Monday, April 16, 2007

Lots of things to cover so let's get to it, shall we?

1.) Currently without a breakfast obsession. I thought the generic Vanilla Creme Shredded Mini-wheats was gonna inspire a new great obsession...Oh how wrong I was! It smells like fake vanilla and nothing offends my sensibilies more than fake vanilla.

2.) Since the world of retail is not as G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS as sung by Fergie or portrayed by David Spade and the late Chris Farley, it's not all fluffing and folding you know...and since this world is slowing driving me insane I have devised a system to rate my day. I will assign yesterday 3 eye rolls!

The first eye roll came when Michael Scott on Steroids (aka my creepy boss) worked one hour of his 8 hour shift, claiming ill. He is ill every ill in fact that he can't finish his shift.

The second eye roll came when I found that Michael Scott on Steroids left a print out of a fowarded joke by the employee fridge. The joke went lamely like this:

A Baptist church in South Carolina had an especially big busted organist. Her breasts were the source of much scandal, especially for the old ladies in the church. These ladies approached the organist and suggested that she use ground persimmons applied directly to the breasts to minimize their size. This suggestion was followed with a warning to not eat any of the persimmons or it would pucker up one's face making speaking properly impossible. The following Sunday the preacher stood at the pulpit and said, "Unforthunately, due to thircumthanes bewond my conthrol, we thall not have a thermon thith mowning."

Third eye roll came when Michael Scott on Steroids called late in the afternoon from the comfort of his home to ask how sales were, (as if he cares) I suspect these calls are made to make him feel important & / or needed, which niether apply. Anyway he was making small talk with me since I answered the phone. Our conversation ended with him making unnecessary commentary on my husband's position of telecommuting. He brought it up not me.

MSOS: So you have tomorrow off?
Me: Yes, I'm off from both of my jobs.
MSOS: Yeah, I thought Monday was your "husband" day.
Me: Umm...well Monday is a work day for my husband.
MSOS: Man! Working from home must be weird. I guess you have to have a lot of discipline or you'd goof off all day.
Me: My husband has a lot of responsibilities and rather enjoys his job so....
MSOS: Yeah, but if I worked from home I wouldn't get anything done.
Me: Well I guess it's good that it falls to his shoulders and not yours.

It drives me insane that this man, who has spent less than 30 seconds of time with Rhett, feels comfortable making conversation so easily about him. MSOS knows the following facts:
Rhett works from home for a website.
Rhett uses a computer to communicate with his work.

From these facts he has made the following generalizations:

- Rhett should start listening to this talk radio show which discusses conspiracy theories about the gov't, aliens and how the gov't conspires to hide aliens.
(MSOS has derived that all people who work with computers must be socially inept like the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons and have fascinations with conspiracy theories - despite the fact that I told him nothing would irritate Rhett more than listening to a bunch of psuedo-scientists talking crap!)

- Rhett must be a lot like MSOS. They seem to be a lot alike.
(No, in fact Rhett is nothing like MSOS. MSOS would know that if my husband spent any significant amount of time with him, which he never will because Rhett thinks MSOS is a tool with a capital "T" - which he is, of the worst kind)
3.) I'm seriously considering dying my hair dark brown a la Ashlee Simspon. I'm taking a poll as to who thinks this is a good idea or a bad idea.

4.) The Reach Arounds have practiced and decided on a set list for the house concert this weekend. These songs were chosen from the short list that a) the Town Cryer knows how to play b) are in my vocal range and c) I know the words. We will play:

Time After Time a la Cyndi Lauper

Oh My Sweet Carolina a la Ryan Adams

The Blower's Daughter a la Damien Rice

I Will Remember You a la Sarah McLaughlin

- Scarlett


Blogger Margeaux Kramer said...

You work with Michael Scott and I work with Dwight Schrutt (sp?). Have one of those coworkers who is a really nice guy but definitely thinks he's the assistant director and ALWAYS tells the rest of us how he has the most experience. Glad that's gotten him the same job title and salary as those of us who have "less" experience.

8:10 PM  

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