Funtimes.


Had a jumpin good time at Porters and Angry Inch last night with Mrs. & Mr. Popodop (remember them?) [i kid], Scarlett, Clem and Petra [is it petra- still seems like a strange name]. I feel like I'm a jawbreaker made of tasty layers of miller light, stale smoke and dried sweat but we'll be taking care of that little nuisance real soon.

I thought I'd fill everyone in my night though where I left you... in front of Angry Inch arguing that I didn't need a chaperone and would have felt guilty had I taken everyone out of their way to do so.

SO upon leaving the crowd I instantly realized that (as I had eluded to in my "don't make me act like a petulant college freshman and run away" statement) I probably hadn't been unsupervised in such a fashion since college. This prompted the soundtrack in my head to start playing "When I was a boy" by Dar Williams which was a correct sentiment but poor tempo [try again BRAIN!].

Secondly, like any sensible woman I began to prepare for my upcoming mugging. I figured I had a $10 bill and a $20 bill so the 20 went in the bra and the 10 stayed in the purse as the hit I was willing to take. I hate waiting in the DMV lines so in went license to the bra as well, and the smarttrip card was probably the most valuable thing on my but i need that soon so into the back pocket with you, oh wait RING- let's just turn that puppy around. So all in all that left the credit card (which I could cancel immediately), the 10 and the cell in the purse. Oh and i need the keys so into the pocket with them... hmmm. And sure enough when all my crap was settled- sketchy people appeared.

Thankfully I kind of jogged up to straggle behind a group of girls leaving that bar where the kickball people always go so the sketchiness came across one of the girls first and she managed to eh- sort of dodge them but she had other friends around including a boy who was had defintely picked up the pace when sketchiness approached to get to her. So since she was more the target of the would be groping her sidestepping on the whole event was enough distraction that I could walk around the whole lot of them.

But they were going to their car so no use to me so I ran up the street and became the sketchiness myself when I stop next to some random guy and say "Are you going to the metro? Can I walk with you?" to which he gave me the "sure weird girl look" and we walked together. In the process, I might add, I won two bets (West Point IS in new york state and the trains were not there in less than 7 minutes). The best point of that whole situation is when we got to the station and realized that was 10 minutes until my train and 13 until his train he held out his hand and I shook it and said "thank you for not letting me get raped or mugged" and we waited separately for our trains and weren't forced to make more awkward small talk.

So I sit on the floor reevaluating my stash of various cards and money on my person while stretching out my hip flexors in yoga Cow Face Pose. License check; 20 check; smarttrip check; purse check; keys in pocket-- HOLY FUCKING SHIT I WAS CARRYING THE KEYS FOR MR. DARCY, GROOMSMAN #2, AND I AND I ORIGINALLY SAID I'D TRY AND GET HOME A LITTLE AFTER MIDNIGHT AND IT'S 3 O'CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING!!!!

And there's a little envelope on my phone which has been sitting on the ledge all night away from where I can feel it's wee vibrating. Not very familiar with this phone yet so trying to find where the message is coming from - it's not a voicemail - finally find the text area - it's another text from washington post from Popodop the post apparently sent twice. I send a text to mr. darcy saying "please tell me you go in..." and i get an instant reply back saying his phone number doesn't accept media like this.... so all i could do is wait. If worse came to worse they could have come to the bar to get the keys and hopefully found us in our corner upstairs or have gone to the townie bar down the street from our house and wasted time there but that place closes at 2... shit shit shit.

Ok nothing to do but wait for the train which thankfully showed right about then. Yada yada yada train ride home. Get home and vigilently walk home through our ridiculously safe neighborhood... which just had an armed robbery at night with a m-fing SHOTGUN a couple of nights ago. SO vigilently walking... while trying to text Popodop so when i got home she'd know i got in safe so... completely distracted text messaging for a second/very vigilent looking around.

Indeed made it through the little trail in the woods and realize it's probably even late for armed robbers to be out and no one is sitting outside my door- boys are inside sleeping sound. Phew!

This morning Mr. Darcy and I are chatting as I'm thrashing about in bed trying to get comfortable and he's getting ready to shoot his friends with paintballs and he comes over and leans down and stares at me and is like "you haven't realized yet have you?" which immediately brings me back to the matter at hand of keys and thankfully/not thankfully they realized it as they had made it back to the apartment- walked around to the back, Groomsman #2 gave Mr. Darcy a leg up and he jumped onto the balcony where he then saw I was a good little girl and put the bar in the track of the door BUT he left the window cracked so he popped that out and in he went in a short couple of minutes. So good news is he got in... bad news someone with Mr. Darcy's skill of B&E (which is compiled from Law and Order episodes and various video games) could get in in like 2 minutes.

So that is that. I am going to wash off the filth and maybe make myself a tastey breakfast burrito (which for the records contains the same damn thing as my non time stamped burritos) and then go shopping in friendship heights. If anyone is doing anything let me know!