We got some more press:

http://www.ilistpaducah.blogspot.com/

Scarlett

A little more than 3 hours before my long (5 day) weekend starts!

So rather than do work, I shall blog about random things.

First, I started a new Nike Competition. The goal this time is to run 100 miles in 5 weeks. If you don’t meet the weekly goal, you get kicked out. Talk about motivation. So before I do anything tonight, I must run. I’m thinking 4 miles today and 4 over the weekend will suffice. And since I have Mon-Wed off, getting my miles done early in the week will be no problem. I just find it hard to run over the weekend. Usually because I am just too tired (or hungover).

Next, I would like to share two new shows I’ve stated watching.
Top Chef
This show inspires me to cook. I mean I am no Chef, but believe me I have come a long way. In fact last Sunday, I marinated pork and then grilled (ok well I didn’t grill, but I marinated it), steamed asparagus, roasted new potatoes with lemon horseradish, and made biscuits. Yummy.
But back to the show. All, ok well most, of the dishes look fantabulous. And of course there is some drama, but not Real World or Big Brother drama, so I think its bearable. I recently realized that you can look at Bravo and find their recipes. I am going to start doing that. I think I would cook more if I had the time. But let’s be honest, it takes time to do the grocery shopping, prepare the food, and then cook it. So weekends will be ideal for trying out said new recipes.

Next show- UFC.
Ok, now, I know what you are thinking, what is that or why the hell would you watch it? Watch it once and then talk to me. I hate boxing, it’s so boring. But with this show, anything goes. That means kicking, choking, elbowing. Yeah, I suppose it’s a little more violent, but much more entertaining. Ask the men if you life and see what they think.

Ok….well plans for tonight have just been confirmed. I feel like I’ve been locked up. All I have done this week is work and run. Well except for last night. We went to go see Die Hard, surprisingly it was pretty good. Not all fighting and things exploding, and some funny parts. I kinda am a Bruce fan today.
Oh, tonight right. Um, going out to the bar where there will be a thong contest. I will do my best NOT to get drunk to the point where I think I have a fabulous ass and want show it off my thong!

I will end my tangent there for today.

Clem

Just got back from the show. I'll blog in more detail later, but it was sooo exciting to be a part of this really cool thing. NPR totally showed up and interviewed a bunch of people.

I should really be getting to bed.

Scarlett

Impulse Galore
So after reading about these on the 100th blog i just went for it. They are on backorder until August 10th but that still gives me a solid month of leg toning before the wedding AAAAND what do you think of these as attendant gifts? Good? Bad? I got mine at blissworld since they told me what the backorder date was as opposed to bath and body works.

Pop had better get her ass blogging.... :-)

So I won't have time to blog tomorrow as it's the show where we've invited a bunch of P-towners. We have over 100 people reserved. And a reporter from NPR will be there. We're excited. Cross your fingers for a successful event.

Lates,
Scarlett

My suggestion would be to look at OnTap .

They are always organizing things to do. This is actually how I found out about the bar crawl next week. They just had the BBQ Battle, and a few weeks before that was the Chili- Cookoff. That was hot as hell.

You can also look at the Washington Post, they have good restaurant reviews. And who doesn't like to eat?

Speaking of doing things....last Sun I went to my 3rd Cirque show.
I am going to have to say it was my least favorite. I'm happy I went of course, but it was more music based rather than crazy acts. Next time I go to Vegas I am definitely going to go to one there.

Now you have me thinking, I'm not sure what is on my "Summer To-Do List".
Oh! I want to go to Arlington Cinema Drafthouse. Um, and...hmm ok I need to think more about this.

Ok, gotta run. Boss is back, so I need to do some work!
Clem

Went to the doctor yesterday. She thinks I have tendonitis in my left thumb. No clue how it got there. It's been bothering me since March but I've avoided doing anything about it until after the wedding. I now have to take 600 milligrams of ibuprofen every 6 hours and wear a stupid brace for a week or two. Oh, and I have to have xrays. If it's not better in a week or two I have to call the hand surgeon and schedule an appointment. Yippee! If we get to that point it'll suck. Two options the doctor mentioned were injections (yes, please stick a big needle in the base of my thumb right by the bone) or surgery. Both options suck. Lets hope neither has to happen.

Other than that, my life is boring. Taking this Friday off of work to spend the weekend with Mr. K before he goes back to school and I never see him anymore. Heading down to Charlottesville on Friday since I've never been there and feel I should take advantage of it. I feel I should take advantage of a lot of things this year so along with visiting Charlottesville, below is a list of things I plan to take advantage of this year:

• the aquarium in Baltimore
• wine tasting in Virginia
• the different museums of the Smithsonian
• the 9:30 club
• Gettysburg
• Antietam (it's just down the road from our friends)
  
• um, i'm starting to struggle for ideas....help! i know there is more to do in this area than that but those few things are all that come to my mind
  

If you have ideas for other things I need to take advantage of please let me know. Also, TFMD, I have been thinking about it -ok, i really just thought about it for a minute - but I have NO idea what movie my life would be like. Probably something with Freddie Prinze Jr. b/c my life is lame.

So what's everyone up to for the 4th? We only get Wednesday off so I'll be here. I can't complain though and you won't make me feel bad - I get the week between Christmas and New Year's.

OH - which randomly reminds me, Mr. K's dad is no longer going to Iraq! He has sleep apnea and apparently this makes him undeployable. We have no idea what they are going to do with him but he's not going to Iraq so that's good. Can I just say how thankful I am he was here for the wedding b/c seriously, if they had not let him come and then he didn't go to Iraq I'd be pissed!!! As it is my programs say he was/is in Iraq but oh well. I like to think I jinxed it!

