had recently to go on another xbox kick after months of dormancy and was planning on beating Splinter Cell "Mario Brother Style" which apparently means keeping it on pause constantly. GOOD JOB BRAIN! GOLD STARS FOR WHICH EVER AREA MADE THAT THOUGHT. No gold stars to the part of me that said "hmm the bag seems to have come unsealed with malicious intent or bad engineering in the vending machine but I'm sure it's ok to eat these stale fruity snacks anyway" {side note: if anyone gets word I'm in the hospital- please tell the nice doctors that story}.

Also no gold stars for the part of the brain that decided- DESPITE REPORTS FROM OTHER PARTS OF THE BRAIN THAT I WAS HUNGRY, TIRED, FRUSTRATED, AND INSECURE- to spark a conversation with Mr. Darcy that I don't think I like my job and I'm not sure if everything I've been working for in the last 10 years is what I want to be doing on the way to the grocery store which led to crying in the produce and meat department and sulking for a half an hour in line. Mr. Darcy has been convinced for awhile that I don't like doing what I'm doing and is even now more resolute in his conviction now that I've been at 2 jobs and haven't be happy and thinks that I should get a new job in a related field ASAP.

Now take a second and pretend someone just told you they are going to hold you down, light your hair on fire and then burn your ipod with the flames.

That is the reaction I have both inside and out to the thought of a) finding a new job and b) finding a new job that is not designing but still somehow related to it. And we don't know what that job is. It's mystery design related job that I may like more than what I'm doing now or I may hate. And since I don't hate my job now- I just feel incredibly anxious that I'm screwing things up and I feel like no one likes what I'm doing and they give a lot of changes until they finally throw up their hands and think "ugh well I guess this is as good as it's going to get" and we go with that. Or sometimes I feel like they're saying something is good and they're really blowing smoke up my ass. And, yeah, sometimes I actually feel like I am doing well and I know what I'm doing but that is fewer and far between.

To make everything more complicated that's never really happened. I feel like most jobs I've had I've always been the star employee and here I feel like people act have a touch of amazement when they tell me I did something good. NOW. Am I just spoiled and can't deal with having a tough time somewhere? It's not like jobs have come naturally- I've worked to be good at most of them. So I don't know. I don't know I don't know I don't know.

Also I don't know how this fits in but there has been quite a bit of talk in the Darcy household about returning to our cold homeland. Or rather, east of Mr. Darcy's homeland where they park cars in harvard yard and root for the red sox and other nonsense like that. Scarlet- I have to show you pictures of the 3 unit houses Mr. Darcy took a look at over Thanksgiving which he wants to "fix up" and rent out. It makes your Death Trap look like Martha Stewart's Compound.

And that's about it. Past, less past-kinda present, and the bogs of the mind.


P.S.- I write everything in a non-addressed Entourage email as to not be suspicious at work so this is probably as formatted as it gets... SORRY


Blogger Scarlett said...

Oh sweety, you've just hit that time of your life when you realize work hit me at 26 also. Eventually you succumb to numbing yourself with lots of alcohol.

Take care of yourself and try looking at the Fool.

9:47 PM  
Blogger Clementine said...

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey

He is a smart man !

11:33 AM  

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