Our Year in Review

Now usually Snuff and I go month by month over a couple ciggies on the balcony, but since Margeaux has led the way, we shall contribute ours as well.

January - Celebrated our second wedding anniversary at Les Mis. Absolutely fabulous performance and "On my own" brought tears to my eyes. Met the entire family at The Big House for a long weekend and visited Luray Caverns. (side note: remember if visiting heavy parkas are not needed as the caves remain at a constant 58F.) Snuff goes to Denmark.

February - I take my new position in Business Operations. Sudukuo Championship at Union Station ensued. Yay Future Mrs Darcy for qualifying! Nice reminder Team Naked Pairs tees were made.

March - Started new job with a fab trip to Miami for the conference - missed Winter Music Fest by 3 days, doh. Lovely St Patrick's weekend in Chicago were we got to see friend and the bottom of way too many Jageur (sic) Bombs.

April - Snuff's birthday and Tax Day all at once, both monetarily draining. Brother in law came back from Iraq and had a great weekend reunion down in North Carolina. Painted welcome home banners that lined the entire back yard. Bets on the Grand National were unsuccessful but cheering at the top of our lungs was very fun. Snuff's ma came to visit for Easter and we had Rhett and Scarlett over! Yummy dinner, I thought.

May - Booked Jamaica 2007 St Patrick's Day trip! Whoo Hoo not too much longer now. Went and took care of my brother who had RPK laser eye surgery. Snuff in Denmark again for two weeks with a side trip to Norn Iron including cricket game.

June - World Cup Fever begins. Many pounds to be put on in the next few months due to the copious amounts of beer that were drunk and the lack of activity one gets on a bar stool. Scarlett away for two weeks visiting P-town...just a visit right? =) Snuff is published in the Belfast Telegraph.

July - Up to my sister's in laws house for the 4th. Nice pool and fun by all. Snuff and I go back to Memphis for work and too see friends. So weird to be back. Birthday was great, got a treasure hunt all over DC and friends waiting at the end and tickets to see Ben Harper in September. Also went fishing the day before with my new pole which then starts our new fishing lives!

August - A little angel came in to our lives for but a moment. Snuff goes to Denmark twice - ugh.

September - Snuff and I visit California and my Gma. Wonderful trip and great to have some one on one time with her. Some bling flying around for a certain engagement! And of course we all had homemade tattoos from Talk like Pirate day at Ri-Ra's.

October - Brother gets married in Greenville and Cuz in Outer Banks. 8 days of complete debauchery. Supposed to check in to Betty Ford after, but had brother in law here, so had to take him out. And then of course who could forget a birthday wish of all her friends dressing up for Halloween. Who were those masked aliens? Crazy three month training program up and down the east coast starts for me. And no I don't mind drinking by myself and talking to strangers in random cities.

November - Snuff's ma back for a nice Thanksgiving visit. Thankfully we were both here this time.

December - Friend Emily came to visit. Finally got piano from my birthday. Christmas snuck up on us and our trip to Kansas was short but nice. And now we sit on the final day and think about the year behind us, filled with wonderful memories, good friends and exciting trips.

2007 Predictions to come...

What I Did On My Christmas Vacation
By Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler

Chapter 4 Mark Richman: The Hardest Working Lounge Singer in STL


Two days after Christmas the family had tickets to see the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. This was to be a first for Rhett and me, but the third time for the 'rents. Dinner was planned at The Tenderloin Room at the Chase Park Plaza. They offer the best steak in STL (hands down) in a gorgeous dining room with lots of history.

What history you ask? Well, back in the day none other than 'Ol Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra, patronized. We shared the same server. I asked him how he took his steak, he couldn't remember. Frank ALWAYS drank two fingers of Jack. (Clearly Frank was not a Kentuckian - as we've already discussed that Jack is sour mash whiskey - for the record, I love the stuff) But I digress!

The meal was delish! Everyone ordered the house special, Pepperloin a la Tenderloin. Rhett and I sucked down excellent wine (perhaps we had a premonition of what was to come.) The salad course arrived. It was the best effing ceasar salad that I've ever had. It was so good that I'm spending my morning blogging about how good this salad was - that's pretty darn good. Next course, entree. Yummers doesn't begin to describe it. Meat the consistency of butter. Desert followed - me, chocolate bundt cake. Rich, but not heavy or too sweet, paired with the best effing port with notes of caramel. After dinner Rhett and I finished our orgasmically good dinner with an Irish coffee w/ Bushmills.

The entertainment was provided by lounge singer, Mark Richman, a man living his dream. We chit chatted for a bit and he gave me an autographed cd of his songs in the styling of Frank, Dean, Bobby and the like. They don't make 'em like this guy anymore. Props to my new friend Mark!

-Scarlett

So, we are still in ND and I am at a point where I am ready to go home. This has been a fine vacation but 8 days might be just a bit too long. We succeeded in doing almost everything that was planned on the list. We went to the casino and the townie bar and played blackjack(we both won), we played Bingo (scary), we went to trivia at The Ground Round (overrated) and we played pinocchle and dealt with typical family b.s. Sadly, we still have not gone ice skating and I think it would be good for me to go because I've got some rage issues at the moment and yelling at ME might help.

Overall it has been a fine but uneventful time. There unfortunately have been periods of frustration and feeling as though I am a bad future daughter-in-law. I feel guilty that I did not ask ME's sisters to be bridesmaids yet his sister's husband will be a groomsman. I feel that I should be involving my future in-laws in the process more than I am but everytime I try to it seems as if nobody cares to really be involved or help. Case in point - I've been asked 5 times if I want the flowers (fake) from his sister's wedding. I've said yes all 5 times. I've also said that the ribbon color needs to be changed. Well, instead of offering to take care of that for me and ship them to me, I'm asked if I can take them back on the plane with me. Now I know that this really isn't a big deal BUT it does make me feel bad for saying "no, can you please ship them" and since I really think I've been a pretty laid back bride, it frustrates me that it's one more thing I have to take care of. At this point I'm pretty much just scared to ask the in-laws for anything more than money on the day of the wedding. I think I am so frustrated because I feel that they don't care at all and while I am not their daughter, it is their son's wedding and again, I really feel I've been a very laid back bride. Anyway, now I'm just going off on a tangent so let's end that part with the good news. ME accomplished one of the two tasks I asked him to take care of by the end of the year and we officially have our honeymoon planned. We are going to Sandals in Ocho Rios Jamaica and I am SO excited.

Now....moving on to other timely topics....

2006 - A Year in Review

January - good start - hungover from my best friend's wedding the night before. Take a sick day from work after chrismtas vacation because I simply don't want to go. Work for one day then leave for ND (sadly for a funeral) - shortly after returning am placed on probation for complete bull shit reasons - curse my boss and employer every chance I get

February - got engaged - couldn't be more excited - well, at least until the diamond fell out and then I was crushed

March- 2nd trip to ND for the year - not much else to mention for this month

April - don't think anything at all happened worth noting - well, I guess I did pick out a wedding dress (honestly, these moments mean nothing to me, this was an afterthought)

May - dipshit joined my team at my job - really starting hating my job at this point - cursed my boss, employer and coworker every chance I had

June - packed up our apartment and moved to the burbs

July- turned 28 - luckily snuff and pop had me over so I wasn't sitting at home by myself (how sad is that)

August - it was hot - i think I had a phone interview for my current job - my cute little nephew was born, my brother and his wife have become even more high maintenance than I ever thought possible

September - ME brought home a stray kitten and now I'm sitting in ND talking to him about how much I miss my cat (again, how sad is that - and by sad I mean pathetic) - went to ND for the 3rd time and then to WI for my 10 year high school reunion - biggest news of all - gave my 2 weeks notice in time to not have to work at the October graduation ceremony - was SO happy to get the hell out of there - 3:00 Candy was started

October - started my new job, realized that while I was thrilled to be out of old job, there were a few things I missed - like the coffee maker

November - mom moved to DC - nothing will ever be the same again

December - went to Mexico and made trip #4 to ND - one question - why have I been to ND FOUR times in one year???? I'm pretty sure that is 3 times too many

So that my friends is exactly how boring my year has been. I look forward to 2007, getting married, having a job I really like and oh yeah, not having to plan a wedding any longer. Hope you all have a safe and happy new year. Talk to ya in 2007!

Cheers,
MK

Just returned from work to find myself home alone. Rhett has been kidnapped by the neighbors or sucked into a vortex, one of the two. I can't remember which. So, I thought now would be the perfect time to continue my essay.