Ok Scarlett- I know you are a music guru and look at Gofugyourself.com

So I would like your thoughts on this.

The Future Mrs. Darcy's Weekend Wrap Up in Technicolor.

What did I do this weekend is the classic question that springs to mind on Monday morning. Then I need to think really hard and then sometimes go online and check my credit card b/c that is usually the best indicator of where I have been.

Thursday was a co-worker's of Mr. Darcy's quarter century anniversary of birth at Dave and Busters. Lots of games were played. Lots of drinks drunk. And fun was had by all.

Friday I remember being slightly hung over and generally bored. I believe I did powerpoint for someone which indicated the severity of the boredom and our boss eventually let us out early at 3:30 WHICH is only a half an hour early for me but I'll take what I can get.

This is always where it gets fuzzy. Usually b/c we decide to party all hardcore on Friday night but I distinctly remember NOT doing that this weekend since the first half of last Saturday was lost to us due to hangovers. So now I recall that Mr. Darcy wasn't hungry when he got home so I had some left over mac and cheese at 5 for a snack but then we started watching High Fidelity and ended up making expired popcorn half way and that was dinner that night.

This will be a shock to many but that was my first viewing of High Fidelity. I believe it was a solid movie. My classic test: if it was on TV would I watch again? I give a solid "possibly" to that. While we were watching it I was kind of put off because I'm not one of those types who's all "I was totally listening to Belle and Sebastian in utero" and actually, with the shining exception that is our own Scarlett, I kind of want to kick people like that. Ok hold the phone- in my infinite geekiness I just wikipedia'ed Belle and Sebastian and there is no one in the group named Belle or Sebastian. Ok I'm calling shenanigans on that group! Anyhoo, I was kind of blah to the movie until they revisted Charlie, Catherine Z-J's character. Now THAT I can relate and actually was a mini-breakthrough for me. I don't know how to describe it until you see the movie but I know SO MANY Charlies. Especially in college where Charlies thrive with their crazy cool lifestyles and constant verbal diarrhea sound so cool and were such beautiful people and everyone loved them and I would get close and want to worship at their altars as well but could never really get into them. We'd talk and hang out in class but I was always like - there's something different me and you. Now it's all a little clearer. I turned out liking it in the end and probably should never have gone in thinking that this would totally be like watching my life as a whole troupe of people seem to think. OH awesome idea- do any of you have a movie that you think is totally your life? I am going to get some tea and think it over for myself. I suggest you do the same. Hmm well other than that crazy summer I met Mr. Darcy at the lodge my parents dragged me to in the summer time back when I was all sweet and good and ready to change the world and he took me into his seedy world and taught me how to dance and sang "hungry eyes" and we found out it was Robby the rich waiter who knocked up his old partner and my Dad DIDN"T give Robby the money for that scholarship after all and Mr Darcy and I totally nailed the lift at the end of the season show... Yeah so... No movies really stick out for me. I'm going to think about it more though.

Any thoughts from the peanut gallery for myself your yourselves?


In the mean time I'll move on to Saturday. Saturday we did lots of driving in the jeep. We also did some shopping at the outlets in Leesburg. Then.... Hm.... Ahh we had a nice spaghetti dinner and used our new wine bag cooler which we'll show anyone who comes over. And then we watched Munich. Munich was also good although by the 10th hour I was like "OK let's move on with it". Also half way through we got frustrated and whipped out the laptop to figure out where Lebanon is in relation to Palestine and Israel only to find Palestine wasn't on the f---ing map... Shortly before we gave up we had 8 wikipedia windows open learning about Hamas and Fatah and Abbas this and that all the way back to the dawn of time and DAMN! Previously (Friday morning as a matter of fact) until now my only comment was (whilst listening to NPR on the way to work) that if I was a faction as Hamas or Abbas is I would definitely choose a name that didn't sound so close to the other one. I would use something like "[Other Name] Sux!!" Viva la revolution indeedy.

Ok- Sunday. Sunday we.... Had yummy "melt away pancakes with blueberries and raspberries" from our married couple cookbook (which is awesome) which was a shower present. AHH is my nose bleeding? False alarm. Crazy low/high pressure making me feel all weird. Oh wait. Mr Darcy went and played soccer before then and I worked on invitations. My heart is not strong enough to talk about invitations at that moment. They need to be finished this week and I hate everything and want to burn you on fire. Yes, burn you on fire. That represents how this is eroding my mind and soul. ANYWAY so then we went to get a storage unit b/c our apartment complex sucks and our storage room is over filled with crap that has been marked to be thrown out SINCE JANUARY and it's still not done so we're spending $400 to rent a storage unit until we leave to get a head start on packing. Storage unit place was closed so we went to Giant and got stuff for a cook out instead! Cook out was fun. I did a handstand for the first time. (Completely seemingly unrelated, I know, but we were practicing at yoga Thursday and I didn't quite get it and we don't have room at my apt but nature is larger so I practiced there and YAY!) We also had yummy burger and beer and played Omaha. Then back home where we booked our super 2 week honeymoon in the Rivieria Maya (YAY!!!) then more invitation hell and then to bed.

So that's the weekend.
For all of you interested in what this week has in store. I STILL have no work to do. About 2/3 of our company is in Vegas for a conference but for the rest of us here--- today a) starts of casual dress for the summer and b) is pizza day BUT my super boss decided to take us all out to lunch instead and there are rumors she will let us go after!!! Tomorrow is ANOTHER ice cream social and then Wednesday is MOVIE DAY. I shit you not. There will be 2 showing of Freedom Writers with Hilary Swank which looks like a re-make of that 90s movie with Michelle Pfeiffer where she was in that Coolio video but whatever- it's 2 hours I don't need to fake working.

