I bring you- The Darcy's 3rd Place Oscar Trophy that they made for themselves several hours before the Oscars.

The Furture Ms. Darcy's Oscar picks have been received. Good Luck!

-Scarlett

P.S. Still awaiting the non-participatory members' of 3:00 candy ballots. Only a few more hours.

Godparentage: my promises to lil Liam the pirate baby
Current mood: Honored

I promise to be the world's best godparent to Liam, toward that end I will do the following:

1.) Celebrate every single birthday (that we happen to share) with the enthusiam that only those born on International Talk Like A Pirate Day can muster. Yes, I mean eye patch and parrots!

2.) I will take you to your first all ages show. I remember mine, it was Juliana Hatfield at Mississippi Nights back in the day.

3.) I will help you organize the perfect mix tape for every crush you ever have.

4.) I will let you win at board games.

5.) I will defend you when you want to express yourself through your hair color, cut or clothes, but not tatoos or wierd piercings. Trust me, you can get all the tatoos you want when you become a famous artist, rock star or basketball player, but NOT a moment sooner.

This I promise,
Aunt Katie Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler

I too have been remiss in my posting but in my defense my Chair position keeps me busy as well not to mention real work and other work that I do a real work... yikes.

ok
so things i've been meaning to discuss but only blogged about them in my head which apparently doesn't give out an RSS feed. aww super cool dork i am.

ok.

1) how i think people who work on holidays that are deemed holidays by their place of employment are ruining benefits for the rest of us and generally douche bags.

1b) the event on the metro which lead me to almost shout "but then it would smell like bum urine douche bag" [common thread- use of the term "douchebag"]

2) how i need to gather my $5 in change to send to the Butler household ASAP

3) the events that led up to Mr. Darcy throwing my super wedding binder at me and taking a chunk out of the side of my face which proves that head wound really do bleed unnecessarily.

4) why watching veronica mars at work is a good idea but watching grey's anatomy is not because there is really no way you can logically explain crying hysterically at your desk in the realm of working.

5) movies that i want to see sooooooooooooooo badlllllllyyyyyyyy: (in no order) Reno 911, 300, ... umm I thought there were more. Ok in that case I will put them in order: 300 then Reno 911 although they are coming out in the opposite order. I've been wanting to see 300 since I first saw the preview on apple in like december and have read about it and the history behind it and seen clips on how it was made and -- AHHHHH cannot wait.

And that's about all i can write right now-- couch is calling. Unable to keep myself at computer any longer.....................

The following is an excerpt from my MySpace blog as requested by Popodop. The names have been changed to protect the innocent:

Two Completely Unrelated Things I've Been Meaning To Mention
Current mood: Despite my rantings I'm in a fine mood!

1.) Today during both of my trips to Starbucks I noticed that Lily Allen's cd is being sold in Starbucks. Good for her, I hope more people listen to her music, but it bothers me b/c it reduces my cool "first one in the know" factor. As TFMD can attest to, anyone you've recently heard of, yeah, I've been listening to for like 10 years! This has been officially recognized with a sign by the marketing department of my former employer during an impromptu awards ceremony aka "it's 3:00 and me, TFMD, Popodop, Margeaux and Clem are bored so we made up awards to give each other" There was the "Best Drunk Dial Award," "I'll Just Have One Award" "Most Improved Touching" and countless others. Ha Ha, I miss goofing around the office with you girls.

2.) I love movies. I also love Ebert & Roeper and I'm only slightly ashamed to admit that I'm kinda crushin' on Roeper in that "smart, well read, English professor with wire rim glasses and nice sport coat who has a sardonic sense of humor" way. Rhett already knows so don't get all like "ooh I'm on telling" on me.

Anyway, I digress. Ebert is battling cancer and I'm wishing him a quick recovery so that the guest co-hosts can stop, namely, Kevin Smith, who has filled in for Ebert twice.

Hey, I got a question for everyone: What does Kevin Smith, Bob "Effing" Geldoff and Dakota Fanning have in common? Give up? They all irritate the bejesus out of me.