What I Did On My Christmas Vacation
By Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler

Chapter 3 How Alcohol Inhibits Memory Recall: The Story of How Scarlett (yeah, me) Forgot the Words to the Ubiquitous Song: Brown Eyed Girl

After leaving Canada's Mom's house, Rhett and I met my highschool friend TMK and her girlfriend at a fabulously chi-chi restaurant in the Central West End of St. Louis. Immediately I was nervous, because although we've been communicating nicely via MySpace, this was to be the first actual conversation we've had in four years. And some major revelations occured. Namely she is involved in a relationship with a woman. I hate to sound pedestrian, but I was surprised, okay with it, but surprised nonetheless. I mean if anyone should be okay with a gay friend it should be me. Cause you know when the Belding's aren't looking I'm teaching little Liam, the Colin Ferril Baby Pirate, jazz hands.

Anyway, we both sucked down our first glass of wine and pretty soon all the first date nerves went away for both. We had a great conversation. TMK is just as funny as she always was. The girlfriend is a really great person and seems to compliment TMK's personality really well. I hope to get to know her better in the future.

Anyway, dinner was FAN-effing-TASTIC! We split potstickers, sushi (me not so much) and summer rolls (yummers!) I ordered the roast duck paired with 4 glasses of Red Zinfandel. Good lord that was good! Although I talked so much during the meal that the server asked me if something was wrong with the food.

Afterwards we decided to hop next door to a favorite pub, Llewellyn's. It was packed being that everyone from STL was home for the holidays. There was a guy singing with a guitar. Rhett and I split a pitcher of Smithwicks. Then don't you know, the urge to sing at the top of my lungs overwhelms me. I did ASK guitar guy if I could sing. He said yes. This is a little fuzzy and I'm sharing what was relayed to me by Rhett the next morning. Apparently I tried to adjust the microphone stand to my height, which the guy didn't like. Then I start to sing, but suddenly the 4 glass of wine and the 2 pints cause my brain to shut down, like a double A battery in a Christmas present left on over night.

I'm standing on stage looking at a crowd of easily 150 people. Deer in the headlights. Forgot the lyrics to Brown Eyed Girl. Guitar guy is waiting for me to sing, but realizes I'm a drunk fool and won't be recalling the following:

Do you r'member when, we used to say
Sha la la la la la la la la la la la ti da

Guitar guy asked me if he could finish. I sheepishly said, "yeah go ahead, sorry." I then took my seat back at our table. TMK's girlfriend told me that if I'd had brown eyes I'd have remembered the lyrics. True. So true.

-Scarlett

My first and possibly last post of 2006. This week I have been mostly eating Blizzard Eggs.

What I Did On My Christmas Vacation
By Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler

Chapter 2 Stupid Parenting Fads: Why Potty Training Your 10 Month Old Doesn't Work

The visit with the friends from Canada was more akward than anticipated. They spent the entire 3 hours playing with their child, which is not the weird part. The weird part is that they asked us no questions about how Rhett and I are doing. No small talk questions. No soul searching questions about events from this past year. Rhett and I can only speculate as to why they avoided such important topics. 1. They don't want us to feel bad or 2. They are emotionally immature.

Now, for the bitchy, gossipy part of the story.

Background: Canada is breastfeeding. She is an advocate of breastfeeding to the point where she derives identity from the fact that she is a breastfeeding mother. Canada's goal is to breastfeed until 2 years of age. Her SIL is still breastfeeding her 3 year old son. Now, Canada also practices a parenting technique which does not schedule feedings; she nurses whenever the child is hungry. A pacifier has not been introduced and I witnessed Canada pull out a boob at this child's every peep. This has lead to the baby being OVER 22 lbs, probably closer to 25. Now, normally breastfed children are less likely to be overweight than formula fed babies, but this appears to an exception.

Unfortunately, this child's proportions (height vs. weight) would be the same as like a 300 lb adult. And maybe that is an exaggeration, but the weight has hindered her mobility. She doesn't crawl in the normal sense. She kind of sits and drags her leg behind.

For those unfamiliar with children, most doctors recommend waiting until the child is 2 to begin potty training. They argue that the child must first develop parts of their brain and "bathroom" muscles making it possible to notice certain sensations. Potty training has begun on this 10 month old. You ask, "How do you begin potty training a child who currently has 2 words in their vocab (ma & duck)?" The answer: sign language. Canada says that they have trained her to touch her eye in a special way when she has to use the potty. What I witnessed was the child wetting her diaper, touching her eye, then two parents dropping everything to frantically grab the child, pulling down the cloth diaper, placing her on her potty and then nothing happening because she had already peed in her diaper. I don't believe this is potty training. This is a parlor trick that taught their daughter to tell them she wants her diaper changed by way of touching her eye.

Other signs have been introduced as well. There was a sign for nursing. What I saw was: Canada asking the baby if she wanted to nurse, a vague ambiguous reaction from the baby who had just eaten Cherrios and melon (hungry?), Canada latching baby to breast only to be bitten with two teeth twice then abandoning nursing for that moment.

While I sit in judgement, here are my thoughts:

• Breastfeeding should be about providing nutrition. It is also a way to comfort and bond. When nursing becomes all about the mother, it just gets a little weird.
  
• Sometimes it's better to conform to the "system" rather than always bucking it.
  
• The Beldings are my control group. By comparison, Canada seems to be setting herself up for unreasonable and unnecessary benchmarks for herself as a mother and her child to reach.
• Perplexed...

I'm back, enjoying a cup of coffee prepared in Rhett's new French press. One word - Yummers!
As promised....

What I Did On My Christmas Vacation
By Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler

Chapter 1 iPOD: Friend or Foe?

Saint Louis was the place to be this Christmas! Rhett picked me up from the heavily advertised housewares merchant of scented candles and decorative pillows and we made the 2.5 hour drive to the STL. Once our Burger King dinner was procured (me: Fish Sandwich light on the tartar, Rhett: two cheeseburgers, a large fry & chicken strips to split) I pulled out the iPod to settle into our ride.

Like almost every long distance drive of late the damn iPod fails to perform as expected. Worked fine the day before. Worked fine last week. On this day, it doesn't respond to my finger swirling around the navigator. Technically, it played music, but I couldn't scroll through my many playlists, instead I had to listen to the first song in alphabetical order according to the artists' name.

As Rhett has come to accept, during car rides I dominate the radio selecting, cd choosing or iPod navigating. Some couples agree that the driver chooses. Not us! I choose! So as you can imagine, the lack of control was sending me into a hissy fit.

I'm on my fourth iPod. The first was replaced directly out of the box, when it failed to charge. The next was dropped from the top of the dryer when I walked away with the iPod still attached to my earphones. The next was dropped in a bathtub, while I sat on the edge to shave my legs. I'm not happy with this last one, but my warranty has run out. Not sure what I'll do next. Buy a Zune?

Stay tuned for the next installment called Stupid Parenting Fads: Why Potty Training Your 10 Month Old Doesn't Work...

-Scarlett

Wow, so I was going to come on here and add an additional FIL catch phrase (Correct Amundo!) but I realize that 1. it's Four in the effing morning and I can't sleep and I'm a little cranky about that b/c now I have a job where I'm expected to be perky in a few hours 2. I haven't told you all the details of my trip to STL and 3. The mood seems a little too light after Popodop's really personal entry that has just made me cry despite my mood stablizing anti-depressants.

So instead I'll just give you a teaser by way of titles then I'll try to go back to sleep for 4 hours.

Title #1 - What I Did Over My Christmas Vacation!
Title #2 - IPOD: Friend or Foe?
Title #3 - Stupid Parenting Fads: Why Potty Training Your 10 Month Old Doesn't Work
Title #4 - How Alcohol Can Inhibit Memory Recall: The Story of How Scarlett (of ALL People) Screwed Up The Ubiquitous Song Brown Eyed Girl?
Alternative title - So This Lesbian Couple Walks Into A Bar...
Title #5 - Mark Richman: The Hardest Working Lounge Singer in STL
Title #6 - An Homage to The Gibson Flying V Guitar
Title #7 - Trivia Pursuit Pop Culture Edition: Fun Game or Marriage Wrecker?

Good night kids, I'll fill you in on the stories behind these titles later.