Ok. So that's that. And it's 10:30-- I give it another hour fifteen until people start gathering up for lunch.

Sweet.

BTW - Where are you people?

DAY 7 of wanting to crawl out of my effing skin...

I'm calling the Dr. tomorrow to rule out an allergic reaction to hazelnuts, because my rash is spreading and it doesn't look too much like poison ivy. I have no idea where I could have come in contact w/ poison ivy. If I have to give up my newly discovered nutella I'm gonna be pissed.

According to the "interweb" Allergen Data Collection:
Hazelnut (Corylus avellana)
..................................................

Abstract

Type 1 allergy to hazelnut is highly associated to pollen allergens from trees of the order Fagales (birch, alder, hazel, hornbeam, and oak). Prevalence of hazelnut hypersensitivity in tree pollen allergic patients ranges from about 70 to 90%. Allergic reactions to tree nuts are often severe, including anaphylactic reactions occurring after accidental ingestion. Hazelnut is responsible for about 13% of acute allergic reactions in tree nut sensitive patients. Frequency of hazelnut allergy is higher in adults than in children. Predictive values of skin tests and specific IgE are relatively low. Detailed information on prevalence, symptoms, and diagnostic features of hazelnut allergy as well as cross-reactivities, molecular biological and allergenic properties of the major hazelnut and hazel pollen allergens are reviewed in tabular form. The major hazel pollen allergen (Cor a 1) as well as the major hazelnut 18-kDa allergen are cross- reactive to Bet v 1 from birch pollen. A 14-kDa hazelnut allergen cross- reacts with birch profilin (Bet v 2). Moreover, several heat stable hazelnut allergens have been identified which are independent of birch pollen. Hazelnut is a common ingredient in processed foods, mainly in confectionery products. Hazelnut oils which are not fully refined may potentially be a threat for nut allergic individuals.


Okay, I'm freaking out.

Operation: Stir The Pot
Your mission should you choose to accept it, rile up the folks in Western KY (the state not the lubricant, TFMD.)

So, I'm a bit proud of myself. This week, despite horrible skin irritation, I have planned a "theatre in" if you will. Through the power of electronic communication, the intelligent half of P-town has been invited to a special performance of the show. We're creating quite a bit of buzz, which is proving not too hard in a small town. I really hope that we fill the 285 seat theatre this Thursday night.

Will somebody please tell my husband, who is doing his best Chandler Bing impression, that I do not wish for him to pee on me. I have poison ivy - I've not stepped on a jellyfish. Besides, he told me after that one time, that I wouldn't have to do it again. I really don't want to talk about it. Next subject please.

-Scarlett
faux accountant / pillow fluffer by day - rogue political activist by night

AHHHH
CANWECANWECANWE
PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE?!?!!?



This knowledge came to me by way of freakonomics blog which came their way via DCist


Awesome.

Guess who's got poison ivy? Me! Either that or I've got a serious allergy to nutella, which has been consumed in large quantities this week.

So uncomfortable,
Scarlett

Why do I feel the need to justify my list w/ Clem?

Okay, back up. A while ago TFMD and I were discussing the finer points of Pajiba's list of most bangable unconventionally hot celebs. If you want to puruse it, go ahead I'll wait:

www.pajiba.com/pajibas-10-sexiest-people-celebrities-youd-most-like-to-bang

We agreed with Paul Rudd
John Krasinski

Ryan Gosling
Christian Bale (though after the images of The Machine, my hat is only half in the ring).

We added Ed Norton

Then this is where the agreement started breaking down. I said Jack White
I should reinforce the point of said list: most bangable UNCONVENTIONALLY HOT celebs. Jack White is unconventional - no one disputes that, but if only you could attend a concert or listen to an album. I'm sure you'd see things from my perspective. Some claims were made against him by Clem, like he looked like someone who wouldn't shower, or be nice to women. In defense of my rockstar boyfriend I'd just like to point out that Renee Zellweger dated him for a very long time and she doesn't look like someone who would date a dirty boy. 2nd - he is now married to a model (I won't use the term supermodel, b/c that is applied to liberally) As for being mean to women, no man writes songs from a feminine sensibility better than he.

Anyway, the point of this is that the White Stripes have a new album coming out soon, but you can preview the whole thing on the UK's MTV: http://www.mtv.co.uk/channel/mtvuk/12062007/the_white_stripes_icky_thump

I know you're all dying to listen to it, so I'll let you get to it!
Enjoy,

Scarlett

First let me point out that I think that calling trivia categories "general knowledge" is a gross overestimation. I'm just not good at it. I'm good at Jeopardy, getting better at crosswords, lately a frickin' Rain Man when it comes to sudoku, and use words like "eschew" and "accouterments" in everyday conversation but could barely get one answer right at trivia.
Secondly after said night of trivia with Mr Darcy, Pop, Margeaux, Pop's Bro, his really smart blond friend, and another friend of his who didn't speak at all I don't think, I just happened to check online to see the most current smoking laws and what do you know- for anyone coming to visit me in Beantown know that unless we go to Foxwoods or Mohegan Sun (casinos in Conn.- which APPAAAAARENTLY the residents are called "nutmeggers"- f--- you trivia- that's a stupid question!) smoking is banned in the entire states of -ahem- Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, New York and all of Connecticut except those 2 casinos WHICH have whole non-smoking floors, and all non-casino areas of New Jersey.

Bitchin'.

Also I have heard rumors from La Sicilian that y'all should keep the weekend the July 20th (or around there- I don't know what days the weekend actually is) free.