Kevin Smith spoils the ending of films while he reviews them in a self-righteous way that only he can do. Such a pompous ass, he had to reference a 1984 B-movie to pan "Breach" which every other critic seems to love. What the hell does he know about films? Oh, that's right...he made that crap "Clerks" but oh wait, it was filmed in black and white so that provided some much needed irony. Go back to film school and while your at it, buy a new shirt.

Remember everyone you all still have time to get your Oscar ballots emailed to me. $5 buy in for the pot. Winner takes all.

Happy Oscar Season & Good Luck,
Scarlett

I'm sorry that I've been so out of the loop lately. I hope to get both of my jobs on some set schedule so that I can have some days off. I swear I work more hours that one full-time job.

Today Mrs. Belding and I made "Schwag Bags" for the Oscar Party!!!!! Yay! They are awesome! I'll be giving a music cd to everyone and maybe some candy if I have enough. Yay! I'm so crafty now that I've spent a fortune on scrapbooking supplies. Okay, I've really got to go and finish up these bags and finish ironing my curtains and really the list goes on. Ugh....I'm just tired, but I wouldn't be me if I didn't over extend myself, now would I?

Later,
Scarlett

I'm celebrating 3 o'clock candy with a slide show on my MySpace page. If you all have any objections let me know.

-Scarlett

It's always sunny in Philadelphia..or is it?


Well...so Petra and I left for Philly around 8:30am on Saturday. The plan was to go up there to meet the younger brother for the Gtown/Nova game at noon. It was a hell of game. Even I was cheering towards the end. Thank god Georgetown won!

So after the game, we needed to see where D, younger brother, was in his recovery. So a group of us (D's 4 friends, Petra's old roomy, her bf) head back to his hood. We started the night with a few drinks at his house before moving to a local bar/restaurant. We needed to kill some time before our 8:30 hibatchi reservations.

Fast forward.....we get to the Hibatchi place right around 8:30 with a nice buzz. We tell the hostess we are there and wait, yup still waiting, waiting some more. Time check 9pm. Ok..good the table has the check so we expect to sit down in the next 5 mins. Well 5mins has now turned into 30mins. So one of D's friend, who happens to be the smallest of them, decided to give a standing ovation to the table after the guy got up.

This didn't go over well. So the 50-ish yr old man gets in the friend's face, and they exchange words. I just hear the friend say "What....are you gonna hit a kid?" Oh god- the whole restaraunt is now staring at us. We are so "those'' people. Mind you this guy still has to pass the other 3 hoodlums and my brother. The other friend apparently says very calmly "Son, I'll take you outside and smack you around" And now comes this man's wife. It happened to be her birthday, and so one of the hoodlums asked her how many candles she had to blow out. This was not well received.

Petra and I are just standing there, not really sure what to do...we try to make the kids stop but they have all been drinking, and frankily I am little scared of them. Luckily no fight broke out and we by 9:30 we are seated. And to our surprise we are still served alcohol. Nice.

The rest of the evening was pretty calm. The good news is that when we got back to the house D threw me over his shoulder like good times. He is just about back to normal. All in all it was a good time.

Hopefully everyone had a fight-free (and hopefully long) weekend!!

Clem

Well I was glad I got to speak to 3/5 of the 3 o'clock candy contributors this weekend, even if they were drunk dials!

After a lecture from, of all people, Popodop about a lack of participation in recent weeks I thought I'd better log on and update you all on my exciting life of part-time retail and reception.

Huh, let's see. I got it in my head that I need to scrapbook to preserve all my Sophie cards and pictures, so I went to Hobby Lobby and bought all these scrapbooking materials. I pulled all my stuff out and I wanted to create just ONE specific page for this particular card. I completely froze creatively. I have since asked for Mrs. Belding's artistic assistance. You should know that although I have had a "thing" for art supplies since childhood they always remain under used. I just love the potential of a pack of pretty paper or pens or watercolors. I am also seeking the professional framing of Sophie's little plaster of paris finger prints.