-Scarlett

28 December 2002

It was a cold sunny morning, the morning that my life would change forever. Except I had been up long before the sun rose. Never in the depths of my imagination would I know that kneeling beside my dad, sitting in the chair in his room would be the last time that I saw him alive and conscious. A fear had swept over me minutes before because of the abruptness with which my sister had shaken me awake. Most know better than to wake me in such a manner! With tears in her eyes, she had said that mom had called an ambulance for dad. I threw on some clothes and went to his room, where he sat, gray and slumped in his chair. I tried to make a joke, but he just relayed the symptoms in a methodical manner. The ambulance arrived moments later, no sirens at the request of my dad, and the paramedics carried him down the stairs. I remember seeing him in a helpless light that I had never seen before. My superhero was vulnerable? My mom and he drove off into the dark and we all sat in the living room quiet. Brian and Carrie were deciding if they should still catch their early flight or take a later one. What was wrong? Bad touch of the flu? Colon issues? Ulcer? Surely they'd call in a few hours with an update...

But Snuff and I changed our minds in that moment and drove to the hospital. By the time I had found my mom, stoic and emotionless, she said to call all the kids to come down to the hospital. 7 children, 2 grandchildren and mom sat in the ER in the wee hours of the morning waiting.

But we wouldn't have to wait too much longer, as the doctor came out and said to say goodbye if we wanted before he went into surgery. He lay on the table and I whispered in his ear, "You fight, you hear me, fight." My mom told my sister and I to call Father Charles. Watching my sister tell the operator that she needed him to come give my father his Last Rites, was another one of the hardest moments in my life.

We sat and waited and my sister had on a bracelet that doubled as rosary beads. So I prayed them. Round and Round and Round. Then my mom came out and said he was gone. My little brother Sean got up in a rage and I followed him down the hall where he punched the cement bricks as hard as he could. And I knew that rage would live in him for a long time to come. I don't remember crying there, even as future visions flashed before my eyes. Lauren's graduation, walking down the aisle at my wedding, him holding my children, his laugh that I'd never hear out loud again... We got in the car and went to Price Chopper and shopped for all the people that would be over that day. On the way out, we bought a lotto ticket and played my dad's numbers. Strange I know, but it cracks me up now.

The next few days are a blur of arrangements, phone calls and holding back the tears. Hearing his name read at Mass that Sunday, as we'd heard other's departed read so many time before was surreal. The lector said and Let us pray for those who have gone before us, someone, someone and Bob Stockwell, husband to Jodie and father to Brian, Blair, Lindsay, Kevin Kyle, Sean and Lauren. As he read our names, everyone in the church looked at our pew where they had sat for the last seven years. And I still numb.

I was still numb throughout the Funeral Mass three days later as seven priests, all close friends of my dad, con-celebrated mass for him. I was numb as my brothers, Bill and I carried his casket up the aisle and put him in the hearse. The procession was three miles long. And I was numb throughout the time at gravesite. And then after the 21 gun salute and presentation of the flag, I walked up to his grave and laid a rose I had been carrying. And then I wasn't numb.

I cried and grieved for the next week at my mom's house and then decided to go back to Ireland with Snuff. And I cried and grieved for the next six weeks at our friend eddie's house, surrounded my friends and a country who were fatherless as well. And I slowly healed. And I stopped crying, for the most part. But every now and then, it sucker punches you when you least expect it. And you're reminded that life has changed.

I sat alone in my apartment about a year later and had a smoke and as I drifted off to a peaceful haven I saw my dad walking in the Fall leaves with our old dog Snowball. She had a pep in her step like she was a pup again and so did my dad. It's the most beautiful picture I could have in my mind. So today, with a quieted tear in my eye and a peaceful vision of where's he's gone, I remember my pops.

Merry Belated Christmas to you all.

Highlights of my brief trip are as follows in completely non-sequential order:

My cousin who is 4 talked to me this trip as opposed to last year when he hung out with MR. DARCY even though it was clearly I who brought him the present. Although his brother did poke him in the eye with the foam swords I armed them with 5 minutes after they started playing. Thankfully, he did not count this against me (or his brother, or his parents against I).

I bought a wedding dress and have a general idea as to what the flowers will be like at the wedding. woo-hoo! Unfortunately the bridesmaid dress search is still underway.

Mr. Darcy got me a sewing machine for xmas which i cannot wait to start being super creative with. Free-t-shirt-quilt your time is almost near.

And lastly i am sick. I don't FULLY blame this on Mr. Darcy b/c he was sick when i left him with his parents on saturday and i started feeling ill on wednesday and then when he came back to me later that night I then got MUCH sicker but who i do blame this on is my boss. Some of you may remember that I completely flubbed my vacation time. When I requested my time off in October or November or something I said I needed the 25th and the 26th off. My boss then said "You already get the 25th and 26th off" so I thought "Lovely". I did not check any of this though. Come Thanksgiving this is a problem when Mom starts schedule appointments on wednesday. I go- "but i won't be here then". She says "that's what your plane confirmation says". So CRAP. Everyone with more seniority had taken off this whole week and I was generally screwed. But - I already had my plane tickets so I figured I'd call up tuesday night and say I missed my plane. Later I also got friday off b/c i needed to use up a personal day and I thought using wednesday the day i needed to stay b/c i "missed my plane" would be a little circumspect.

SO. Tuesday night I co-worker, say I missed my plane and ask if I could have the bosses and the lone other co-worker who'd be here this week's numbers. I was also secretly hoping she'd just call boss herself. No such luck but she's cool about the whole thing and gives me boss' number. BOSS is a bitch. But she's a tricky bitch. She passive-aggressive and doesn't really guilt-trip but somehow does. She just acts confused at everything and makes you somehow think that everything is your fault. So whatever- I'm cool with saying plane has been missed and all apologetic and really don't care what she has to say about it because - HEY missed my plane- it was an accident- I'm in NY - what the hell can I really do about it. There's not going to be any work this week anyway and I don't have anything due. BUT THEN she's like "Oh well i was going to call you and [other designer] today [being tuesday]" so that's a little confusing but whatever. Then she is like "I thought you only took off friday not today too". So i'm TOTALLY confused b/c she told me forever ago we had tuesday off. I'm not saying anything (or rather conflicting myself) and saying "no you're right I only took friday" and then saying that i took off tuesday as well at other points and [note: she sounded drunk when i picked up the phone] so I'm trying to confuse her as much as possible until i can figure out what is happening.

SO. "Missing plane" is one thing. Total accident- there was alot of traffic on the road for Mr. Darcy and it was sleeting and we thought we could make it on time but they wouldn't let us board the plane so close to take off [I nearly believe my own story at this point]. Buuuuuuut not showing up at work b/c I THOUGHT I had off AND THEN "missing plane" is total douche-baggerie. I'm all upset about that and how i'm always screwing things up at this new job and trying to log onto our HR online but I can't remember the password and telling my mom how i think i need a new job and all sorts of horrors like that. But none the less- at the end of the day it would totally be 90% my fault. There is a calendar posted on our production room door which has everyone's days off but I didn't have any so I didn't bother looking. Anyway- very upset didn't sleep well and doesn't it fucking turn out that the next day when i call up the main offices and ask if they were open on tuesday they said "no, today [wednesday] is the first day we're open this week". And that is because my boss is a 15-years-younger-dressing, pill-popping, depressed, alcoholic bitch who didn't know what the hell she was talking about when I called her on the phone.

And that night of anxiety weakened my immune system and allowed the sickness I'd been fighting to settle in. And for the record- jack shit happened yesterday at work I'm told by the other one here and furthermore I've only seen 10 employees today so we can't even get the things we are doing approved/reviewed etc and it's a big waste of our time.

The End.

So much blog material so little time...

I thought I'd share some of the humorous catch phrases of my FIL.
Background: retired military from Boston who is hard of hearing yet refuses to wear his hearing aids, so a bit aggressive and unable to regulate the volume of his voice. Picture Frank Costanza from Seinfeld.

1. I'll Jap slap the crap out of you! (spoken to anyone who steals his seat)
Alternative: I'll knock you out!
2. Gooder than good! (used to compliment a tasty meal)
3. This is your better father (to announce himself on the telephone to his kids, strange b/c they only have one father yet this implies plurality)
Alternative: This is your smarter dad.
4. Another day another dollar!
5. Keep talking Lieutenant we'll find you (spoken to anyone who passes gas)
6. God damn it Lorraine!
7. Good food! Good meat! Thank God! Let's eat! Yay God! (Pre-meal blessing)
8. Get a job! (Directed to his employed children)
9. Negatory (b/c saying "No" is just too easy)

More later!
Scarlett

Merry Christmas my fellow 3 o'clock candy members.....