Double bitchin'.

Because I believe all good things must be shared - I suggest that you check out www.piperlime.com. I believe that Scarlett will find this site the most useful - especially as we close in on TFMD's wedding and she may be searching for something to outshine her patent yellow peep toe pumps.

So….since I was called out for not blogging let me tell you all about my weekend.

Friday
I ended up getting into an accident on my way to work. This was my first real accident, and while I am fine physically, I was a complete mess on Friday and felt like the world’s worst driver and person. I am feeling much better, but now keep a nice distance (about a car) in front of me.
The short of it is this:
I was at a stoplight (stopped) and I thought the woman in front of me started to go. Um, she didn’t, so I hit her. This resulted in her hitting the guy in front of her, and the guy hitting the car in front of him. Read: 4 cars. Yeah…trying taking that to bed with you.
So after bawling and making the necessary calls, I went home. No way was I going to work. I got some food on the way home and then took a nap until the cleaning people came. While I love them, napping when people are vacuuming is a tad bit difficult. So I thought this was a good time to hit the gym.

Have I mentioned that I bough the Nike Ipod thing and am now averaging about 20 miles a week. It’s awesome, completely motivates me! I would highly recommend it.

Ok back to Friday, so let’s think about this, I am tired, emotionally and physically drained, and had one meal. What do I do now? Well it IS Friday, So I go out. Two beers into the night, I am drunk. And not a happy fun drunk, but more of a weird drugged feeling drunk. I contemplated dancing on the bar with other people. That should be a good indicator of how drunk I was. So I leave close to midnight. Cam calls on the way over to ask if I want anything, I said no. Then it hits me, the room is spinning…food will help. I call him back and tell him I need food. He didn’t pick up. So sad. He comes over and I am about an 8 (see drunk scale from an earlier blog). I tell him I am dying and called because I needed food, I may get sick. He gives me water, and I just look at it. There is NO way I can drink anything. He tries to explain if I can’t drink water how am I going to eat. Valid point. I pass out.

Saturday
I wish I did die, because I feel horrible. I finally motivate at 6pm and go to the mall. If I found a dress I would have gone out. But shopping hungover was not my idea of fun. I get home around 8 empty handed, well except for dinner. This is the first time in a while that I get to watch SNL. I guess that is good.
Sunday
Finally hangover free, I was a bit more productive. Did laundry and some grocery shopping, ran, had a nice dinner, and watched movies.

Which brings me up to date.
So, TFMD as I said earlier, see it was not a super exciting weekend!

What an insightful post.


It makes me laugh (that is when I'm not staring down my shirts at my molting cleavage of burnt moisturizer and neosporin soaked skin b/c that already makes my cross eyed and the thought of making jolting laugh motions while my eyes are crossed evoke a fear that my eyes will stick that way) because you mentioned lots of religions and practices I'd never heard of. When I read Pentecostal I immediately think pagan (probably b/c it sounds like pentagrams should be involved). I think that might get me killed in your neck of the woods. And when you mention Baptist- I thought that meant that you just got to dance and sing more so Church would be more like Sister Act. Apparently strike 2 for TFMD.

This makes me think that the northeast is a little different than the south/midwest. SHOCKER!

I lived in a happy little town where you are Catholic or Jewish. We got all Catholic and Jewish holidays off which is totally money b/c Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur are both early in the school year and it's a great way to ease back into it from summer. In middle school/high school I learned there were some Lutherans (which one of my friends was) and Episcopalians (which I never saw but my sister went to their pre-K program). On a side note I went to a Jewish pre-K program where I went to services a couple of times and was very confusing for a 4 year old but we were told to sit and be polite and we were wiped from ballet usually so we did.

Oh- wait- and there was one house of Jehovah's Witnesses which was just fun b/c I had heard of them on the Simpsons.

But the whole point is nobody spoke in tongues or used the "f" word that Suf calls cigarettes some times which makes me as or more confused that the Jewish ceremonies at 4 years old.

I'm generally of the idea that religion should encompass happy things to inspire you to do happy things and lift you up when you're not happy, love everybody, and peace will guide the planets and loooooove will steer the stars. That's a HAIR reference at the end there. Blank stares? "Mystic crystal revelation and the mind's true liberation?" Nobody? Nope. Ok. Moving on. And sure there are giant holes in that statement that could be easily picked through but, now that I think of it, THAT even support another underlying theory that everything is not black or white.

And I love Dogma. That movie totally rocks.

And so does Shakira. The first song off of Oral Fixation Vol 2 "How do you do?" is all about the same and kicks ass.

SO in conclusion, I enjoyed the rant, Scarlett, and hoped it helped.

Does this Bible Belt Go With These Shoes?

Disclaimer: I don't want to offend anybody so I will try my best to refrain from lumping all Evangelical Protestants as crazies, but I can't promise anything right now. I'm emotionally charged. Now, I know none of you are Baptists, let's see we got three Catholics in Pop, Clem & TFMD and Margeaux who I would consider a non-practicing 1/2 Jew & 1/2 secular Christian, but I forget...are you half Catholic?

Let me first tell you why the Evangelicals are on my list then I'll share all of my emotional religious baggage. Okay, here it is goes - my friends who own the theatre opened a new show on Thursday's nights. It's an award winning off-broadway show that was praised oddly enough by both Rolling Stone and Christianity Today magazines. Think Andrew Lloyd Weber's "Jesus Christ Superstar" with a Southern vernacular. They performed it this Thursday to a small crowd. 6 people walked out in the first act. 3 emails were received complaining that the work was not scripturally accurate, and one guy complained about "all the talking" that the Jesus character dialogued. Everyone thought this was going to be wildly popular as we are in the South where God, Guns and Country is the order of the day. Now, it would seem the Evangelical set doesn't appreciate art, even art with a positive message and really don't like their Jesus humanized. Analogy is certain too highbrow. The show was supposed to run 2x a week for 3 months - now the producers are weighing artistic integrity over the bottom line: basically scrapping the entire show or performing just the music from the show in a concert medley slapped together on the fly.


