3 o'clock candy

Monday, April 30, 2007

What is going on with this forum these days? Are we in the midst of a Spring bluesy fest or what?
Anyhow congrats to all those treating their bodies like temples, doing how to get married classes, counselling those who are getting unmarried, etc, etc.

Anyhow little updates include: Went to Jamaica for the World Cup, which was brilliant and blog worthy but there you go. Had my birthday weekend and was joined by Brandonstein and Hedonistein all the way from the old country. Headed off to Europe for a week and been going to ATL for a bit also. Also had a 20 year anniversary for my own Pops (R.I.P. T.C.). Just got back from NC where we had a bit of a clan gathering to welcome our new niece also called NC. Soooo, weeks ahead include few trips to ATL, trip to Canada, likely trip to Europe, little thing I like to call Margereux (sic) wedding, visitation by Momma Snuff and so on.

So not so much a blog rather a journal entry metinks. Hey did youse check out wor Radio station yet - remember its about the fans and the muzak.

Happy Playlist Part II
Roman Holiday Complete With Vespa and Audrey Hepburn Style Pencil Pants
*As most of these songs cannot be found at iTunes, I didn't make a fancy playlist. Instead I'll send a cd upon request.

Waters of March - Antonio Carlos Jobim & Elis Regina

Un Very Stylish Fille - Dimitri From Paris

Frenesi - Edyie Gorme

Crickets Sing For Anamaria - Marcos Valle

It Had Better Be Tonight - Lena Horne

So Danco Samba - Stan Getz & Joao Gilberto

The Girl From Ipanema - Stan Getz & Joao Gilberto & Antonio Carlos Jobim

Mais Que Nada - Brasil '66 & Sergio Mendes

Tarde Em Itapoa - Marilia Medalha, Toquinho & Vinicius

Desafinado (Off Key) - Charlie Byrd & Stan Getz

Desafinado - George Michael

August Day Song - King Britt

So Nice (Summer Samba) - Mario Caldato, Jr.

Bananeria - Rae & Christian

Sem Contenção - Sin Plomo

Sem Contencao - Trüby Trio

Oh, a little Bossa Nova goes a long way to making me smile! Some of these songs were discovered thanks to a friend who hosted the coolest cocktail party that I ever attended. The host truly earned my respect when he researched "the cocktail" to almost academic proportions. Each round was a different drink prepared authentically to 1950's recipes with some hard to locate gins. The apps were divine and the music was great. The parting gift was a cd with great old jazz standards. Many of the songs on this playlist are from that cd. Some of the others toward the end are from a cd I found at the library in the "world music" section. It's a cd called Tanto Tempo Remixes by Bebel Gilberto, a contemporary Brazillian chanteuse, whose dad, Joao Gilberto, was responsible for songs like "The Girl from Ipanema."

As much as I try to be that indie rock chick, I think my Bossa Nova collection excludes me from the kids who wear Journey tee shirts with an ironic sneer.

Can't today just be a holiday or something?
I don't want to be at work.

So I was really ready for this weekend to be a giant nightmare. It was not. Wow maybe this is too soon to be writing again. I feel Popadop and Snuff may be the only ones who will truly understand that since they did the whole thing too.

Basically what the weekend is is 2 couples who present on various topic according to this 100 page booklet you get in the beginning. They give an anecdotal presentation on whatever topic then point you to a series of questions about it followed by 3 blank lined pages and have one of the couple stay in the conference room and the other go back to the hotel room and both write separately then after about 20 minutes they tell whoever stayed in the conference area to go back up to the room and then you have 15 minutes to talk about what you wrote.

Now. As you can probably tell my long and rambling blog posts I can talk and muse and discuss ad nauseum. Well let me say by Sunday I was tapped. Literally the fact that I can string two words together is a fucking miracle.

Mr. Darcy and I were talking about this a little last night- we feel we'd talked about a lot before and even so were kind of surprised that we ended up talking about a lot more. Anyway...

We got there at 7:30 on Friday and had presentation etc until 9 or 10 then - what else is there to do at a hotel in Dulles at 10pm? The one and only hotel bar. So we were out until 12- not too bad. Then up at 7 to be at the conference room at 8 and then ALL DAY. Writing and writing and writing and talking and talking and talking and then let out at 9. That's 11 hours of talking and writing and listening. Then it's now 9 pm even farther from bedtime and what do you do- go to the bar. This time everyone went to the bar.

Now an aside on the people. I am shocked at the amount of type A out-going people. Out of the almost 30 couples only about 2 or 3 were reserved. Mr. Darcy and I were kind of expecting quiet trolls I think. Anyway so everyone at the bar and we joined up and talked to everyone there- which was fine. I'm very glad to report there was little to no forced socialization between the couples and the time we did talk to them was voluntary and not horrible nor exclusive to extensive conversations about photographers and bridesmaid dresses. Now we didn't make friends with people and exchange email addresses like others but I don't really like people in general so that's fine with me.

By the time Sunday rolled around I could barely think. We did stuff in the morning which basically consisted of me writing- "I am so tired. I can't think." and teetering on the brink of hallucinations.