Its about 10am and I am waiting for Petra and my Dad to get ready so we can go to the hospital to see my brother....

Before I go into that, let me give you some background. Last Tuesday, my brother underwent very similar nose surgery. He is still on medication and needs to take it easy. I know I have shared stories about him picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder when he is mad at me. I was actually all excited about this because it meant he couldn't beat me up. Yay!!

Ok, so on Saturday he decided he wanted to go out for a few drinks. It really was a tame night- 3 or 4 drinks (no really!!) and than home. About midnight I hear him yakking in the bathroom, I just figured it was a bad combination of alcohol and antibiotics. So he is sick all through the night, and still feels like crap the next day (christmas eve).

Now my brother is a big kid and pretty tough. Did I ever tell you how he was walking back from class and two guys attempted to jump him, but somehow he ended up beating one kid and the other one ran away? Anyway, when he has tears in his eyes you know he is pain.
Agh they are ready. I know you are in suspense- but I will finish soon...



Ok- it's now almost 9pm- so where was I....

Ah yes, so Christmas Eve, my parents finally drag my brother to the ER around 11am. After some tests it's confirmed he had an appendicitis. We had to wait for a surgeon to be called in, and the OR to be available. Surgery is scheduled for 6pm on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas ! !

Surgery went well, although he apparently had a "tough" appendix.

Today was Christmas. Unlike previous holidays, this one was spent in a hospital room. No presents were unwrapped and dinner came from the cafeteria. Yeah, it sucked. But it would have sucked even more if his appendix burst or there were complications with surgery.

So, my friends the true meaning of Christmas is not the cashmere sweater you need or the newest electronic gadget you can't live without, but being with family and friends and enjoying the time you spend together. I know this isn't always easy. But tomorrow isn't guaranteed. So my wish for you all this Christmas, is to have a happy, healthy, and safe holiday with family and friends.


Clem

MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES!!!!

Hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas day. More to come later on our travels to North Dakota (it sucked). Also, have already consumed more peanut butter balls in 12 hours than is necessary. Damn they are good!

Phew, well now that the whole KY is to bourbon as Tennessee is to sour mash whiskey analogy has been learned we may move on to other topics, like Rhett's birthday party. It was a hit and by hit I mean that neither Rhett nor myself expunged our stomach's contents in the middle of the night.

Since last night was maybe the last time I'd see the Belding's before Christmas, I gave them their gift. I thought you all might like to see the image I used to make them a mouse pad. Thanks go out to the Future Mrs. Darcy for her mad photoshop skillz!



As you can see, he is really taking the whole pirate birthday seriously. He walks around saying "Aargh! Where is my paci?"


Scarlett's Product Review
I try before you buy!

A co-worker recommended Brummel & Brown's Creamy Fruit Spread to enhance my bagel obsession. This morning I tried it. Though the whipped mouse-like texture was promising out of the package, it melted all over my toasted bagel. Unlike cream cheese which has the substance to stand up to a chewy bagel, this product is just too sweet and too thin when melted. I give this a big thumbs down for toasted bagels though it could be great as a dip for fresh fruit.

-Scarlett

To the Future Mrs. Darcy,

While I appreciate the spirit with which you have compiled the "Happy Birthday, Rhett" birthday card, I felt I needed to clarify the effect of placing a Jack Daniel's label in the mix. Any Kentuckian faced with such an image can't help but shudder and then burst into an a capella version of "My Old Kentucky Home" in order avoid inconsolable weeping. May I suggest instead any number of Kentucky bourbons to replace what we all know as Tennessee sour mash whiskey. I have attached such a label for your convenience.

Sincerely,

Mr. Belding

Rhett thanks you, TFMD, for the birthday wishes. I write this with few minutes b/f his b-day party. For the occasion, Rhett just bought Ridin' Dirty off of iTunes. He's hard and shit like that.

Lata,
Scarlett

Sometimes I get real excited for people's birthdays. Sometimes I also have a diet coke with lunch and act like I've done crack. And EVERY ONCE IN AWHILE THEY OVERLAP.

Since we're on the topic of music....





-Scarlett

Dude this so should be in Grey's Anatomy - listen here!

I hope the east coast 3 o'clock candy contributors had a good random Tuesday drinkfest. I SO wish I could have been there.

It's been a few days since my last entry, I guess this Christms elf stint kinda cramps my style. Unable to spend entire days surfing the internet to bring my friends the cream of the crop in entertainment news / pop culture fads / celebrity gossip or the low down on the guyliner debate, I feel so out of the loop. I did spend a few minutes this morning browsing Pink Is the New Blog, just to make sure nothing major went down in Brit Brit's camp while I was fluffing pillows. Oh, speaking of PITNB - I'm a dork and added the author Trent to my friends on MySpace. I owe him props for breaking the Witherppe story wide open.

Thank you TMFD for appealing to Kirsty Ally, but she was replaced by that Queer Eye Guy for a while and now the company is too broke to pay any B grade celeb to promote their wicker. Kirsty is now the spokeswoman for Jenny Craig.

Well in case your wondering what my Christmas plans are I'll give you a short run down.
Thursday is Rhett's birthday. I've invited some friends over for ice cream cake. Yum!

Friday - work

Saturday - work until 7:30 p.m. then driving to STL

Sunday - family

Monday - family

Tuesday - During the day I will see my friend from Canada.

This is going to be a bit weird due to our deteriorating friendship. I haven't given you all the low down, but here it is. You all remember the last time I saw her in STL? Mr. & Mrs. Belding also came up and the 6 of us had plans...then Canada used her child as an excuse for why they couldn't do like ANYTHING with the rest of us. Then Canada got pissy that she wasn't going to see Mr. & Mrs. Belding (as if I was deliberately keeping them to myself) so we had to pacify her and cancel our plans. Instead, we spent an entire afternoon where they were staying.

We have spoken only a few times since then. She recently has been diagnosed with post partum depression, but refuses medical help while trying to go the "Hannah" holistic route with vitamins. During our last conversation she apologized for not calling me after our initial Sophie conversation. I told her honestly that it was fine. I didn't need that. What I meant, but probably was so passive about that I didn't make myself clear was that I didn't need her. I told her that I felt supported and I still feel supported, just not by her. But strangely, that doesn't really bother me. It's like I'm kinda ready to just take a break from her for a while.

Tuesday night - Going out with TMK. You'll remember, she is my friend from highschool who just reconnected with me. I'm so excited to get together with her and meet her girlfriend. We're going to a great restaurant that Rhett & I always meant to try but never got around to.

Wednesday night - Trans Siberian Orchestra (I'm not kidding! It's for the 'rents)

Thursday - return home

That's my week. I'm sure when I return from STL I'll have LOTS to share.

Probably the best thing about my new job is that we get from December 21 – January 2 off of work. And, it’s even better this year because they are replacing the carpet in our office, so, today is my last day in the office until January 3. Since this is the case, I don’t really have anything to do because I’m not about to start something new. Which means I have plenty of time to do nothing but think about the two weeks that lie ahead. Below is a brief glimpse into what I may be doing during those two weeks for those of you who may be interested.

Tonight I plan to get together with some of my 3 o’clock candy friends for some holiday merriment. However, Clem just told me she’s not drinking which I have to say is bullshit. Her even more bullshit excuse “work tomorrow.” Who is she kidding? I’ve known her to go out for her share of $1 beers on a Wednesday night and still show up at the office the next day. Um Clem, it’s the week before Christmas – nobody expects you to get anything done. If I have to hold you down while TFMD forces you to drink a margarita I will do that. It’s for your own good. Really.

Other plans include shopping for myself since I’m done shopping for everyone else and a nice dinner at Morton’s with mom before leaving for Bismarck. Now, this is where it gets exciting. Here are my tentative plans while in the capital of North Dakota – in no specific order.