Now, to my personal emotional baggage...my Dad's family was raised Pentecostal. My Dad rejected this religion. I occasionally went to Pentecostal church with my Dad's sister, because she sang and I liked the music. Then as I got older, meaningful conversations with my Dad revealed that he was basically an agnostic. This Aunt tried to influence me as a teenager, but by that time I'd already rejected her brand of Christianity, mostly because I couldn't reconcile inflammatory language (nigger & faggot to be specific) with Jesus. I was called a blasphemer by her for wearing a Lolapalooza tee shirt with three little Buddhas. (Of course it's not blasphemis to a Buddhist)

When I started college at the Jesuit university I learned that the Pope had formally accepted evolution. I brought this up with my Aunt at dinner with her family. I was told two things: 1) the Catholic Church would lose all it's members over the evolution vs. creationism stance (which it didn't) and 2) that she didn't want her kids to hear such God-less talk as evolution. It was a good experience for me to attend college with the Jesuits b/c it proved to me that one could believe in God and NOT be crazy, but compassionate, educated and not threatened by questioning faith.

My Mom's side of the family were Baptists. Her family was just as rigid. As a college student I was involved in a discussion with an Uncle who told me fossils were put on Earth to test Man's faith. How can you argue with that? He also had some interesting theories on the "mark of the beast," which basically meant that fate was turning it's wheels to prepare for the return of the Anti-Christ and evidence was everywhere: like how we now have a cashless society, with it's heavy reliance on ATM's (beginning of the end) barcodes in your license plates (beginning of the end) gov't issued black helicoptors (beginning of the end.)

So all these experiences have shaped my view of the world. Do I believe in a diety...most times no. Have I stood in a Catholic Church raising my voice to the rafters singing in choir and felt something? Yes, I can't articulate what I felt. Was it the presence of God? I don't know, but I felt connected to humanity. I have felt that same feeling at some pretty debaucherous rock concerts. Do I believe that Jesus was the messiah? I believe that Jesus was a man of high character and the world would be a better place if we all practiced the values he represented.

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster I got that off my chest!
Scarlett

A reply to Mrs. Kramer,

Damn it. You cannot IM while I'm writing to you. Spoils all the surprise. Secondly, in regards to squirrel sex (the American Sign Language signs, not the actual copulating of squirrel which, myself, Clem and the rest of the free world are against)

Mr. Darcy and I attended a school that is also like the #2 deaf school in the known universe after the one around here who's name I'm blanking out on. Mr. Darcy was fairly good at signing basic things but I never got beyond asking "What's the sign for who, what, when, where, why and how again?" every single week at our free class. Therefore like any good student I gave up on conversation and concentration on words like "sorry" which I now unconsciously do when I say sorry:



And slowly:



And general finger spelling. Oh and swear words. Now, there are a lot of difficult things about ASL like they don't use pronouns and you can't directly translate sentences blah blah blah but mostly that swear words are close to the nice words they come from. Like bitch and mother are a slight hand gesture away as are bastard and father. Things like "fuck you" are universal though so don't really require signs are far as I know. Mr. Darcy may read this and shed light on the topic though.

Where were we? Ahh squirrel sex. So our boss had gone to school at the same place we had and worked there for awhile so he said his favorite signs were platypus (which is place on hand on top of the other both palms facing down with fingers point away from you so the thumbs are sort of hanging off the edge of your hand sandwich and then make circles with your thumb) and squirrel sex. Squirrel is this:



"ASL Sex" I am too scared to google especially after searching for "slowly". But take the same squirrel sign and 69 your hands and there you go.

There's a lot of stories about sign language and deaf people in general that we have but it's hard to talk to outsiders about without feeling like a giant asshole. That being said at the wedding after a couple drinks take Mr. Darcy's best man aside (far away) and get him to talk about things like how deaf people can't tell how loudly they're having sex. And be prepared for Chewbacca like noises. And the problem is I'd laugh. Mr. Darcy is probably laughing now but to the rest of the world- we're horrible horrible people.

My next topic is simply if you are going by marge now I'm going to have to make it Large Marge in Charge. Because that's all I think of when I read "Marge". Just like Martha and "Martha Dumptruck" (from Heathers- which [she's so witty for someone who grew up without tv] was an account my friend from Ireland created on classmates.com to see who was on there back in the day).

That's all I have for now-- WAIT HOLD THE PHONE/FINGERS ON KEYBOARD. The last point I feel obligated to clear up.... AHEM- CLEM- Large Marge in Charge seems to believe that now that you have a BF you have nothing to write about. I'm letting everyone know that that is certainly not true and will not let that be used as a cop out. The floor is your my dear.

Word to ya muthas!

Ok which one of you delinquents forgot your password :)

Why Squirrels should never be trusted or described as anything besides evil and rodent like:
Exhbit B

I feel a bit like TFMD, so many thoughts running through my mind of things I must say but I feel as though I can barely contain them. I will do my best not to wander too much.

First things first, we cannot call me Margie. Even though affectionate, it is also the name of Mr. Kramer's ex. You know, the ex that the 'rents don't know about. The same ex that is the reason no family members were/are permitted to see the marriage license. So, Marge is fine, but Margie is a no no.

