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To all the trick-or-treaters who knocked on my door last night, I apologize. I was home, hiding from you and avoiding opening the door. I would hear you coming, courtesy of either the dog barking on the first floor indicating that you had just pounded on his door or from you pounding on my neighbors doors yelling “trick-or-treat.” I would hear you coming and quickly turn the TV down so you would not know there was actually somebody inside watching “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway” and scream at me until I conceded and opened the door – shamefaced. I apologize because I had no candy to give. You see, it’s my first time in this neighborhood and I did not know if you would come. The fact that there is an elementary school down the street should have been a clue but alas, it wasn’t. I did not want to have bags of candy sitting around my house if you did not come so I was not prepared. Yes, I know, I could have brought the uneaten candy to work but to be honest, I just didn’t feel like it. However, once it became obvious that I was not prepared, I was going to drive to the store to buy candy for you. However, as I was about to leave to get in my car I realized I did not actually have my car and that MCE did and I was not going to be able to purchase the needed candy. At this time I began to search frantically through my kitchen for items I could pass off as appropriate treats. My options were: 6 bottles of beer (maybe not appropriate but darn tasty – one was even pumpkin flavored), 3 apples, 9 granola bars (assorted flavors), 5 special k bars and 10 individually wrapped weight watchers cakes (each worth 1 point). I felt that this was a poor showing and that certain items perhaps would not in fact be deemed appropriate by the parental figures escorting you. Please accept my deepest apologies and know that I will make it up to you next year – perhaps even giving each child who knocks on my door 3 pieces of candy.

Your cowardly neighbor,
Margeaux