Pleasantly we got out at 1pm scooted home and slept until 5. But our weekend does not end there. We had our Tragically Hip concert at 9:30 Club which was great. We decided to go out to Guapo's beforehand and have (a pitcher) of margaritas and food. And yada yada yada food concert etc and we didn't get home until 1 am.

This morning we decided to sleep in an extra hour (ooh getting up at 7! Yay!) and thankfully rolling in at 10 of 9 I still managed to be the first one here so that means I practically got in on time at 8 am and can leave at 4. Just like I planned!

So that was the weekend. It was good- I just feel like there was soooooooo much and that I just want to sit out in the sun today instead of sit at my desk.

That'll all I got.
Remind me to tell you all about the Sexual Intimacy and Natural Family Planning topics later. All I can say is WOW. Nothing like middle aged couples talking about their sex life.

But we'll save that for another time.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

7 Days into my detox

I really should look at the calendar closer next time I plan one of these months of abstinence. Today is a significant day, my mom would have been 51 years old today. Coincidentally, my dad died 9 years ago today. I usually spend this day listening to Nancy Wilson on vinyl, looking at old photographs, telling Rhett stories that he's heard a million times and getting drunk. Instead I worked all day and came home to a lovely new fresh coat of paint in my to-be spare bedroom. I realize that I failed to capture the fugliest wallpaper ever on camera b/f Rhett painted. Oh well ce' la vie!

I also realized that a sober Scarlett wakes up on a Sunday morning feeling - actually rested! It's amazing.

Pics of the room to be posted soon.


Saturday, April 28, 2007

Testing the whole non-drinking thing today at a wedding held at a winery!!! Ha! The gods certainly have a sense of humor, do they not?

Anyway, I just thought I would brag about the best night's sleep I think I've ever had (save the night spent at the Ritz in Clayton, Missouri en route to NYC for our honeymoon.) So here's why: since the 'rents are coming for an extended stay we thought we'd just buy a second bed instead of putting them up in a hotel. We thought "Wait! Let's get ourselves a King size mattress" which due it's size forced us to switch bedrooms. Switching bedrooms in the middle of painting rooms with oil based primer and now my clothes are spread out in over 3 rooms and a foyer. These factors have made me fussy and want to drink - but since I'm radiating nothing but positivity and sobriety - instead I turn to creating the perfect happy playlist. And finally - we've reached the point of the story. My bed is a heaven sent pillow top mattress that finally allows me to sleep slightly on the diagonal. Best part - bought it from my neighbors who sell mattresses to retailers so I got it at cost which is so cheap I want to pinch myself.

Okay so I'll get to publishing those playlists later...I've got a wedding to get ready for.


Friday, April 27, 2007

I know that I've been commissioned for a happy playlist and I'll be glad to oblige, but first let me give my more than two cents on the sad playlist:

[coming directly from a personal playlist called "Singing w/ your eyes shut: A karaoke version of drunk dialing"]


[Under Construction]
Now for the happy playlist:
When asked for happy songs, my immediate reaction was to turn to my arsenal of 80's favorites, but then I thought oh no! maybe this is more the time to dance around one's kitchen like in EVERY British romantic comedy...but then I thought: Bossa Nova! So, since I can't edit myself I'll give you the happy playlist in 3 parts:

Jordache Jean's Back Pocket Arsenal

Another One Bites The Dust - Queen

Jessie's Girl - Rick Springfield

Tainted Love* - Soft Cell

*Which I should mention was perfectly sampled by the lovely Rhianna and I love the "Umbrella" song!!! Just waiting for MySpace to pick it up so I can just hit play over and over and over on my profile page!

Blister In The Sun - Violent Femmes

There She Goes - The La's

Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode

A Little Respect - Erasure

Safety Dance* - Men Without Hats
*How cool am I that I own this bad boy on vinyl?

Rock the Casbah - The Clash
(One of my favorite album covers, simple yet effective!)

I Want A New Drug - Huey Lewis and the News
Appropriate since I'm detoxing, especially since I'm all jacked up on my new vice - CAFFEINE!!

Down Under - Men At Work

Physical Attraction - Madonna

Send Me An Angel - Real Life

Blue Monday - New Order

Stand - R.E.M.

The Boys of Summer - Don Henley

Two of Hearts - Stacey Q

Always on My Mind - Pet Shop Boys

It Takes Two - Rob Base and D.J. E-Z Rock

Do You Really Want to Hurt Me - Culture Club

Hugh Grant Montage
Roman Holiday Complete w/ Vespa and Audrey Hepburn Style Pencil Pants
Coming Soon....


I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. I guess I have been in a funk lately.

So Friday night I went out with some girls I went to college with. I was looking forward to catching up them since I hadn’t seen some of them in a while. Happy hour was fine. It usually is. Late night is when things take a turn for the worst. I basically felt like I was babysitting two of them. One of which is going through a divorce, the other is just out of control. You put the two of them together, somehow I become the mature sane one. When did that happen?