Second, I feel that ME should henceforth be referred to as either Mr. Kramer or Mr. K. I know he does not like it but since I never came up with a good name for him, and since it is 2007, he can adopt my surname on 3:00 since I am adopting his in real life.

That brings us to the third point. Saying my new name is just plain strange! While the process of changing my name is cumbersome, I was prepared for that. I expected it to suck. So far it's fine but that's b/c all I've done is mail my stuff off to social security. Something is rather unnerving too about mailing your passport and birth certificate to social security. Let's hope I really do get them back. But, I digress. The point here is that every time I introduce myself to someone, I have to pause before saying my last name. It catches me off guard every time. I think the weirdness is multiplied by the fact that Mr. K has a sister with my same first name. So, I feel as though I'm introducing myself as her, even though she's married and has a new last name. Be warned TFMD, it will catch you off guard. Obviously, after having the same name for almost 29 years, it's a bit of an adjustment.

Now I have plenty of time to write this afternoon because courtesy of the high school graduations that are taking place at the same location our (previous) employer has there graduation, we were allowed to leave early (b/c traffic SUCKS otherwise) and work from home. What this really means is that I have my work email open but I am sitting here in my capri sweat pants and a t-shirt doing nothing more than writing on this here blog. A great way to spend an afternoon if you ask me.

Moving on - let's discuss the wedding one final time and then the honeymoon. First and foremost, thank you all for being there. I am sorry I did not get to spend more time with you but I know you understand and I look forward to being on the drunk side discussing the international sign for squirrel sex at the Darcy's wedding in September. That brings me to the international sign for squirrel sex. 1) how did this come up 2) who knew it and 3) what is it? I suppose 4) would be, did it freak Clem out?? Seriously though, thank you for being there to share in our "special day" as I have been calling it in all the thank you cards I have written. I'm done by the way! Back from the honeymoon for one week and I am done writing thank you cards. I'm really impressed with myself. Mr. K has a few more to go but I AM DONE!!!

So, the wedding was a blast. I remember it but at the same time I don't. I should have pictures by Sunday so I am looking forward to seeing them and will of course forward the link on to all interested parties. As far as I know everything was perfect and if it wasn't, I don't know about it so therefore, don't tell me and let me believe it was perfect. I absolutely LOVED my flowers and am thrilled with the job the florist did. Thank you to those of you who talked me out of using paper flowers. I'm also happy I chose to have some floral centerpieces. In my mind they were well worth the money. I heard the food was good. I did eat but I barely tasted my food. I hope you enjoyed enough for both of us. I wish I could do it over again because I really want to wear my dress again. It truly is a shame that you can't wear a wedding dress again b/c even though I couldn't breath by the end of the night, I am in love with my dress - perhaps in an unnatural kind of way. Am I alone on this? Did those of you who are married want to wear your dresses again immediately following? Perhaps you still do, in which case, I feel much less abnormal!

The honeymoon. Surprisingly not a lot to say about that. It was relaxing which is exactly what we wanted. Jamaica is beautiful and sad at the same time. The houses along the road are in need of serious love and the poverty of the country is very evident everywhere you look. While I know that tourism helps to sustain their economy, I also felt bad being a "rich, white" American and sitting in my cozy, air conditioned bus on the ride from the airport to Ocho Rios. I loved our vacation though. As lame and cheesey as it sounds, it really was great to just get to spend time with Mr. K. Because of his work and school schedules, rarely do we see each other for two full days in a row. We spent a lot of time by and in the pool and when it rained we would go back to our villa and take naps. We went kayaking one day and hung out in the Caribbean for a bit but we preferred the chlorinated water of the pool to the salt water of the Sea. We climbed Dunn's River Falls one day which I highly recommend to anyone who goes to Jamaica. As you saw from the pictures (because I think I sent them to all of you), we climbed the rock wall one day. I only made it half way but for my first attempt EVER, I think I did pretty darn good. I was also pretty darn sore the next day! Other than that, we ate a lot of food and spent a lot of time relaxing together. It was perfect!!!

I have been back for a little over a week now and today might be the first day I did any real work at work. I've been easing back in to it. What do they expect? Do they really think I'd jump right back in? You gotta give a girl some time to get back to reality before she can be productive.

That is really all I got. If I haven't forwarded pictures from the honeymoon to you please let me know if you would like me to and I happily will. Oh, random thought. I sadly have to admit that it was not until this week that I really took the time to look at gofugyourself.com and I am sorry it has taken me so long. Those women are genious! I absolutely love the site and wish I could be half as snarky and witty as they are. I aspire to be just like them. Not sure if that's good or bad but it's my dream for now. On that note, I shall get back to work and by that I mean go have a cigarette. I hope that Clem and Pop will visit our little site her more often and perhaps regale us with stories from their life. It seems that since Clem got a bf she has a lot less drama to share. Good for her but unfortunate for us who looked forward to the daily drama. As for Pop, apparently she's too cool being busy and important at a job that underappreciates her. I think she should blog more often as a way to say "damn the man!" Anywho, I must be on my way.

Tata,
Marge

Yay! Margie's back stateside!

I am back from Jamaica and have battled a bout with a stomach bug (yesterday) and promise to write more soon. I need to get caught up a bit at work and then I will happily regale (sp?) you will stories from the wedding, Jamaica and all sorts of other fun stuff.

Just so you all are aware...I've decided what I want to do when I grow up. I've applied to my local University w/ an art program to study photography. I've also registered myself for a conference for professional photographers in Memphis next month. I know I know I'm not professional yet or even proficient yet, but they told me that didn't matter. And if I don't learn things like how to be more profitable in my soon to be cottage industry, at least I get to stay in a swank Memphis hotel that boasts a duck parade. Who doesn't love trained ducks? Well, prolly not The Future Mrs. Darcy or Clem since we never see eye to eye on small woodland creatures.