The Oscar Party is quickly approaching and I have a ton of things to do in preparation. Namely decide on a menu. Here is what I got so far: popcorn, soft pretzels w/ some kind of cheese dip homemade cheese crisps and hot dogs. Any suggestions comments? I also still have to wash, iron and hem my kitchen curtains and sticky roll my couch to remove all signs of pets. I'm gonna go to the fabric store and see about buying some "red carpet". Since I have lost my digital camera somewhere in this stupid house, I guess I also need to buy a disposable camera to play papparrazzi. Oh wait, I got a camera in my kitchen I'll just use my Mac.

Oh and I expect full participation from you all! Email me your completed ballots. ASAP!!!

That's all I got
-Scarlett

Almost as soon as I posted my last blog about Kitchen Aids, I was drunk dialed by our friendly Future Mrs. Darcy and since it's really hard for me to type as I am drunk on plum wine I'll just say.....HA ha ha ha gha ha aha ah ahah hah aha hah aha ha ha ha! She so crazy! Go Oscars! I'MMMMM gonna kick ass this year.

-Scarlett O'hara hamilton kenndedy butler

In unrelated news - my beautiful KitchenAid stand mixer arrived yesterday! It is apparently a bridal shower gift but did not arrive in a box or with a card. I assume I will find out the mystery person who purchased this wonderful gift when I head to WI for a bridal shower on March 3. For now, it shall remain in its box, unopened and unused until after the shower.

I am SO excited to have my mixer. ME told me that I don't need it and didn't want me to register for it so you can imagine how thrilled I am to be able to gloat that not only is it an essential part of my kitchen, but that someone else apparently thought so to and purchased it for me.

That said, payback is a bitch. ME has begun registering for Leogs. This is not going to be good.

WARNING: POSSIBLE GREY'S SPOILER

I am watching seasons 1 and 3 of Grey's simultaneously. I record season 1 on Lifetime on Sunday nights and I watch season 3 as it airs on Thursdays. I have missed a portion of season 3 due to a shitty DVR and the fact that Cox sucks - but I've already written about that.

I just watched tonight's episode of Grey's and have the following to say:

Meredith, oh Meredith! Please don't die on me! I have come to love your neurocies as much as I love Clem's. I hate to see McDreamy, aka Ronnie Miller, cry. What will become of the show, named after you, if you die? Please oh please producers of Grey's Anatomy, don't let Meredith die on me now. I beg of you - I have come to love your show and I promise if you let Meredith live, I'll never say that I couldn't watch you because it was passed my bedtime. I have a DVR now so I really have no excuse. If you let Meredith die I believe that (to quote TFMD), the terrorists would win. This is all just too much for me. I will be on the edge of my seat biting my nails until next Thursday at 9pm.

Praying for Meredith - Margeaux

Reuben - You up for scuba?

(Name the movie)

So Snuff and I are taking Scuba lessons this weekend and I am so stoked. I have wanted to do this for some time and with our upcoming trip to Jamaica, I couldn't let it go by. My little internal clock is saying, um yeah there aren't too many opportunities to have a three day weekend and then a trip like this planned. So off we go. (Oh and PS I might just buy a shorty wet suit because if I do say so myself, I look smoking hot! I will take pictures and you can judge for yourselves. Stayed tuned for that.) It's too bad that two of you are having to save for your wedding and one of you is not here and one of you, well I am not sure what Clementine's excuse is, but we'll let her slide since no one else is doing it with us. Nevertheless, wish us luck! And I'd like to thank my dearest husband for trying this with me. I know you have limited experience in the water and for a fish like me it's hard to understand any sort of fear or anxiety, so my fins off to you and your courage! Round of applause everyone! Click here