Today I leave for a beach weekend. I guess I’m looking forward to getting away. I haven’t been in the mood to drink at all. I have a beer, and I am like, uh yeah that wasn’t good or satisfying in anyway. I think someone said I should see a doctor about that.

The two friends mentioned above are also going to the beach. I honestly don’t feel like I am in any position to give advice or try to control them. And I don’t really want to, but somehow I feel responsible.

My brother is also going. I am really excited, yet nervous, about that. He will get to meet a lot of people, including Cam. I’ve been so wrapped up in other issues that I haven’t even thought about how that will go. Ugh, making myself sick thinking about it now. Ok…focus on other things.

Hmmm…must still do laundry and pack. One hour till the Boss leaves and I am out about 5 mins after that.

Thank you TFMD for your play list. I will be sure to download the songs and grab a bottle of wine and have myself a crying party. All are welcome.

Stay dry and have a good weekend !

Clem's Criers

So cutting to the chase, Clem and I were talking about songs that make you cry. I made a whole list and researched how to do Scarlett's cool iTunes in a blog thang but all my music is on my ipod so it's a no go.

BUT this way i can list it out AND give reasoning when necessary

Mad World [covered] by Gary Jules

Colorblind by Counting Crow
This is one of the two songs that I feel is a guaranteed cry

Foolish Games by Jewel

I Know by Fiona Apple
This is the other near guarantee

Everything Reminds Me of Her by Elliot Smith

9 Crimes by Damien Rice

I'll Back You Up (acoustic) by Dave Matthews

[Now this is the 'situational' part of the list- and by that I mean the songs don't necessary all sound as sad as the previous but subject matter is
really sad and that's why I end up crying]

Silent All These Years by Tori Amos

If I Wrote You by Dar Williams

Adam's Song by Blink 182
Now this is the reason I'm glad I can explain. You're probably looking at this thinking "Blink 182- really?" but this song is banned from car trips because even though I don't know anyone who's committed suicide personally when they get to the line "Please tell Mom this is not her fault" I start BAWLING. I'm tearing up just writing it.

Regarding Stephen by John Popper (of Blues Traveller fame)
This is another song which doesn't "sound" sad but this was from a best of VH1 storytellers cd and... Well listen to it and then look up the story if you want but this is one of the two songs on here that features the singer kind of screaming/raging/crying (well maybe not crying) which is always a good alternative to the maudlin and quietness of a lot of the songs.

Break Your Heart by Barenaked Ladies
This is the second screamer. I listened to this WAY TOO MUCH IN COLLEGE.

Widow of a Living Man by Ben Harper

Iowa by Dar Williams

Fast Car by Tracy Chapman
This song is on here for Mr. Darcy. If I'm not careful it will SUCK HIM in and he will listen to it over and over and over and over and spiral away.
[that's the last song that I consider not sad sounding but sad situations]

Romeo and Juliet by Indigo Girls

God of Wine by Third Eye Blind

Hurt [covered] by Johnny Cash

Losing My Religion by REM

Small Victories by Ron Hawkins

Perfect by Smashing Pumpkins

The Sound of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel

Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

(oh, and why not!)
Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
Now i'm sure by the last 3 you're laughing again because these are such- "oh this song is playing in the movie- perhaps something sad is about to happen- yup- there it is."

Somewhere Over the Rainbow [covered] by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole
This was featured in Donnie Darko and 50 First Dates- I don't know why it makes me cry unless residual effect from Donnie Darko.

I'm also going to throw a general-
all songs by Radiohead.

SO there's that- I'm commissioned our musical genius Scarlett to get together a happy songs playlist to get you all away from the ledge after this.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Anybody interested in seeing Joss Stone at Wolf Trap on June 13?

Thanks for managing my expectations on detox, TFMD. 3 Days and it doesn't seem to be too bad although, I'm attending a wedding for Mrs. Belding's bro on Saturday. Yeah, he's getting married at a winery. I thanked Mrs. Belding for the invite to crash in their hotel room if we were not in a shape to drive. I told her that we won't be drinking and I could hear in her voice the guarded surprise. No big deal, yet!

So anyway on to Canada. She wrote me about how her child is now walking and talking. They have been spending some "lovely" days at the park. Who, says "lovely"? Not sure what to say to her. Mrs. Belding had just recently emailed Canada pics of the baby pirate, so that was prolly the catalyst for her email to me.

I think I'll just say:

Oh! sorry for the delay in my response but I'm very busy. I work two jobs and with the work I'm doing on the house, I barely have time for myself. (Which is complete bullshit and she'd know that if she ever looked at MySpace)

I feel like I should manage her expectations of visiting her in the Fall at her new house. See, they are moving in the late summer to upstate NY where her husband got a job. Last time we spoke I told her that we were going to a wedding in Albany in the Fall. She of course was like, "Oh since you'll be an hour away, you should come to my houes" Well, how about - we don't want to. The last time they were in STL, they didn't come to see me or my brand new house (a mere two hours away). I mentioned to Canada that while in NY we were hoping to go into Manhattan to see the city and see a mutual friend of ours. Now, I'm thinking 1) we can't go into the city - Fuck it! I almost said I can't do something out of polite niceities. Fuck that! If I want to go into Manhattan, then I'll effing go, to hell with her and her expectations.

