Move over Melanie Griffith, there is a new working girl in town!

It's official, you're reading the words of the newest part-time "holiday help" team member of a big chain retailer of over-priced, low quality furniture, scented candles and decorative pillows made by political dissidents for 2 cents an hour in a country I couldn't locate on a world map. I get $7.50 an hour and a 20% discount.

My first shift was today. I wore the wrong shoes, ouch! I have a sneaking suspicion that the Christmas music played on a continuous loop will drive me to put my flask to use. All and all it was pretty okay. I basically walked around fluffing pillows and pulling candles to the edge of shelves for 7 hours. I'm considering making this a career. I am so pleased to be the first person to find out what new merch arrived. (Merch is "shop talk" for merchandise!) Yeah, I'm totally cut out for this job. Here's why:

1) I like to talk and this affords me like 100 people with whom I'm paid to chit chat
2) Pretty things to look at all day
3) Our old office didn't offer me a view of the sky except at lunch time, when everyone was willing to pay $10 a day for lunch out where one could see some blue. At the big chain retailer, three walls are windows. Can't get more blue sky unless I plan to landscape for a living.
4) No one will expect me to set aside my personal life to stay on a Friday night until midnight.
5) It takes me 8 minutes to drive to the big chain retailer VS 45 effing minutes to get 7 effing miles from Alexandria to Arlington
6) No one expects anything of me, being only "holiday help" VS my old boss who expected me to be the boss
7) I can tell rubes from the country that that ugly piece of shit vase retailing for $60 is "All the rage on the East-Coast" with the utmost sincerity. It's a talent, lying well.
Reasons 8 - 10 are assorted variations on "no one expects anything of me."

Scarlett
Sales Associate, Giver of "Wow" Customer Service, Merchandiser Extraordinaire