1) We are going to play bingo at the bingo hall;
2) We are going to travel across the mighty Missouri River and go to the townie bar and play blackjack. I will feel completely out of place with my coach purse but love every second of it;
3) We are going to go to The Ground Round, the same one where when I was a child you would pay for your meal what you weighed (a steal for mom and dad since I didn’t break 100 pounds ‘til freshman year of high school), and we are going to play trivia;
4) We will spend plenty of evenings playing Pinochle with the future in-laws. My future mother-in-law will not remember how to play and this will lead to her talking very loudly about being confused, her husband will just shake his head and ME and I will drink another beer;
5) We will make plans to go lunch and/or dinner with grandma. She will cancel on us and hour or two before we are supposed to go as this is what she does. This time the future mother-in-law will shake her head, ME and I will drink another beer;
6) I will consume more holiday cookies and treats than I think is possible because my future mother-in-law (from now on to be abbreviated FMIL) passes much of her day baking. Just when I begin to think I’m in a good place because the cookies and therefore temptation is gone, another batch of treats will be pulled from the freezer in the basement;
7) ME and I will attempt to go ice skating at the indoor rink Yes, indoor because even though I’m sure there is an outdoor rink, it’s just to f-ing cold in Bismarck this time of year. I will fall on my ass several time and curse at ME as if it’s his fault;
8) In an attempt to get some exercise, we will join the FMIL and walk the mall. This is what they do in Bismarck. People go to the mall just to walk the inside perimeter for exercise. They don’t stop to buy anything – just to walk. Can’t blame them for not shopping. It’s mostly stores like Vanity and Wet Seal; and lastly
9) We will go to church on Sunday morning like good Lutherans and after church we will go to brunch at the Ramkota – the restaurant inside the local Best Western. Draw your own conclusions on that one.

I’m sure we will do much more than that but I believe those are the highlights. I’m hopeful that the residents of Bismarck will not mind being inspiration for many colorful blog entries to come about my holiday in the cold.

Hope you all have a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Cheers - Margeaux

Dear Kirstie Alley,

I know it is the holiday season and that your home wares store needs to be open and thriving to make a buck or million but I fear you have taken our dear Scarlett away. I think we all secretly knew that she is what keeps this blog on a forward moving path. There could be a new band I am missing out on or a new development in guyliner. I'm hoping for more the former than the latter unless the latter development is that is has been wiped completely out of existence except for David Bowie. I think it would be lovely if you just paid Scarlett and didn't make her work. Despite her giant green dress you can tell she's already been out pulling cotton weeds, why Rhett said so himself when she called upon him in the jail cell card game, so you can see she doesn't need to be worked any harder.

So in conclusion, free her from her decorative pillow cage for some play time with the other belles.

Thank you,





P.S.- I really think you should get back into movies. You look great and could make a great mother-in-law type character in a romantic comedy.

P.P.S.- Special props to beta blogger for losing the "sex" tag that was making you blocked by websense.

Help, please someone! I'm trapped under a mountain of decorative pillows. My elf shoes are pinching my feet and my employee is busting my silver bells.

-Scarlett
Elf #1196039

Well now it all comes out. We were left off the list Scarlett mentioned on friday but I have SNEAKING suspicion it was because those people already knew that we are Time's Person(s) of the Year! It all makes sense now, right?!!

I can't add pictures right now so I'll just direct you here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person_of_the_Year


Acceptance speech anyone?

Dude, where's our nom?

http://2006.weblogawards.org/2006/12/best_diarist.php

Well, I guess it's a blessing in disguise. We won't have to suffer the same fate as Aha, who won a Best New Artist award only to fall into the no man's land of obscure one hit wonders.

Besides, we're too indie cool for some lame blogging industry award anyway.

This is me not bitter,
-Scarlett

Sooo this is a test. While uploading last night's post to blogger it said that i could upload using google docs and spreadsheet... let's see if this works.

Thanks for avoiding a potentially costly law suit. Even though I sign my name as Scarlett, Esq. I'm not really a lawyer, but I do play one on tv.

ok this is a little better-- brown eh.. but i'm looking at replacing the background images. Perhaps some baby cd covers-esque images to put it in language that won't get sued us later..... hmmmmm

p.p.s - Mr. Darcy thinks it's too techy for our group-- I'll change it to something else later.

p.s.- violent coup.

Things I wanted to blog about today but since Google Beta isn't available at my work anymore I could not:

The front page article on the express this very foggy morning was about how circumcision may limit HIV. The article contain the following quote:
"It's not a magic bullet, but a potentially important intervention" written by the one and only Dr. Kevin De Cock.

FOR REAL?!?! Dr. De Cock.... writing....about....circumcision.

Best. Article. Ever.


Secondly I have joined the cult of facebook awhile back and immediately sucked Clem in who in turn (I suspect) sucked in Petra and the cycle continues. Now facebook -- whatever-- i don't even really enjoy it's stalking but it's nice not to have the crazy skins that my sister enjoys that makes the page 25 feet wide by a million feet long and the text only fit in a box 3 inches across. What i love about facebook is one thing and that thing is that i joined a group called "If Jim and Pam don't get together in the end I'll kill myself" So true. So true. P.S.- join facebook i need more friends.

C) While writing Clem I just wrote "Cheese makes everything beer" instead of "cheese makes everything better". My two loves have apparently intersected in my brain.

Fourthly, I believe that the two loves and their combination is my super power. Their fusion has resulted in me being able to call what is about to happen on Heroes in the commercial break before it happens. Mr. Darcy's super power, on the other hand, is to COMPLETELY NOT understand what anyone's super power is until I explain it-- yet he still loves the show. Mr. Darcy's favorite super hero on the show is the chick who (this is a quote) "Does heroin, sits around and beats the crap out of her family"

Awww. Sweet isn't it? Actually his favorite character is the Asian one who's name is, I believe- Hiro.

OK well it's time to leave work. I shall post this when i arrive at home.

Santa is not the only one who knows when you've been naughty...

-Scarlett

As a sensitive individual and very intune with the Earth, I thought you all should be aware of why I could possibly flip out tomorrow. No, it's not my bad Friday (thank goodness, that would be like the perfect storm) but check out this article.

Also, snuffuluficas and i drove in the country last night to watch the meteor shower. Some real beauties! It will continue over the next two nights, although last night was the peak. But I do encourage all of you (even you Margeux) to stay up past your bedtime and look towards the East tonight. We mustn't take Nature for granted.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16187534/

Damn you MSN and your Horoscopes!

I wanted to share my (and Scarlett's) horoscope with you:

"Someone with whom you recently had a deep and meaningful conversation will be acting a bit standoffish today. This person hasn't had a change of heart -- but is feeling rather embarrassed about being so vulnerable.
Do not let this change in attitude hurt your feelings. Instead, give her or him space and time to get used to your friendship's new level. This person needs to feel secure that you are going to be there for the long haul."

TFMD has already told me I am not allowed to visit Crazy Town over a horoscope.

All I'm saying is that the people (or is it astrologers?) who write these things should keep in mind people like me.

I am not going (try) not to be paranoid or upset that it's past 2:30, and I haven't received an email, yet I have "tentative" plans with Cam. Rather I am going to remain calm...unless the Committee tells me otherwise.
And by the way, my sleep over invitation was denied last night. MmmHmmm...but not being paranoid or neurotic.

I may have to go back to a pair and spare.....

Clem

Today would be my dad's 53rd birthday. My Dad had a poet's soul, sharp intellect and a knack for one liners. I have missed my Dad everyday for the last 8 1/2 years. He taught me to appreciate jazz. His favorite jazz singer was Nancy Wilson, not the lead singer of Heart who married Cameron Crowe. My favorite is Nina Simone. I remember sitting around on Friday nights with the high pitched stacato of Miles Davis pouring out of the record player. Yes, I said record player for vinyl was to be revered. Those records are now in my possession. They are just about the most evokative reminder of Dad that I own.

My music snobbery can be traced back to Dad, though he never condescended to my heart-felt passion for The New Kids On The Block. I still remember the embarrassment I harbored once I out grew boy bands. I always wanted my Dad's respect and NKOTB had not been worthy of it.

I miss his stories, which were always animated and funny. He used to repeat jokes he heard on his morning commute and pass them off as his own. I thought he was the funniest man alive until I caught on to his source.

A fitting tribute to my Dad would be a list of all songs that evoke his image in my mind. Some are songs he liked, some are just songs that remind me of him.

1 . I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston
I had a radio plugged into the bathroom, so that when the light switch was flipped the radio also came on. As you may remember, that song was THE biggest song of that year (early 90's) He joked that everytime he peed, that song was playing on my radio. It got to be like Pavlov's dog. He couldn't hear that song without a sudden urge to urinate.