See, I am now directing my anger outward, not inward. Phew! I feel better. And look it's 8:55 a.m. and I haven't even had a drink! Yay me! Picture of sobriety.


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Let me be the first to congratulate you on your detox.

Many have followed down this illustrious road including Brit Brit, La Lohan, and, recently, a Mr. Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

First let me tell you that on, let's say, this Sunday you will think to yourself "Wow, I'm doing so good! I'm so impressed with myself- I must have done this for- what... Hmm [counts] FOUR FUCKING DAYS?!?! This feels like it should have been at least two weeks" And that will continue for the next 3 weeks. Or at least that was what it was in my opinion. Aaand frankly that was kind of scary.

Anyway. Not much else going on in my world. Margeaux's shower and bachelorette were fun. Unfortunately the videos from the bar came out much darker than I thought so you really can't see much (although I plan to see if I can lighten them in iMovie) and I think I hit the button too many times so the last movie (which i vaguely remember is the best) was not taping at the time. I have this montage planned but it's been too nice out for me to do anything about it.

Interesting about Canada as well. I had a sweet but not quite sickly sweet conversation with OJ yesterday where we tread the very familiar ground of she hates her job while blatantly leaving out any mention of her re-on-again again again again again boyfriend, Ike Turner. Whatever. I just wrote a whole thing about it but deleted it since really- no one cares. Including me and that's kind of a problem when you don't care about a giant part of your friend's life.

OH. I nearly forgot. This weekend I will be report on location from some Hilton in Centreville out by Dulles at Mr. Darcy and my- ENGAGED ENCOUNTER. [insert Twilight Zone music here]. I'm going to force Mr. Darcy to bring his laptop (I'm sure it'll be a huge arm twist... NOT) (hahah I just said NOT like it's 1992 and we just left Wayne's World) ....

(Party time. Excellent) ....

ANYWAY I'm going to try and bring you guys up to the minute/hour/eating period/day information. Look forward to such interesting topics like - I have to have a friggin roommate and I generally dislike most people so... That'll be great. AND Why do we need to bring a non-perishable food items snack to share?

Ahhh this reminds me of my Confirmation Retreat. We weren't allowed to bring watches so we weren't constantly seeing how long we had left but my friend, Pam, was in front of me in line so I knew it was coming and smuggled it in. And then I SOMEHOW ended up with the cool kids who snuck out in the middle of the night and had a bonfire in the woods. Oh note: in the words of Mr. Darcy's co-worker at the St. B's Annual Auction that we are invited to b/c Mr. Darcy's boss' kids go there as well as it's a client of theirs and Mr. Darcy's co-workers' kids go there too- "it's like the Catholic Mafia or something. Everytime you try to get out- they pull you back in." Anyway our Catholic school at home doesn't go past 8th grade and our public schools are REALLY good it ends up that all the insanely spoiled rich pampered deviants were also in the youth group mafia and at times we were all lumped together sometimes not cool kids [read: me] got to do cool kid things. AND it was run by the grade above so not only did I get to hang out with cool kids but OLDER COOL KIDS. AAAAAAAAND on another night the older boys told us ghost stories and scared the shit out of me in particular. EEEE! That trip was as close as my life ever came to Saved by the Bell. And it still kind of sucked. Notable crap parts was the discussion of Joan Osbourne's "What if God were one of us" and candlelight vigils. Candlelight ceremonies are a little too cult for me.

I vaguely remember telling that to my vice-principal in high school at the Honor Society ceremony.


LASTLY: who wants a new website of really expensive vaguely crafty housewares to look at? http://www.hableconstruction.com/shop/

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

I'm taking a cue from The Future Mrs. Darcy and beginning a moratorium on libations for a while, which I sure will end abruptly at Margeaux's open bar. I've been in a bit of a funk lately and but I think it's nothing that a little positive thinking won't cure. My goal is not to swear off alcohol entirely for like the rest of my life...I'm not crazy or a puritan or anything I just need sometime free of depressants so that I work through some anger issues that apparently I've directed inward.

I just needed to put words to this. As if all the words spent of like, oh everyone I've communicated with since yesterday, wasn't cathartic enough. Everybody knows my business, because all this crap is just spewing forth and I can't stop. It's insane really. But I suppose this is the venue for that kind of self-indulgence.

Lighter Notes:
I saw "The Holiday" last night and wanted to barf at Cameron Diaz's horrible over-acting & the cheerful end o'movie dance off so characteristic of romantic comedies starring Brits.

Tonight watched "Jarhead" and wanted to barf at the lack of oh, I don't know character development and the excess of sentimentality. I'm beginning to think that Jake Gyllenhall might be gay in real life. Anyone agree?

Please somebody give me a good movie recommendation. Thanks TFMD, I got the Teen Witch rec.

Picked up a bottle of drug-store haircolor (my same color only brighter) and promptly put it back on the shelf. Decisions still being mulled over.

Lata Gators,

P.S. May I ask where everyone is lately?

