Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Rules of Drunk Dialing as forwarded by Emily. (slightly narrated by me in parantheses)

1. Only drunk dial when you are drunk. Everything else is false
.It is okay to call someone 27 times in one night. If you don't remember
it, it didn't happen. (too bad that your call log remembers)
.If you are going to drunk dial a family member, say something nice. Ex. "Mom I'm in McDonald's and they're playing our song. I love you" (Do not attempt big words as they are much easiert to slur)
.Dirty talk while drunk dialing is always preferred. Who doesn't want to hear your best raspy, phone sex voice at 3 in the A.M. asking to bend them over something.
.Voicemails are always better. This way your friend can let their friends have fun at your expense for days, even weeks to come.
6.Drunk texting is alright... If you are prepared to read what you wrote the
next day when you are sober. (See #2)
.It is definitely a good idea to call all of your exes and remind them that you were the best lover they've ever had and everything they know, they learned from you. This way you can sleep well at night. (Unless you are married then not recommneded)
.You can also call this same ex and let him/her know, that you know, that he/she still loves you. Then explain to him/her that I would still love me too! (Again, not for the married folk)
.If you are a frequent dialer, never get mad if someone dials you. Be happy they thought of you in this special time.
.It is always a good idea to sing on someone's answering machine or voicemail. Especially a show tune. (OR A 5 MIN. FREESTYLE RAP IS ALWAYS GOOD TOO)
.Drunk dialing should be fun and light hearted or dirty and sex crazed...Never angry.
.Most likely you will never drunk dial your best friends. They are usually the ones taking your phone away and reminding you that "you have a problem".
.If you deleted a number sober, it was probably for a good reason. Do not try to retrieve this number. Nothing good can come from it.
.Always call someone you know. Finding random numbers in phone books is bad and usually leads to angry dialing.
.If your cell phone dies, remember everything happens for a reason. Never
borrow a friend's phone to do your dialing.
. Drunk dialing to a foreign country is usually too costly to be a good idea. But if you feel like if you don't call this person you'll just die, break rule 15 and use a friend's phone. (I once called Russia for 17 minutes on my dad's calling card, we had a laugh about that one since I only know niet and dasviedanya (hooked on phonics) and couldn't possibly have been drunk enough to say that for 17 minutes)
.Drunk dialing may lead to drunk muffin stuffing.... Be prepared. ( I can only assume that means eating food...)
.When dialing remember that "hanging out" at 3 in the A.M. usually doesn't involve cards it's probably going to be more like cheap lube and handcuffs.
So be prepared when you really do want to play X-box when your drunk....."you want me to do what with your box? Play with it?"
.Don't drunk dial in the pool, tub, or rainstorm. It only ends up with you blow drying your phone when youre far too drunk to be using electronics and you wont be able to drunk dial anymore that night.
.Never, I repeat, never drunk dial your boss, preacher-grandpa, or friend's parents. If you are that hard up to call someone, there is an 800 number on Budweiser boxes. The person on the other line always sounds cute, plus I think they are used to drunk dialers. (1-800-DIRECTV works too)



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