In other news, I bought Proactive. Not because I have skin issues per se, but I thought it would be good for the occasional unsightly. Well I think it is a little shock to the system. And by system I mean a face that has used nothing but moisturizer for the last 29 years. It burned and then dried me out a little and I think may have been a factor in last Saturday's "incident". The "incident" to which I refer happened when I awoke Saturday morning at the Hilton in Baltimore after a night of partying with a rather dry face. I had left my bag in the car, so I got some of the hotel lotion. (Now some of you might be gasping in disapproval as my sister did for even considering using such harshness on my face, but I always do.) So I put the aforementioned lotion on and then this amazing hot sensation began to spread around the eye and cheek areas. we ordered room service and my face felt even more dry. So - duh more lotion. Well I finally got up and checked the mirror. I was red and swelling and looked about 15 years older because the wrinkles around my eyes decided not to puff up with the rest of my skin, so they were WELL defined. I am back to normal now, but I might think twice about using Hilton lotion again. Naywho, the moral of the proactive story is that I have started using it on my upper arms. Not because I get spots there, but it's rough, so I figured hey why not? Will keep you updated.

Who's Up For A Cold Shower?

So, as ME finished up his shower on Friday, he commented that "ooh, there goes the hot water" as his shower slowly got colder. What we did not know was that the hot water was apparently escaping out a leak somewhere under ground and that it would not return for days. The past few days - 3 to be exact - we have had water that is just warm enough to be bearable (barely luke warm) but just cold enough to make you use 2 in 1 shampoo, make you consider skipping shaving your armpits (don't worry, I still did but there might be some razer burn), not even try to shave your legs and just plain hurry through your shower.

I called the condo office today to inform them that we had no hot water. I was a bit taken aback when the women responded "yeah, we know." How long had they known?? She is the one who told me about the leak and that they were TRYING to get people out here to fix it. She did tell me it might not be back by tomorrow but I thought ok, as long as it's still barely luke warm I can suck it up and deal with it. What she didn't tell me was that I could kiss my luke warm showers goodbye.

I returned home this evening to a notice on the front door of the building saying that there is a leak and they are having difficulty finding it and therefore fixing it. They are trying to get people here to fix it (as already stated) but that due to the pending ice and snow, it may still take several days. What they failed to mentikon on the notice on the door was that due to the leak, they have now completely turned off the hot water. I am not even kidding when I say all I have is ice cold water. It is currently 34 degrees outside and I don't think my water is much warmer.

I sat in my apartment for a few minutes wondering what to do. First I called ME and bitched. He wasn't very sympathetic - perhaps b/c he doesn't always shower every day. Then I called my mom and bitched. She was more sympathetic and offered to let us stay at her place which I appreciate but I don't want to deal with traffic from Reston in the morning. Then I had my "aha!" moment. I called Popodop. She only lives 2 miles away. I can easily get up and work out in the morning and then go to her apartment and shower. She does have two full bathrooms after all and can't possibly need both! Genius! She said sure. She even had an "aha!" moment and now we are supposed to work out in the morning together and then she will be gracious enough to allow me use of her shower until our hot water is restored.

One problem at the moment. Popodop's phone is turned off. What if she doesn't answer in the morning? Then I'll have woken up at 6:00, driven to her place, not worked out AND not showered. Not a good way to start a day. So, Popodop, if you are reading this before you go to bed, please turn your phone back on.

Enjoy your warm showers guys and gals. They are not to be taken for granted.

Brrrrr.....Margeaux

So, how funny that you went to Brickskellar, because Rhett was there on Friday night. He was in town for the Annual Meeting of which my invite was over looked and I am now too cheap to pay for a plane ticket for less than 3 days. I had to drive him to Nashville on Thursday and then turn around an pick him up from Nashville on Saturday. He had a guys night on Thursday which involved too much liquor at Joe Theismans and I'm sure the only reason TFMD wasn't invited for an impromptu gathering in Old Town after work was b/c Rhett had only the night before bought a "pay as you go" cell phone and hadn't programmed it with your number. Yes, the man who argued for years about the necessity of a cell had to cave and get his own. I couldn't be without mine seeing as how I had a two hour drive through the most unpopulated but highly fertilized land in Western KY.