P.P.S. Any advice as to handle the first email from Canada in months. Her tone was sickly sweet. I'm sure she is going to want me to visit her new crib after relocating to upstate NY in the fall. Conveniently enough around the time of TFMD wedding.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

I'm patiently waiting to hear about the shower / bachelorette blow-out!

In the meantime I'll tell you about the Reach Arounds debut:
I got drunk to help with the nerves.
Slightly forgot my lyrics, but in my drunken recollection, covered nicely.
I told Mrs. Belding that I didn't like her highlights. Now I feel bad.
Rhett, ever the suave debonnarie, was "sick with drink."
Sunday morning we clocked some serious self-loathing.

Considering NEVER EVER having another drink again.


Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Just Say....NO!

Walked in my house this morning from an impromptu sleep-over at the Belding's for reasons to be explained and this is what I found:

One fat and happy cat, on back, paws curled in the air, next to an empty bag of cheesey poofs after what appears to have been a very entertaining evening!

Said cat spent the night getting high on the noxious fumes eminated from the oil based paint used to paint my bedroom. I tried to keep the cat as far away from the fumes, but he is wiley and wanted to get himself stoned. Rhett and myself could no longer take the fumes and decided to crash at the Beldings.

Billy the Cat appears to have no lasting damage from his night of huffing. Will continue to monitor his vitals.

In other news, I have been working for everyone and their brother so I've had little time to do things and finish things as promised, like learn my lyrics for Saturday's concert, clean my house, do my laundry, blog, check my emaill, converse with friends, grocery shop. Going insane! I sooooo want to quit my retail job, but there are 8 dining chairs that will eventually go on sale that I want to buy and my employee discount would say me a bunch o'money so I'll continue over-extending myself until further notice.

Oh and I wanted to let you all know that you can watch the first two episodes of The Tudors at your computer. The first two are free....hey, does Billy the cat work at Showtime?


I am [not] stupid.

It's 6:30 a.m. I'm showered and dressed and slightly hung over from Taco Tuesday with Clem and ridiculously tired. I have 40 hours of sick time, about 35 of vacation time and one personal day for a job that I'm quitting in September. I should call in sick. All signs point to calling in sick. Sleeping in. Getting stuff done around the house. There's no yoga to miss today. BUT I'm going to be late tomorrow anyway because I'm picking up Mr. Darcy at the airport at a crazy early time tomorrow. And I don't want to take the entire day off tomorrow because of after work yoga. So REALLY today should be the day I take off. Yet. Not picking up the phone. Not calling in sick. Why? No idea. Can't be because I'm such a stellar employee because I'll probably spend most of the day talking to the readers of this here blog online. Not like I have any work to do. Shit shit shit. I want to. But... I don't know what the "but" is but again- still not picking up the phone. Ok I think I'm going to do it. AHH. Freaking out. Changing mind. Realize what Mr. Darcy has been saying about slight inability to make decisions. OK. I'm going to do it. I have totally convinced myself. Ahhh. I did it!!!

AHHHHH! Craziest thing ever. I'm going back to bed.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Just a short posting before I go to bed.

My coworkers and I play a "game" at work called Where am I happy I don't work today? In the past the list has included the Dept. of Justice and Menu Foods. Today, Virginia Tech was added to the list. Sitting here tonight watching Massacre at Virginia Tech on NBC, my heart breaks and my eyes well up with tears. Working on a college campus, and having a fiance who is in class all day, today's events have freaked me out. I don't blame the security or administration at VT for what happened. I don't like that the media makes them look like they are partially to blame. I have no idea how my university would have notified me of something like this when I was in school and I think that under the circumstances, the rescue personal, campus police/security and university administration handled the situation the very best they could. Still, my heart breaks for every single student on that campus. My coworkers' son goes to school there and I saw the fear in her eyes today - and we knew her son was ok. Imagine the fear for the parents who couldn't get a hold of their children or worse yet, those who lost their son or daughter today. The full scope of today's events is overwhelming. I hope you will all keep the families of the students at Virginia Tech, and the students themselves, in your prayers.

Good night,

Happy Effing Tax Day People!
For 15 minutes this morning I realized my bank account was larger than it will ever be again, that was until the direct tax payment to "the man" went through.

Lots of things to cover so let's get to it, shall we?

1.) Currently without a breakfast obsession. I thought the generic Vanilla Creme Shredded Mini-wheats was gonna inspire a new great obsession...Oh how wrong I was! It smells like fake vanilla and nothing offends my sensibilies more than fake vanilla.

2.) Since the world of retail is not as G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS as sung by Fergie or portrayed by David Spade and the late Chris Farley, it's not all fluffing and folding you know...and since this world is slowing driving me insane I have devised a system to rate my day. I will assign yesterday 3 eye rolls!

The first eye roll came when Michael Scott on Steroids (aka my creepy boss) worked one hour of his 8 hour shift, claiming ill. He is ill every Sunday...so ill in fact that he can't finish his shift.