It's very freeing to finally give myself permission to pursuit something just b/c I want to and not b/c I think it's the responsible thing to do. I should really be thanking Pop for making me think that someone might actually be willing to pay me to take pictures. So guess what you all are getting for Christmas....that's right, student art! Clear some wall space.

Also, Rhett and I are speaking with a high risk OB from STL on a conference call Thursday. We will hopefully get answers which will aid in the 'to try or not to try' question looming over our heads. I'll keep you posted.

-Scarlett

Happy Fake Monday

So I was "*cough cough* sick" yesterday (i.e. sitting out with my mom all day at home- unfortunately the first suntan lotioning on the year was not the greatest and ye olde armpits fronts are burnt as well as knees) so today is pretend Monday for me.

It's all the crappiness of going back to work without any of the caring.

The weekend was a lovely one. Since we got up at 4 am on Saturday and left then it also seemed much longer than 3 days.

Saturday I flew up to the homestead and Mr. Darcy drove his jeep to his respective homestead. I, obviously, got there much earlier than he but that is how it needed to be since I had my wedding shower at 12:30. The wedding shower, by the way was lovely. It was a little odd to be the complete center of attention and also odd b/c there were some family members that I hadn't seen in about a decade who I obviously should know since they're family. Not to mention a couple of my mom's friend who I know about in name but wasn't quite able to hook the names to the faces without help. So unfortunately I froze and my mom mingled and then after awhile I did too but didn't really make it to everyone which I will have to rectify before the reception and all.

Also wasn't really prepared for opening (A LOT) of presents when they are ones that I picked out in the first place and then multiples of the same. What do you say at the 6th place setting that hasn't already been said? All I know is I'm super glad I don't need to open wedding gifts in front of the crowd.

Then I went to see La Sicilian's niece who I now believe is a fake baby b/c when "she" was sleeping it was a little too pretend especially for a "baby" that doesn't usually nap. Let me see... After the fake baby I went home and spent some time with the extended fam which stuck around after the shower then napped for a half an hour then up for dinner with fam and grandmother.

As always at home I then went out with my friends to ensure that I use at least 20 of the 24 hours in a day so I'm super useless by the end of my journey. And it was also La Sicilian's bday celebration. Very odd though, we were besieged by OJ's younger sister's friends who were SHIT FACED then decided to randomly come out to us. Not come out and come on to us- but we're like "yeah did you know I was gay. Because I'm gay right. Gay gay gay gay gay." We were mostly of the response of "yeah that's great. Why don't you kids get yourselves some more gin and tonics and stop falling all over us." It got old real quick. SO by the time they finally left us we finally convinced OJ to go to a bar around the corner from her house so she could walk home if she wanted to (it's very hard to convince OJ to stay out at 12 [which is why we make her drive herself] so this was a monumentous occasion) so we haul ass out of Bar 1 and drive to Bar 2 only for me to take 3 steps in and realize I'd never closed my tab at Bar 1 which is a 5-10 minute drive away. So, OJ then bailed and La Sicilian and I head back to Bar 1, close out the tab, then talk in her driveway for 45 minutes about odds and ends.

What day am I on? SUNDAY. Sunday was crappy (the only thing we do at my house in the summer is sit by the pool so not having that to do is usually jarring) so we went to Shrek 3. It was good. Not great. Good. And wonder of wonders I thankfully didn't have anything to do that night except eat hot dogs and hamburgers with my mom and sister then watch Grease with my mom and rework the lyrics of "Sandy" to "Jazzy" and sing it to my dog.

Whoa BACK UP JACK. Saturday I had my trial hair and makeup before the shower [this is what happens when you get up at 4- details fades]. I have this problem where vendors show me things and I for some reason can't give suggestions to help except for gems like "no I don't want the curls all the way down- I don't want it to look like I'm waiting for a Beau to take me to cotillion". That's not language that everyone understands. But it looked good overall and we have pictures to show just how I want it but I'm going to add I want that hair slightly more "natural" and "textured" and the make up a little "dewey". ANYWAY. Back to Sunday. Actually that's all that happened Sunday. >> to Monday.

Monday we went wedding shoe shopping and found a 2 INCH (block) HEEL for me which is higher than I thought I would go but I tried to webble wooble on the block heel and I didn't fall down. HOORAY! I then sat out in the sun and we know that armpits and knees didn't fare so well (neither did some boobage areas either, to be honest). Then incredibly Mr. Darcy met me at BWI in the jeep the same time I was getting out of baggage so yay to no waiting!

And that was my weekend. Now I'm too sleepy to write anymore so I'm going to play internet for awhile until yoga then have some lunch then maybe just maybe I'll write more.

Not to be left off the haiku bandwagon, and it is a bandwagon as I saw the "Slumer Party Girls" (a Sunday morning variety show for the 8 - 12 year old set - & just SPG if you're in the know) write haiku poetry about fruits. Fruits, as in the 2nd level of the food pyramid, not in the derogatory sense like you would call Andy Dick a fruit. Anyway, I found a haiku list on McSweeney's and thought of TFMD.

Haiku
a Bitter Duck
Might Write.

BY JAY SILVERMAN

- - - -

Humans envy my
swimming ability. But
I wish I could read.

Out of spite I bought
Allstate; Aflac reduces
our humanity.

Water off my back
a sign of no damage? No.
I plead for dryness.

Gordon Bombay ain't
my coach and I never liked
teammate Adam Banks.