Saturday night we attended a b-day party at the neighbors, as you can all see from my MySpace pics. It was fun, but I distinctly remember reminiscing about high school with a room full of people, like that time I had a breast reduction because I couldn't fit into any homecoming dresses. Like that is info that anyone NEEDS to know.

I don't have much else on the news front...I've just been working my little jobs and watching Netflix. Oh, I guess the only other interesting thing to say is that our friends that you met at the shower...the wife landed a sweet job in Tokyo so they are moving to Japan in about 6 months. Our plan is to save every penny we come across and go visit sometime in 2008 - Maybe for my 30th b-day. I had to remind Rhett of the improbability of his running into Scarlett Johanson in Japan.

-Scarlett

Soooo OJ and La Sicilian came down for a visit this weekend which was a lot of fun. We saw pandas and monuments and had beer and 5 guys and beer AT 5 guys and horseradish dip and more beer and pancakes and all was well.

But our big night out plans did not QUITE go as I had imagined. This show how I do my drinking directly after work and am not aware of many of the "issues" involved with going out at 10 on a Saturday night. Our first stop was Brickskeller where I wanted Chocolate Stout. Unfortunately you are not allowed to congregate around the bar and need a table WHICH they had a half an hour waiting list for. SO. No problem we'll head off to stop #2 and check that out. Back through dupont circle to 18th street lounge which, as you know, has no sign outside which makes you super cool for knowing about it. Apparently super cool cost 10 bucks to get in. Ummm no. So I gander across the street- OH. Lucky bar. I went there once- didn't seem to bad. Let it be known that I went there at like 11 am. There is a difference between a bar at 11 am and 11 pm. Hm- who knew? So we go in- no cover no line- FABULOUS. We get some drinks- it's not overbearingly crowded- get a wee two person table we cram the three of us into- AMAZING!

I need to stop myself now and go get some calming tea because when I tell this story I get so angry I start to stutter. Hold please.

Ok. I've made a diagram to help explain.



Soo somehow worse than eating your own poo but not so bad as being torn apart by Harpies. [side note: I recommend looking up Dante's rings of hell on wikipedia it's interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Divine_Comedy] Anyway we start with Asshole #1. Asshole #1 could also be called Big Gay Al. He was big and gay and dancing how I could only assume David Hasslehoff would. Lots of ass gyration. Unfortunately for everyone involved the ass gyration was happening a mere 2 inches from La Sicilians head. I was ready to let it go- she was not. And moved him. So he turns around and is half sincerely like "I'm sorry" THEN seeing annoyance on all of our faces touches each of us and comes in for a "I'm looking sincere but just trying to annoy you with this" "I'm sorry"s to each of us- more than once. Then goes on this whole bender about how we should be having fun and WILL NOT FUCKING GO AWAY. Finally gets distracted and leaves and our happy conversation continues.

Enter Asshole #2-#5. I cannot distinguish clearly between them all but the basic gist is that they come up we chat for a second then we're like "ok go away" then they're like "no, come on" then we're like "no really- we're taken" then they're like "no, come on" then la sicilian grabs my arm and holds up the ring and yells "NO REALLY we're all taken go the fuck away". Now at this point something totally ludicrous happen [side note: why can't ludacris spell his name correctly because now I think that THAT is the correct spell and that makes me feel ghetto] so something completely ludicrous happens: they don't go away. They stay and fight with one of us while the others try to say other horrible things to make them go away. Around #4 I start making loud, one pitch endless gutteral sounds for several minutes on end to try and make them leave. I tried to fake cry but I couldn't muster the tears. Damn.