The second eye roll came when I found that Michael Scott on Steroids left a print out of a fowarded joke by the employee fridge. The joke went lamely like this:

A Baptist church in South Carolina had an especially big busted organist. Her breasts were the source of much scandal, especially for the old ladies in the church. These ladies approached the organist and suggested that she use ground persimmons applied directly to the breasts to minimize their size. This suggestion was followed with a warning to not eat any of the persimmons or it would pucker up one's face making speaking properly impossible. The following Sunday the preacher stood at the pulpit and said, "Unforthunately, due to thircumthanes bewond my conthrol, we thall not have a thermon thith mowning."

Third eye roll came when Michael Scott on Steroids called late in the afternoon from the comfort of his home to ask how sales were, (as if he cares) I suspect these calls are made to make him feel important & / or needed, which niether apply. Anyway he was making small talk with me since I answered the phone. Our conversation ended with him making unnecessary commentary on my husband's position of telecommuting. He brought it up not me.

MSOS: So you have tomorrow off?
Me: Yes, I'm off from both of my jobs.
MSOS: Yeah, I thought Monday was your "husband" day.
Me: Umm...well Monday is a work day for my husband.
MSOS: Man! Working from home must be weird. I guess you have to have a lot of discipline or you'd goof off all day.
Me: My husband has a lot of responsibilities and rather enjoys his job so....
MSOS: Yeah, but if I worked from home I wouldn't get anything done.
Me: Well I guess it's good that it falls to his shoulders and not yours.

It drives me insane that this man, who has spent less than 30 seconds of time with Rhett, feels comfortable making conversation so easily about him. MSOS knows the following facts:
Rhett works from home for a website.
Rhett uses a computer to communicate with his work.

From these facts he has made the following generalizations:

- Rhett should start listening to this talk radio show which discusses conspiracy theories about the gov't, aliens and how the gov't conspires to hide aliens.
(MSOS has derived that all people who work with computers must be socially inept like the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons and have fascinations with conspiracy theories - despite the fact that I told him nothing would irritate Rhett more than listening to a bunch of psuedo-scientists talking crap!)

- Rhett must be a lot like MSOS. They seem to be a lot alike.
(No, in fact Rhett is nothing like MSOS. MSOS would know that if my husband spent any significant amount of time with him, which he never will because Rhett thinks MSOS is a tool with a capital "T" - which he is, of the worst kind)
3.) I'm seriously considering dying my hair dark brown a la Ashlee Simspon. I'm taking a poll as to who thinks this is a good idea or a bad idea.

4.) The Reach Arounds have practiced and decided on a set list for the house concert this weekend. These songs were chosen from the short list that a) the Town Cryer knows how to play b) are in my vocal range and c) I know the words. We will play:

Time After Time a la Cyndi Lauper

Oh My Sweet Carolina a la Ryan Adams

The Blower's Daughter a la Damien Rice

I Will Remember You a la Sarah McLaughlin

- Scarlett

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Up to now.

What I have done since dropping Mr. Darcy off at the airport for his conference. Considered going to Tyson's but decided instead to Georgetown mostly due to the lure of Paper Source. Walk all around Georgetown try on dresses at Zara. Ew- bad idea. Swing dresses are not for me. No other suitable dresses are found much to my dismay. Return home in search of food. Oooh I'll just watch that America's Next Top Model that I taped before I left. Just for something to do while I decide what to eat. Oh it's a marathon? Well it's silly but I'll just watch another. Hmm i feel like ice cream. Ugh only a half scoop left? I'll throw in the last of the Reese Pieces Butter Cup single from Halloween. Mmmmm. Goddamn these girls are stupid as fuck. They don't know the word "magenta" much less "Hermes" has a silent H?!?!? Come on. I totally need to stop watching this. Oh crap. Phone call from friend who's website I didn't finish up on friday. Whoops. Let that one go to voicemail. Try vainly to fix it only to realize I need programs at work. Oooh all of the invitation things I was looking at before are up on my computer. WOW Janice Dickenson is crazy. I consider starting my invitations. Finding a new sewing project. Planning an elaborate dinner. Finishing up that sweater I started forever ago. Cleaning and organizing the apartment. Ok i totally need to stop watching ANTM this is crazy. Wow they're going to South Africa and dressing up like animals. Awesome! Keeyna really is eating a lot. Hmm consider bulimia. Requires too much effort. Damn you ice cream! Start participating in the competitions. Still can't believe these girl cannot seem to talk. My 15 year old sister could perform better under pressure and sound more intelligent. Get angry b/c I know Naima wins in the end and I reallllly prefer Kahlen though I assume it's just b/c she is totally Carmen Cass. I HAVE GOT TO LEAVE. Turn off tv in a fit and run out of the apartment. Realize how hard it is to "pop your back" while driving but try for Ciara. End up in the second Anthropologie of the day and try on another horrible dress where I end up looking like a mild maid someone stole to be a virgin sacrifice. Ugh. Go to little store and get provisions. Come back to the apartment careful not to let the cable box go on lest the ANTM drag me in again. Each copious bruschetta and watch Bend it Like Beckham that's been floating around my backpack for the last month and a half. Awesome. This is totally what I need since Stick It sucked a couple of months ago. And i will second Scarlett's "I totally need to find a way to watch the Tutors". And is it just me or does Jonathan Rhys Meyers look stoned ALL THE TIME!? Open your eyes boy! Thank god ANTM is no on anymore. Oooh Princess Diaries! Feel slightly awkward drinking while watching the Disney Channel even though it is only Miller Lite. And why isn't she in a fairytale!? What the hell is happening. This is not the movie I thought. Oooh Julie Andrews is great though but Law and Order is calling. Yay! Mr. Darcy is safe in Cali!! Oh I'm sleepy. It's only 11 on a saturday but... who's cares!? Woo-hoo bedtime!!! Wake up in the middle of the night. Don't look at the clock don't look at the clock... shit. 2:54 am. Greeeaaaat. The exact time the girl wakes up in Exorcism of Emily Rose. Turn on lights. Put on glasses. Not as scared as in the past. Ok. Game plan: sleep with glasses on and lights on. Wake up every a couple of minutes at every little sound. It's raining hard outside. There are lots of little sounds. Yada yada yada. Read a little. Yada yada yada. Finally fall back asleep around 5. Wake up around 12:30 when Mr. Darcy calls before his conference starts. Hooray! Still raining. Consider cleaning. Consider making elaborate food. Write on computer for hour. Nearly passing out due to hunger. Rye bread in the other room calls.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