Duck Duck Goose gives too
much credit to geese; they drink
their own piss, you know.

Daffy and Donald
may be more popular, but
the truth? Two big queers.

You only think I'm
waddling. I'm not. Swimming flares
mallard hemorrhoids.

Even the worst duck
is still very useful and
don't you forget it.

- Scarlett

Dear Snarky Fashion Critics of GoFugYourself.com,

Scarlett here - long time reader, first time caller, er writer. I just wanted to let you know that I find your opinions on the fashions of Hollywood 'It' Girls to be both insightful and funny. In the past I have agreed with you when you have mocked the high waisted jeans of Chloe Sevigny. I laughed out loud when you warned child actress, Dakota Fanning, of the slippery slope of leggings which ends for her 6 years from now drooling booze on the sidewalks of Hollywood. And really I'm not judgemental, I don't think you're bad people for poking fun at a child, for we all know she is a robot and not a real child.

I do think your harsh criticism of the dress over jeans look is unwarranted. I for one love this look. For me, decisions even as small as what to wear can be difficult to reach. This look is like the Ponderosa of fashion. One doesn't have to choose between jeans or dress, just like one doesn't have to choose between creamed spinach and ceasar salad. You can have both on the same plate! Also, has anyone else noticed that this season's hemline is rather short even for my 26 inch inseam. You can't wear those dresses alone without looking like a big whore and I've already been accused of whoring it up in green once this month.

So, in conclusion - lighten up on the girls who might error on the side of too much clothes. It's better than showing the world where babies come from when too little is worn.

XOXO,
Scarlett

Where are you losers at?

I know I shouldn't let my participle dangle, but there you have it! Shit I did it again. We just got back from seeing "Blackbook" from the director of "Showgirls." Someone described it as the WWII Die Hard. I think it was better than that description, though it's hard to must a lot of enthusiasm about Nazi films.

-Scarlett

Thanks to the Future Mrs. Darcy & Kraft I now have 369 bacon recipes! Dinner at my house! It's only a 13 hour drive or 13 hours to fly from DC then have a 2.5 hour lay over in Chicago, then another short flight to STL, then 2.5 hour drive home. If you leave now I can have dinner ready for Thursday night. Might I suggest a direct flight from Reagan to Nashville? Bacon panini anyone? Yummers!

By the way, you should be listening to Au Revoir Simone on my MySpace page. They are my new fave chick band, b/c they took their name from Pee Wee's Big Adventure.

-Scarlett

Quickly addressing the O'Haras bacon issue: it is well documented that I dislike all foods that come from the piggie, namely bacon and ham with the exception of 2-5 corn dogs a summer not including any camping trips where hot dogs are fine (and should be topped with crushed potato chips), BUT I will direct you to kraft foods which has a billion bacon recipes and gently remind you to keep the bacon (cooked or uncooked) away from your dog for we all know his belly and heavy animal fats do not work well.

Secondly, I have been blogging in my head quite a bit lately but lack motivation when actually in front of a computer. Fortunately all of these blogs are about the lack of yellow line trains to Huntington from Gallery Place in the morning because REALLY?! is anybody going to argue that there is more business going on in f-ing Anacostia then THE PENTAGON?!!?! So thankfully you're all saved from that daily edition.

Thirdly and most importantly I am now blogging to report I had a dream last night where I was playing pinball and thousands of balls were coming down the shoots and I still couldn't hit the levers in time and later on went to Pop's house and I arrived at the same time as Scarlett who was TAN! And has tons of freckles across her nose and then Pop told me she just got back from as well and I looked down and she had gotten her belly button pierced with a gold hoop. [Not a good choice for belly buttons in my opinion] And later on Clem showed up in a bridesmaids dress that could have doubled as an extra costume change for Madonna in both the Like a Prayer and La Isla Bonita videos. Strangely, Margeaux was in Jamaica as well in my dream and thus, was not present.

Happy Horoscope Day!

Virgo August 23 - September 22

With the right collar, three-button sport coats don't have to look old fashioned, and they can often accommodate PDAs or smartphones in their more generous interior pockets.


Leo July 23 - August 22

While there's no doubt that plastic collar stays have their place in the fast-paced modern world, Jupiter ascendant in Leo means it's time to invest in a set crafted from old-fashioned brass.


Scorpio October 24 - November 21

A summer-weight wool suit is a nice idea, but let's face it: Wool is still wool.

Since vacay I want nothing to eat that has been served from a bag, or fried, or ordered from a menu. Toward that end I have spent the last three days preparing foods in my kitchen. Saturday night was Spaghetti alla Carbonara, Sunday was pot roast, and yesterday was a Chili & hummus (not to be eaten together). Now, I know that looks like an unusual amount of red meat and bacon, however Rhett's dad supplied us with about, oh I don't know 8 lbs of bacon for this 2 person household, so I'm trying to use it up. Each recipe has called for a mere 8 ozs of bacon so I've used 16 ozs total, which means I still have 7 lbs of bacon in my freezer and now 8 ozs of bacon converted into Chili frozen in my freezer.

I'm pretty well tapped on bacon recipes. Oh, I guess there is quiche, but then, yep that's it. If anyone could offer suggested recipes to make before this meat goes freezer burnt I'd appreciate it.

Clem, you may ignore this request for recipes, we both know you don't cook. :)

Oink Oink,
Scarlett

Snuff - the flickr invite was sent to the yahoo email address that I had

The 8 or so somewhat decent pics captured over this weekend's festivities have been posted on Flickr. If you are not my friend you won't be able to see them. Let me know. I wasn't sure about putting them up on MySpace and all.

-Scarlett