2. It Was a Good Day by Ice Cube
My Dad's favorite gangsta rap of all time.

3. 'Round Midnight as played by Miles Davis

4. Winter by Tori Amos
Just a song about fathers and daughters

5. A Boy Named Sue by Johnny Cash
Well, everything by Johnny Cash reminds me of my Dad.

6. Hurt as performed by Johnny Cash
I think my Dad would have loved this song.

7. Dancing in the Dark by Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band
My dad hated Bruce but loved the E Street Band, especially the sax player.

8. A Few Small Repairs album by Shawn Colvin
I simply cannot listen to this anymore. It was playing when I found out my Dad had passed.

9. Here Comes the Sun by Nina Simone
Brought the house down when played at my Dad's funeral. I remember being greeted by my Dad's roofer buddies with names like "Killer Rick" & "Fast Eddie." They were sheepish at the funeral home wearing their fomal black jeans and boots, preferring instead to gather in the parking lot to have a beer in my Dad's honor. One guy in particular was sweet upon meeting me. He told me that my Dad was so proud of me and talked about me often to his buddies. I didn't know that.

10. Who'll Stop The Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival
I distinctly remember him teaching me to sing this song as a very small kid.

Thanks for indulging me today.

Kids do the darndest things


http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=20918


Pay special attention to the little girl playing air guitar, headbanging and generally shakin what her momma gave her.

That's all for now,
Scarlett

Thanks, Margeaux, for the go ahead to make changes, but the last changes I made to this here blog resulted in no one being able to blog for days. Although I am 3 o'clock candy's self-appointed secretary / treasurer / marketer / legal eagle and cheer captain, this is still a democratic blog so give me your input - I'm thinking dark dots.

-Scarlett

Ok - I know Scarlett mentioned it once before so I will follow up on her comment and say that I wholeheartedly think we need to ditch the green. It is just getting to be too much and green is my favorite color. I looked at the design options and honestly, I think anything has to be better than this one. We are a group of fun people and the design of our wonderful, quirky blog should reflect that - not look like kermit the frog was killed and made into our background. On that note - I say Scarlett, to hell with the vote, just start changing it up and we can make comments as we go and decide that way what we like and what we hate.

Personally, Clem, I'm a sucker for squirrels. I'm also a sucker for pigeons. Their irridescent plumage attracts me. I once nearly beat a man to death when he rudely poured his unwanted orange juice on a pigeon while calling the bird a "rat with wings." That's just uncalled for.

Basically I have a weak spot in my heart for all the underdogs in the animal kingdom.

Here is a picture of a Canadian bird spying my fish & chips at Spinnaker's Brewpub. No, no little birdie, this is my food!

Yay! I can blog again.

Yesterday I was ready to boycott all things Beta, including gmail.
Anyway up and running again.
I would like to share what I just read on CNN
http://www.cnn.com/2006/TECH/science/12/11/squirrels.study.ap/index.html


I don't understand researcher's fasicantion with this heinous creatures. Honestly, what do they expect to learn.
Watch next week there will be some huge story about how a pack of squirrels attacked researchers. That's all I'm saying.

Clem

Wind It Up from SNL






Enjoy!
Scarlett

I remember the mayhem that was voting for a blog template, but would we like to change the background for the new year? Think about it. Submit suggestions.

Also, I changed to the new Beta Blogger so you'll be asked to change as well.

-Scarlett

The Votes Are In....Drum Roll Please....

Snuff's in! Congratulations Snuffalufacis!

Since The Future Mrs. Darcy's vote was clear to only her in her caffeine induced insanity and Margeaux's was equally vague, I counted three out of five definitely in favor of allowing Snuffalufacis' membership.

I would like to mention that this membership is conditional on a few stipulations.
The female members will not be censoring discussions related to:

• cute boys
  
• guyliner debate: passe or totes cool?
  
• Clem's incessant dating neurosis
• Aunt Flow & female anatomy issues (i.e. cramps)
  
• Misc (i.e. waxing, bras, birth control, fashion, hair products)
• bitches we hate
• complaints / mockery of our male counterparts
  

Snuff and any future male members of the three 0'clock candy circle must except this frank discussion for what it is.

Snuff, please contact me with your email address for administrative / stalking purposes. We're all waiting with bated breath for the first entry.

-Scarlett, Esq.
three o'clock candy's self-appointed secretary / treasurer / event coordinator/ marketer /mascot / legal eagle / cheer captain

Move over Melanie Griffith, there is a new working girl in town!

It's official, you're reading the words of the newest part-time "holiday help" team member of a big chain retailer of over-priced, low quality furniture, scented candles and decorative pillows made by political dissidents for 2 cents an hour in a country I couldn't locate on a world map. I get $7.50 an hour and a 20% discount.

My first shift was today. I wore the wrong shoes, ouch! I have a sneaking suspicion that the Christmas music played on a continuous loop will drive me to put my flask to use. All and all it was pretty okay. I basically walked around fluffing pillows and pulling candles to the edge of shelves for 7 hours. I'm considering making this a career. I am so pleased to be the first person to find out what new merch arrived. (Merch is "shop talk" for merchandise!) Yeah, I'm totally cut out for this job. Here's why:

1) I like to talk and this affords me like 100 people with whom I'm paid to chit chat
2) Pretty things to look at all day
3) Our old office didn't offer me a view of the sky except at lunch time, when everyone was willing to pay $10 a day for lunch out where one could see some blue. At the big chain retailer, three walls are windows. Can't get more blue sky unless I plan to landscape for a living.
4) No one will expect me to set aside my personal life to stay on a Friday night until midnight.
5) It takes me 8 minutes to drive to the big chain retailer VS 45 effing minutes to get 7 effing miles from Alexandria to Arlington
6) No one expects anything of me, being only "holiday help" VS my old boss who expected me to be the boss
7) I can tell rubes from the country that that ugly piece of shit vase retailing for $60 is "All the rage on the East-Coast" with the utmost sincerity. It's a talent, lying well.
Reasons 8 - 10 are assorted variations on "no one expects anything of me."

Scarlett
Sales Associate, Giver of "Wow" Customer Service, Merchandiser Extraordinaire

As Scarlet is currently witnessing in the other online world caffeine may as well be speed to my body. I'm on my second green tea of the day (although #2 has two bags in it) and someone who doesn't know me could arrive at the conclusion I'm tripping balls.

But now is a great time to blog. SWEETNESS everyone just left. The blog gods do indeed want this to be blogged.

Which brings me to my point (thank you segue).

Unholy Wednesday

Some of you may recall my blog post several days ago, some of you also went ahead and called to make sure I wasn't climbing into an oven, and for that I thank you. It was not crawling into an over by any means and I worry I was a little "too much" in the post and while practicing brushing my teeth in the mirror in case I'm ever asked to be in a toothpaste commercial last night I realized something. It was unholy Wednesday.


Now I know that Popodop has unholy fridays after many a "fresh air break" and that Clem spans several unholy days at a time and cannot vouch for the rest of the crew but you may have caught my drift.

And that is the drift of Aunt Flow. Now growing up I always hrrmphed like an old man at the talk of the PMS since the "P" was never really a problem for me and people were generally confused when I told them I just had "MS" but now and again we have an unholy Wednesday. I know there is a song from the mid-90s that sums up this unholiness perfectly having to do with a general "it's not you - it's me/ sometimes I'm just down". DAMN IT WHAT'S THE FRIGGIN SONG?!?! Ok I need to know now.

Anyway as the caffeine dies down I just wanted to reiterate that everything is fine even if it is still up in the air.

Damn it what is that song? Ok all profoundness and lack thereof is halted until I figure it out.









EDITED TO AMEND: Clem is a genius and the song is "Just one of those day" by Monica

I couldn't sleep so I've spent the last 1/2 hour perusing McSweeney's. Read this, it's very funny to girls who grew up wearing padded shoulders while listening to Timmy T beg for One More Try.

New Dr. Pepper Berries & Cream

Submitted by Katie Desobry

During puberty, the other girls were starting to wear Teen Spirit. It didn't make sense. The smell of coconuts should not come out of armpits. This deodorant does not have a real-world application. It does not provide long-lasting protection from odor. When a normal, active teenage girl rubs a very strong fruit scent under her arms and goes about her activities, it is guaranteed that within hours she will begin to stink of rotten fruit. Like moldy strawberries. Like rancid coconut milk. Like assberries.

I could always pick out the girls who wore Teen Spirit Berry Blossom. I can smell them from 10 feet out. Those girls are also big huggers. They would hug me and I would almost fall over from the intense, overly fake smell of the rotting berry blossoms from the assberry vine. I always wanted to push them off and say, "You smell of assberries! Go clean yourself! This is not natural! Berries don't belong in there!"