#5 tried to give La Sicilian his business card and I started literally yelling. I'm not sure if any one of you has actually seen me raise my voice but - yeah it's usually not pretty. Let me also say that it kind of scares Mr. Darcy but what I want him and you all to know is that most of the time I'm just pretending to be to make a point. This was half that- half real anger. I tried to level with him and say "listen- she's trying to tell me something important about our other friend who is in the bathroom so you need to leave before she gets back" that didn't work. HOW COULD THAT NOT WORK?! Do I need to write it in fucking sanskrit?! So that's kind of the mood I was in when he didn't listen so I started YELLING. La Sicilian didn't like my handling of it so she is still trying to talk him into leaving. He then stop... Oh my god I'm shaking just thinking about it.. And very snottily says "NO, you know I'm really interested in psychology and I want to know why you're acting this way". Now I'm fairly certain at this point 4 out of 5 of you would have thrown a punch [I don't think any guy would have gotten to Clem for she has a wall of girls to protect her from such an onslaught not to mention a boyfriend that probably have eaten this guy]. He then babbles on about whether it's the "urgency" of wanting to talk to my friend and (I don't know why I even answered) but I said "no it's because you're a fucking asshole and we told you to leave and you didn't fucking listen to us" he then left and La Sicilian said she could fight her own battles which was not what I wanted to hear and then OJ came back and I NEVER FOUND OUT WHAT LA SICILIAN WANTED TO SAY TO ME.

Now, at this point let me say that I really enjoy going out to bar and talking to people. I have been known to leave the groups I came with to go find other people to talk to. I HAVE NEVER ENCOUNTER ASSHOLES OF THIS NATURE MUCH LESS DROVES OF THEM.

I don't know what else to say than that.
I need to walk away again.

Ok. My heart rate is down again. Let's just leave it at that.

Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Thursday was going to be a quiet night at home alone. Yay! I was really looking forward to this. And then my phone rings at 2am. It was Cam. Wasted. He was coming over, which was fine. I'd rather him come over then drive home when he was a 7 on the drunk scale. (Have I shared this with you... 0:Sober- 10:Gonna be sick)

By Friday afternoon, I was ready to go out (read: drink heavily) which I did. Apparently, I get a tad bit jealous. So when I see Cam talking to another girl, I decided two can play this game. I find a friend of a friend, ND. While he hasn't come out yet, everyone thinks he is gay. This doesn't really stop me from shamelessly flirting and even dancing with him. By 12, I am an 8. I need to go home. Cam isn't ready so I leave alone. About thirty mins later I get a call from Cam "Did you leave with ND??" I immediately tell him, "No! I took a cab alone and am home in my bed alone. " Cam says he is on his way over. I pass out and don't hear him come in.
When I wake up Saturday morning, I realize I was umm...difficult and apologize. While Cam says he isn't mad, his actions tell another story.

So Saturday night, we go out to celebrate Cam's bday. I behaved and he got drunk. All in all it was a good time.

Sunday morning I fill him in on a few things he said. Petra happens to be home and also fills him in. She said "Yeah I saw some girl kiss you". He apologizes and says he doesn't remember, and Petra just said it wasn't a big deal, it was a goodbye kiss (peck).
So I am a little upset and said "Well I don't go around kissing people!!"
You know what is coming next right....

"You kissed ND on Friday. Why do you think I was so mad when someone told me you left with him!"

Wait...no...really....I don't remember....I didn't kiss him!

Yeah apparently I did. Oops. A big Oops. I felt SO bad. And I am sure Cam did as well.
So, lessons learned this weekend:
-don't go out with the intent to get wasted
-being friendly is ok- kissing other people not so much
-just because you don't remember something, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

After some apologies back and forth, we are back to being ok.

Hopefully everyone had a good weekend!!

Clem

OH!!!! Must I go to work today? Blech I don't feel like it.

-Scarlett

Your welcome!
- Scarlett

Clarification to previously left comments:
Anything Ditka is from SNL back in-- what the mid 90s? Something like that.

The second reference was as such and then I will break it down:

"The Colts should have never been in the super bowl in the first place since because if Tom Brady DOESN'T play in the super bowl and gets back into Heaven with Ben Affleck then God/Alanis is wrong and She cannot be infallible and the world ends. Therefore rooting for the Colts is like dividing by 0."