GoodSearch: You Search...We Give!

Use it! Donate to the Preeclampsia Foundation! Feel good!


Saturday, April 07, 2007

Oh! Gosh, I'm sorry to leave you all hanging on the quiz front. Here are the answers:

1.) Let's say I could pick any job on the planet and lead singer of the coolest band ever was taken, so was photographer and movie critic, which would I choose?

a) namer of nail polish / cosmetics / paint colors
b) sales associate at an over-price merchant of housewares
c) dog groomer
d) professional video gamer
Answer: Of course, we all know a) namer of nail polish / cosmetics / paint colors

2.) I'm stuck in an elevator. What am I likely to do?

a) play Sudoku
b) hyperventilate
c) sing every song in the Burt Bacharach catolog until rescued b/c elevators have good acoustics
d) bite my nails
Answer: This was sorta a trick question. I will except any answer. Note: I've never ACTUALLY played Sudoku, but feel, like puzzles, it would be good exercise for the other side of my brain rarely used. If stuck in an elevator and a puzzle were presented to me I'd probably think that was as good of time as any.

3.) What kind of car do I drive?

a) Red Nissan Sentra
b) Red Mazada 626
c) Red Toyota Corolla
d) Red Mitsubishi Eclipse
Answer: d) Red Misubishi Eclipse

4.) Which band did I not see in D.C. at the 9:30 Club?

a) Tegan & Sarah
b) The Bravery
c) that band (Zox) with the drummer that The Future Mrs. Darcy went to high school with
d) The White Stripes
Answer: d) The White Stripes because we saw them at Meriweather Pavilion

5.) What white wine will you never see me drink?

a) Chardonnay
b) White Zinfendel
c) Pinot Grigio
d) Chenin Blanc

Part II) And why?
Answer: b) White Zinendel b/c "friends don't let friend drink white zin"

6.) Who is my favorite female jazz singer?

a) Ella Fitzgerald
b) Nina Simone
c) Nancy Wilson
d) Billie Holiday
Answer: b) Nina Simone

7.) Where did Rhett and I marry?

a) a winery
b) a hotel
c) an art gallery
d) a garden
Answer: c) an art gallery

8.) Besides my Cheer Bear & Jem Halloween costumes, which character did I fittingly protray?

a) Velma from Scooby Doo
b) Veronica from Archie
c) Ms. Piggy
d) Smurfette
Answer: a) Velma from Scooby Doo

9.) What is my favorite Cal Tort menu item?

a) Thai Chicken Burrito
b) Chicken Cesar Burrito
c) Steak Quesadilla
d) BBQ Ranch Burrito
Answer: c) Steak Quesadilla
Other acceptable answer: anything covered in their cheese sauce

10.) What would I rather do on a Friday night (besides get drunker by myself and blog)?

a) Bougie bar a la Zola in the District with wine and cocktails then off to the theatre (pronounced THE-AH-TAH)
b) Watch crime drama on tv
c) Clean my house
d) Paint my toenails
Answer: a) Bougie bar DEFINITELY

Extra Bonus Points: Name the best effing rock experience of my entire freaking life.

Answer: Another trick question b/c I lead you all to believe it was the Scissor Sisters due to my sexually confused crush on Jake Shears. The real answer is The White Stripes as clearly stated on my MySpace slide show.

Extra Extra Bonus Points: What neighborhood did I live in during my STL years?

Answer: The Central West End or affectionately abbreviated as CWE

Extra Extra Extra Bonus Points: What 90's television series with a lead actress of whom I have been told I resemble have I checked out from the library recently?

Answer: My So-Called Life
I have realized that life is imitating art because Jordan Catalano was in a band called the Frozen Embryos which lost it's lead singer so Rayanne filled in, but choked, then Jordan had to finish the classic punk song by The Ramones "I wanna be sedated." Now Jared Leto is in a band called 30 Seconds to Mars and wears guyliner and we really don't need to readdress that debate. Let's move on please!