When I opened up my bottle of Dr. Pepper's new blend of raspberry and vanilla, I was met with the smell of the underarm of a seventh-grade girl straight from gym class. I thought it was impossible to turn that smell into a soft drink, so I tasted it. I haven't ever actually tasted a teenage girl covered in Rotten Assberry Teen Spirit, but this is what I always imagined it would taste like if someone carbonated one and put her in a bottle.

For the record, I've been brand loyal to Secret since like the age of 10.
-Scarlett

Vote or Die (Part Deux)

Do we embrace boys into the warm bosom of 3 o'clock candy? Snuff wants to know. I need a show of hands.

- Scarlett

Vote or Die!!!










Which wallpaper swatch do we like for behind my headboard?


- Scarlett

Stuipd Army! ME's dad officially received his orders and is going to Iraq for a year. He leaves around Jan. 22 or 25 or something for training and then conveniently leaves for Iraq sometime before our wedding and likely will not be able to come back to attend. Stupid, stupid Army! Now we are faced with the decision of continuing with our plans or canceling everything and quick throwing something together for January just for family so that he can be there. I am so upset and really don't know what to do. As much as I don't get uber-excited about the wedding planning, I am really looking forward to my wedding (see previous entry re: paper samples). However, isn't it really about family and shouldn't it be more important that his dad be there than me having my friends there? Stupid, stupid Army! This is one of those times where if I was religious I would type "WWJD" but since I am far from religious, and think those bracelets are DUMB, I can't rely on JC and therefore must turn to my friends at 3 o'clock candy for advice. Stupid, stupid Army - how I HATE you so for fucking up my plans every chance you get !! (insert string of expletives here)

Una cerveza por favor!

As you can tell I am back but so badly wish I was not here. Mexico was fantastic and the weather was beautiful! ME and I arrived on Friday and after getting our stuff settled in the room, promptly stopped at the bar and ordered pina coladas b/c fruity drinks are a necessity while in Mexico. The vacation itself was really pretty uneventful. We only left the resort once to go in to Playa del Carmen and if you’ve never been there, you really aren’t missing much. It was nothing special. I kept looking at sarongs and little flowy dresses commenting how they would be so nice for the honeymoon but never actually purchased one. Most of our time was spent in the pool or on the beach or at the pool by the beach. When in the pool we often found our way over to the pool bar and enjoyed a few cervezas there. We took a boat tour of the property – which has lots of canals and a river running through it. The canals are man made and are surrounded by mangroves. Apparently there are a few crocodiles but we didn’t see any. Those of you who actually saw all 209 pictures (I was experimenting with the camera settings) know how beautiful the property was.

The wedding was lovely, the food was good and the drinks were strong. Mom and I did get in to a fight eventually but I think things are ok now. I’m really not sure. We aren’t talking about it and apparently are just pretending it didn’t happen.

As for everything else in my life, it’s there. I received paper samples before leaving last week and now feel that I need opinions of others to decide which paper to use. How many different paper types are too many? The invitation and response card will be one, and then I have the accommodations, driving directions and menu selections. Can I use up to three different paper types or is that too much? Does anybody actually give a shit? TFMD – we may need to sit down because I need your expert opinion. I feel that once I return from ND for Christmas I must focus myself and actually begin working more on this wedding. Lucky me.

That’s enough for me for now. I have work to catch up on but wanted to drop my two cents in to the mix. Lastly, as for work, at one point or another we all have jobs we hate. While I enjoy my current position, I must admit there are aspects of my old job that I miss but please do NOT think that means I pine for my old job, coworkers and employer – I most definitely do not. For now, I like what I do well enough, it pays the bills, but I have NO idea what I want to be when I grow up. I think we all go through periods like this. TFMD – you have amazing talents and if your employer can’t recognize how smart and talented you are then it’s their loss. You need to be allowed to let your “creative juices flow.” That sounds dirty to me which means it’s time for me to wind this up.

Adios amigas!

Sorry, I forgot to mention that I LOVE the new Nelly Furtado single "Say it Right" and I noticed it is now on Clem's MySpace page. I'm glad to hear that Nelly has returned to the sound that made me a fan in the first place. I hope she abandons future projects that have her sounding like the product of the poor man's Christina Aguilara having a baby with Timbaland (BTW, why did he name himself after a shoe / clothing line?)

Nelly, you sang the uplifting "I'm Like A Bird" loved by even the harshest critic, Nick Hornby, who was compelled to include an essay on the song in his Songbook. Don't degrade yourself, by singing lyrics about how promiscuous you are. In highschool that is what jealous be-yotches said about the girls they hated. I'm sorry, is this a case of irony? Is this an attempt to "reclaim" the word, like we did with "Bitch" and others did with the "N" word? I somehow doubt Promiscuous was ironic.

Just my two cents,
Scarlett

To avoid work while I was bursaring (is that a verb?) I often browsed the following entertaining and informative websites:

Pink is the New Blog
http://trent.blogspot.com/
A hilarious take on celebrity gossip.

Stereogum
http://www.stereogum.com/
A must-read for any indie music lover

McSweeney's
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/
Lists, short stories and other interesting writings. LOTS to read in case you really, really want to avoid work.

The Future Mrs. Darcy, take heart, we all get where you're coming from. (Sorry, dangling participle) We sympathize and hope that you find fulfilment in your career soon. As talented as you are, demonstrated by a very hot Johnny Depp singing my theme song in a cool card that you made, you're sure to find some employer who recognizes that your contributions are invaluable.

F the "man"
Scarlett

Oh, BTW Margeaux, your Me-hi-co pictures were beautiful if not prolific :-)

I think I've hated most jobs I have at one point or another. I am not sure if it's me, the concept of the job, or the people I have to work with. Maybe a combination. And I think if you ask most people, they have also been unhappy at work. People were not meant to sit in front of computers for 8 hours a day.

But if you are forced to do that. I would suggest finding entertaining things to do.

Here are a few of my daily visits:
http://3oclockcandy.blogspot.com/ (that's a given)
http://people.aol.com/people
http://www.tmz.com/
http://www.woot.com (especially fun when they have a Woot-Off)
http://gofugyourself.typepad.com


That can kill about 2 hours on a good day. Especially Monday when you have catching up to do.
I hope this helps. If not, there is always that support group called "EVERYBODY" and we meet at the bar.

Happy almost Friday!

Clem

Wind it Up
An update of the life of The Future Mrs. Darcy as told in 3 Acts


Act III
Lessons.

Yesterday morning in my first venture out of the living quarters of the apartment down the hall into the public quarters of the house on my way to turn put on the kettle for some yummy oatmeal while keeping an ever vigilant eye out for the wee mouse who has only made one appearance to myself (but that my friends is enough), I was confronted with low erroneous noise which is my least favorite kind of noise. I immediately tracked it down to the xbox which was whirring out of control. I was mere inches from shutting it off when I realized- hmm perhaps I should not turn off the xbox despite it's horribly annoying whirring because maybe it being on could signify something to Mr. Darcy and stopped. I believe this sort of thought is the kind of thought that saves marriages or marriages-to-be. In fact, Mr. Darcy had recently to go on another xbox kick after months of dormancy and was planning on beating Splinter Cell "Mario Brother Style" which apparently means keeping it on pause constantly. GOOD JOB BRAIN! GOLD STARS FOR WHICH EVER AREA MADE THAT THOUGHT. No gold stars to the part of me that said "hmm the bag seems to have come unsealed with malicious intent or bad engineering in the vending machine but I'm sure it's ok to eat these stale fruity snacks anyway" {side note: if anyone gets word I'm in the hospital- please tell the nice doctors that story}.

Also no gold stars for the part of the brain that decided- DESPITE REPORTS FROM OTHER PARTS OF THE BRAIN THAT I WAS HUNGRY, TIRED, FRUSTRATED, AND INSECURE- to spark a conversation with Mr. Darcy that I don't think I like my job and I'm not sure if everything I've been working for in the last 10 years is what I want to be doing on the way to the grocery store which led to crying in the produce and meat department and sulking for a half an hour in line. Mr. Darcy has been convinced for awhile that I don't like doing what I'm doing and is even now more resolute in his conviction now that I've been at 2 jobs and haven't be happy and thinks that I should get a new job in a related field ASAP.