The Colts should have never been in the super bowl in the first place: the Indianapolis Colts played the New England Patriots in the AFC Championship in which they sold their souls to Satan(a.k.a. "the Traitor Vinatieri") to rally back 18 points and "win" and playing the Super Bowl.

since because if Tom Brady DOESN'T play in the super bowl: Tom Brady is the New England Patriots quarterback who has helped win the Super Bowl in 2001, 2003, and 2004. I became a Patriots fan about that time in the Great Compromise where I rooted for the Patriots so there would be peace in our house at least half the year in the months that don't have baseball.

and gets back into Heaven with Ben Affleck then God/Alanis is wrong and She cannot be infallible and the world ends.: this is a reference to the KICKINGEST ASS MOVIE EVER: Dogma where I am comparing Tom Brady (first picture) to Matt Damon (second picture)

in the movie Matt Damon plays the fallen angel Loki with Ben Affleck as Bartleby in which they try to reenter Heaven through a loop hole after God (wait for it.... played by Alanis Morrisette) expelled the many years ago and since God cannot be wrong it would be the end of the world.

Therefore rooting for the Colts is like dividing by 0.: This just confuses the hell out of me and I threw it in there for shits and giggles.

a.k.a. "the Traitor Vinatieri": Vinatieri used to be the kicker for the Patriots but left to play for the Colts in March.

in the months that don't have baseball.: though Mr. Darcy and I are rarely found watching sports that we are not woken up by Popadop and Snuff to go see, when we met I was a moderate Yankees fan (have rooted for the Mets a year or so before to impress a boy and they ended up losing and the boy wasn't really any catch either so I figured all around Yankees were a better deal) and Mr. Darcy a moderate Red Sox fan since they teach that to their children instead of math in their "commonwealth". Things escalated when I bought a "Boston Sucks 1918" shirt after a Yankees games (I'm just going to interject this one- 1918 was the last year the Red Sox won a World Series having traded Babe Ruth the next year and didn't win another world series until 2004- and then Katrina happened- coincidence?- I think not) yada yada yada Mr. Darcy and I yuck it up like we're the biggest fans of our teams ever and since I enjoy winning teams in general I have given the appearance of compromise and started rooting for another winning team- the Patriots.

BUUUUT as you can see I'm a big ole f-ing curse and my teams ain't doing so hot.

Ok that's it. I'd like to thank wikipedia for giving me more credible sounding data so I don't have to make it up.

OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!

I apologize for the profanity in the title to this rant but I think it sums up how my morning has been. Now, since I am not a daily rider of Metro, unlike TFMD, perhaps I am not in a position to rant but rant I will and you will read it and like it.

I was woken up at 5:10 this morning by a coworker letting me know that due to the very small amount of snow we received over night, we would not be opening until 10:00 today. On any other day this would have been welcomed news but I had a doctor appointment in DC at 9:00 so unfortunately, I was still going to have to get up at 6:30 no matter what.

I decided that it would be "easier" to metro to Foggy Bottom and then walk the 2 blocks to the doctors office instead of driving into DC and fighting traffic on Key Bridge to get to Whitehurst Frwy to get to K Street, etc. Perhaps before making this decision I should have thought more about TFMD and her stories of horror and wanting to push others down escalators and in front of moving trains.

Things started out fine. I was on track to be on time and I even had a seat (this is obviously b/c I boarded at the starting point for the train). Unfortunately, the Metro gods were out to fuck with me this morning those bastards. We pulled in to Ballston and were told that there was a disabled train at Clarendon. Next thing you know, OUR train has to go replace that train so off we go onto the platform. It's now 8:45 and I'm stuck on the platform at Ballston with all the other people from my train. Around 8:55 another train picks us up. This train has people on it which you know means all the people on the platform are NOT getting on this train. I am slowly and carefully making my way to the doors to board the train. However, the guy next to me believes he is more important and attempts to push me out of the way. I have two choices at this point: 1) turn to him and tell him to fuck off and not push me or 2) look at him and tell him to go ahead, I'll get out of his way. I chose option two.