Extra Extra Extra Bonus Points: Who is my favorite movie critic?

Answer: Richard Roeper
NOT EBERT! Ebert is a dumb-ass.

The Future Mrs. Darcy - 90% + 1/2 pt partial credit for knowing the Claire Danes reference. You would have gotten 1 pt if you'd have named the show!

Total - 95% Muy Excellente!

Margeaux - 90% + 1/2 pt partial credit for getting the West End part of the Central West End. 1 pt for My So-Called Life

Total - 105% Sheer Awesomeness!


Friday, April 06, 2007

hey scarlett- when do we get our quiz answers?!

Hola. I thought I'd give Scarlett a break from entertaining us all. For those of you who didn't get my frantic messages (not to be confused with the following drunken raving messages) on... Wednesday (?) I got called out by a co-worker for doing other work at work. And I won't get into it but you know the feeling you just got that your stomach dropped out from underneath you when you read that- it was about 20 million times worse. I shook for about 5 hours after I got his email. And then I strung some appropriate adult blah blah blah together and everything is all better at work except for the fact that I am now a paranoid delusional conspiracy theorist at work.

As I told Clem yesterday I am considering registering for bugging/general surveillance equipment and I would be in tinfoil hat except Mr. Darcy would never let me use his precious non stick foil for that.

So yeah. My week kind of sucked. And the sad thing is up until that very moment when I got the email my week was going kind of well. I had just made some progress on the ole invites and yelled at ex-job at bit. All and all good.

Let me also note on my own behalf that I have never been late on a project (have actually been told how project managers liked working me b/c I was able to get things done fast) and according to our tracking software I have still logged the most hours of anyone in our department.

Today I'm lucky enough to be leaving at 3:30 due to some over working yesterday b/c yoga is at 5 which is AWESOME b/c today my boss and one co-worker is out leaving me with the caller-outer and my gossipy namesake who I think he talked it over with at length and one other co-worker.

SO now that I have enough work to last me through... Oh half the day I'm going to work on setting up Google Reader. It's basically an RSS feed / reader whatever they call it so you plug in all of the websites you go to and whenever something is updated it comes to you in a list like an email. So instead of being obvious and going to a million websites- they come to you in a happy gmail looking window.

Well that's it for me. Bleh I don't even have a pithy comment to end on.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Last night Rhett and I painted the kitchen "woolen vest" which is a greyish olive green, a much more sophisticated hue than the Easter egg pastel green that sat on my walls for the past 6 months. A second coat is needed and we're out of paint. I never buy enough. So, since additional work is required in the kitchen I set up my computer and desk in the crack den chic dining room. It looks like another week before we can paint the second coat.

WTF? It's 40 Effing Degrees Today!

I now must ponder what to wear to work under such winter-like circumstances. After work I have to go to a pre-baptism thing for Liam the baby pirate. I know!!!! I'll wear the UBER-cute trench coat from H&M, but prolly not the adorable and vedy vedy British newsboy hat since you're prolly not supposed to wear hats in church. God! I'm boring myself....when did this blog become a purge of all things domestic.

Hopefully this evenings Mid-Week Drinking Club gathering will produce more hilarity and I can spare you all the play by play of paint drying.

Peace Out,

Monday, April 02, 2007

Bad News!! No Tator Day for me. I forgot that I scheduled the pest control guy to come spray for my emotional security....there's always next year. I find myself anticipating an hour and a half locked out of my house while the highly toxic odors dissipate.

Should be fun outside with a screaming Billy in kitty jail. Pissed off cats should be avoided at all costs!


Sunday, April 01, 2007

As part of my initiation into Dirrty Southern culture, my retail co-workers plan to take me to a a 'lil thing on Monday called:

Tator Day

Tator day is some sort of festival...of sorts...I'm unclear as to the premise of said festival. I'm using my context clues to extrapalate that this festival has something to do with potatoes. I've been promised a showing of course manners by people who may or may not be able identify the Mason-Dixon line on a map, but they fo' sho' know that they live below it. There is a parade of tractors and other assorted farm equipment. Maybe I'll get to pet the blue ribbon pig!!

I'm approaching this day as an anthropological study of people who think Jeff Foxworthy is funny and keep "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" on the air. I'm also trying not to be a total snob about the whole thing. I should also make it clear that this festival is hosted by a neighboring county not the one in which I reside (as if that makes it any better?)

My co-workers are also approaching this an an anthropological study of how an urbanite like me handles Lynard Skynard blaring from pick up trucks waving the rebel flag. OMG!!!! What have I agreed to????? In their defense, they say that they wouldn't be caught dead there if it weren't for this little experiment.

I promise a full report of all fashion faux pas (including but not limited to):

daisy dukes paired with high heels
Def Leppard concert tees
mullets of all shapes and sizes
jail tats
assorted bra issues, including the lack of
"I'm with stupid" tees


P.S. Quiz answers to be posted....