Now take a second and pretend someone just told you they are going to hold you down, light your hair on fire and then burn your ipod with the flames.

That is the reaction I have both inside and out to the thought of a) finding a new job and b) finding a new job that is not designing but still somehow related to it. And we don't know what that job is. It's mystery design related job that I may like more than what I'm doing now or I may hate. And since I don't hate my job now- I just feel incredibly anxious that I'm screwing things up and I feel like no one likes what I'm doing and they give a lot of changes until they finally throw up their hands and think "ugh well I guess this is as good as it's going to get" and we go with that. Or sometimes I feel like they're saying something is good and they're really blowing smoke up my ass. And, yeah, sometimes I actually feel like I am doing well and I know what I'm doing but that is fewer and far between.

To make everything more complicated that's never really happened. I feel like most jobs I've had I've always been the star employee and here I feel like people act have a touch of amazement when they tell me I did something good. NOW. Am I just spoiled and can't deal with having a tough time somewhere? It's not like jobs have come naturally- I've worked to be good at most of them. So I don't know. I don't know I don't know I don't know.

Also I don't know how this fits in but there has been quite a bit of talk in the Darcy household about returning to our cold homeland. Or rather, east of Mr. Darcy's homeland where they park cars in harvard yard and root for the red sox and other nonsense like that. Scarlet- I have to show you pictures of the 3 unit houses Mr. Darcy took a look at over Thanksgiving which he wants to "fix up" and rent out. It makes your Death Trap look like Martha Stewart's Compound.

And that's about it. Past, less past-kinda present, and the bogs of the mind.

END PLAY.









P.S.- I write everything in a non-addressed Entourage email as to not be suspicious at work so this is probably as formatted as it gets... SORRY

Honest Officer, I didn't push him!

Some time after I blogged last night, I was sitting in the kitchen when I heard a commotion. I will try to describe what I heard:

da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, da dum, "!@$^))((*&&^%%$$&#@!&^%$#@(&%!!!"

This was the sound of Rhett walking down our unlit hard-wood staircase in socks, slipping on the top step, falling to the bottom, then letting out a string of expletives that would have made even The Future Mrs. Darcy blush. He busted up his heel and ankle and blood was pouring from his elbow.

Today he remains upstairs, while I cater to his every whim.
"Scarlett, could you bring me some coffee?"
"Scarlett, I'd like a bagel with cream cheese?"
"Scarlett, I need some ibuprofen. Could you get it?"

Rhett now refers to the house as a death trap.

-Scarlett

JUST ONE QUESTION....

Why wouldn't you eat egg drop soup for breakfast?

So, I just returned from dinner at my neighbors. I just read The Future Mrs. Darcy's blog entry so I'm listening to Etta James' At Last! God, I f-ing love that song!

K, now listening to I Can't Stand The Rain, by Ann Peebles - great funky 70's song. Love good music when I'm drunk....

yeah, have nothing interesting to mention.

Peace Out,
-Scarlett

HOLIDAY EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy.
Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do.
This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Wind it Up
An update of the life of The Future Mrs. Darcy as told in 3 Acts

Act II
Return of the Two Fellowship Ring Kings

So after my Thanksgiving extravaganza the week before I came back to two having been gone 2 more days than everyone else and general had no idea what I was doing. I forgot what all of my projects were and where they were and when they were due and it turns out they were everywhere and increasing and all due not-now-right-now.

This is was part of my decent into what was becoming my increasingly hobbit-like behavior. I didn't have time to blog or chat or anything. People were worried. But that did stop me or Mr. Darcy (who I assume was not as hobbit-ish at work but I cannot confirm). We eschewed other people and... Even TV. We let DVR take over and just hung out. Notable exceptions to this behavior are Wednesday when we went to poker. I, eschewing people, was reluctant to go spend time with people who invariably piss me off but Bosse just moved into his new house and my presence forces them to play tournament so it couldn't be that bad could it? Wrong. House was nice. Got to see the children who are always cute and we did play tournament but the normal bullshit of playing with childish men who have bigger mood swings than a pregnant woman watching a Lifetime marathon of Beaches, Steel Magnolias, and Love Actually. Bleh. And I was out late.

Other notable exception is Friday where my anger at stupid insurance agents who lie to me and other customer service assholes who turn on their answering service at 4:57 so I get to hear "Our office hours are Monday through Friday 8 am to 5 pm. Please call back during normal business hours" WHEN IT IS IN FACT NORMAL BUSINESS HOURS!!!!!!!! This anger led me to go out with Mr. Darcy's crew from work to a dive near them, over to Guapo's in Bethesda then to another bar in Bethesda. It was at Guapo's that I got a sickening suspicion that my body is still not letting me forget the indiscretions from the PREVIOUS Friday. I had one beer and one margarita and felt like I was going to vomit WHICH means I was only able to have one single solitary nacho and one single solitary chicken quesadilla slice. BOO!!! I did not drink for the rest of the night and felt slightly better towards the end of the night. Mr. Darcy was going to host an "after party" but due to the dramatic shift in weather and the rest of the party's great level of drunkenness compare to our lack there of we ran ahead to the metro and figured if they followed they followed. They did not and I hear went off to "after party" elsewhere. I'm not so sure I enjoy the company of all of them so no skin off my ass.

The co-workers of Mr. Darcy have tendency to be argumentative which is fine but the friends of a specific co-worker of Mr. Darcy's are hipster intellectuals who argue in the way where .... Ok I'll give an example:

Mr. Darcy told a story [from where ever we went with Scarlet before angry inch] about a boy at a bar who was trying to talk to this girl and marines in full uniform come up to the bar between them not even noticing the guy and start talking to the girl and the girl perks up and starts talking back and original guy kind of slinks off.

Romanian argumentative co-worker turns to me and is like "what is the deal with guys in uniform" to which I say "well I'm not 100% sure and I can't speak for all women but uniforms are usually cut well and look better on than some crap some guys wear and that I'm sure SOME women are attracted to a guy in a uniform for the same way that they would be attracted to the type of guys you'd see on the Jersey Shore [which was my way of saying big macho muscle-y men in small shirts that wear chain and who can probably shotgun beers- machoismo]" so I'm being argued over that and how Romanian Arguer is saying things I will not dare because Popadop's rage could even be felt that night when he was talking nearly to the point I wanted to look around for a giant eye watching over me and explain carefully that I do not agree and please don't hurt me... But I digress. So I'm stating my elegant argument and friend of co-worker [we'll call him Hipster Film Ass #1] decides it's time to jump in the conversation from the other side of the table stops me and has me start everything from the beginning but doesn't even argue at my points but accusingly say the exact same thing I just said but with inflection on the end. I then leapt across the person in between us and between blows to the head yelled "COMB YOUR FUGLY UNWASHED HIPSTER HAIR WAY AWAY FROM YOUR DAMN EARS AND MAYBE YOU COULD HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING IN ENTIRETY THEN WAIT TO SPEAK YOU STUPID BITCH!" .... Or maybe that just went on in my head.

The rest of the weekend was filled with watching movies, separating netflix lists so we could get accurate percentages of which of our friends we are most similar to (and so "Stick It" could be moved to the top of the queue), hours of me re-rating movies on my list, and dismissing everything else that couldn't be done in my PJs except for a quick trip to Panera and Bed Bath and Beyond.

It was at Bed Bath and Beyond that music was playing from those giant CD displays that you type in a number and it plays select track from that CD and the choices are usually Enya, Forests, More Enya and Waterfalls but this was not so. This was a delightful song that I know but wouldn't consider super popular and that I went home and bought off itunes and played it a million times and then asked Mr. Darcy if it could be the song we first dance to (thus knocking out "My Humps" out of contention) to which he agreed......

At Last by Etta James.

Thoughts? Comments?

And fear not... Mr. Darcy suggested he could use "My Humps" for his Mother-Son dance.

Popodop, please do not interpret silence as not approving your poetry....I speak for myself when I say it was very good and encourage all written works of the creative variety. I'll be happy to buy a copy of future publications for the very reasonable rate of $29.95!

I could be a writer. I feel there is a great American novel in my soul, or at the very least a good short story. However, every piece of writing is too autobiographical, that's not fiction, that's called blogging. I feel that the simple exercise of daily blogging has been very good for my otherwise unused mind. So, let me give props to The Future Mrs. Darcy for being the brainchild of 3 o'clock candy.

Perhaps, I'll work on my story archs and self-publish myself in the future.

-Scarlett