Back on the train, standing in the middle feeling a little crowded. We make it to Virginia Square-GMU. We stop and wait. And wait. And wait some more. We are now told we are single tracking it between Clarendon and Foggy Bottom - the train that was having difficulties is actually at Courthouse. We finally move. It's now 9:05. I call the doctor, they tell me not to worry about being late.

We arrive at Courthouse. More people pile on the train. The conductor goes to close the doors. Low and behold, one of the doors won't close. The conductor probably tries to close the doors about five times. He tells us all five times to watch out, the doors are closing and to move so the doors will close. I can only assume that someone was too important and in too much of a hurry to move their fat ass b/c the doors still will not close. The conductor gets his revenge. "This train is now out of service. Everybody needs to step off the train." OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!!

I am now stuck at Courthouse, it is 9:20 and I am starting to think about punching random people. I also consider calling Popodop since I am just "downstairs" and asking her to meet me for a cigarette. I decide against this as I don't want to risk running in to other people from the old employer.

Two trains come and go. I do not attempt to board as that would be absurd considering how crowded they already are. I call the doctor and ask if I should resschedule. They tell me it's ok and not to worry about it. Finally, the third train is completely empty and we are on our way again. I finally make it to Foggy Bottom, get to the doctors office, check in at 9:50 for my 9:00 appointment. 25 minutes later I am done, out the door with a new birth control prescription and won't have to go to the gyno for another year. What a wonderful way to start my day!

So, that was my morning. How was yours?

Metro hater #1,497,362 - Margeaux

So ever since Clem made me get a MySpace account, I'm addicted and have since allowed 3 o'clock candy to suffer in my absence.

Let me catch you all up. First, I'm now working two jobs. I work part-time at the store (for the discount - will tell you about the deals of the century in a moment) and I'm now working as the Marketing / Box Office Assistant at that Branson-ey theatre owned by my friends and neighbors.

I've only just started at the theatre so I can't tell you much, except it's very cool to NOT have to deal with a whole committee of non-communicative people in the Finance dept before a decision is reached. It's also like stepping back in time to Mayberry. The town in which the theatre is located is SMALL. I live in P-town, population 40, 000 - that is small (lowercase) this place is SMALL (uppercase) The town or village rather seems to inhabit a street! Not kidding. It's primary source of employment are the restaurants and resorts which serve tourists who come for the boating on the beautiful lake across the street. Apparently, not too far away from the theatre is another town where the KKK live and breathe and regularly attend church on Sunday.

Juxtaposed from all of this Southerness is my co-worker, the box-office manager and actor. He is a transplant from NYC and a jew (which prolly makes him THE jew) and let's throw in the fact that he is gay for good measure. So we're destined to be good friends!

Yesterday I worked at both jobs so 12 hours later I was able to finally rest my weary bones and reflect on my recent cool purchases which are:


Bought at 1/2 price and a 20% discount! Yay me.
Also, I got two glass lamps for less than $60. Which I can't show you a pic of. Sorry!
The house is slowly coming together.

-Scarlett

Margeaux, Margeaux, Marrrrrgeau(oooooooh)x - how in the hell do you root for a team NOT from the city in which you last lived? Your text message confused me...

-Scarlett

PS - I made your name look like an algebra equation.


Oh! and everyone needs to watch Jesus Camp - a scary but true account of Pentecostals in America and after you watch you'll understand why I don't go to church unless somebody is getting hitched or has died. My dad's extended family is Pentecostal only they are SERIOUSLY Pentacostal and don't cut women's hair or wear make-up or watch tv. The group in the movie are most likely Charismatic which believe everything that the Pentecosts do except Charismatic women can cut there hair and wear pants. As a young adult my dad and I discussed our beliefs, I expressed my hesitation about the Pentecostal church, he, who didn't step foot in a church past the age of 16 save his wedding, defensively told me "I sent you to church with your Aunt b/c I thought GIRLS liked church" Thanks Dad, I'll send you the therapy bill!

I mean this seriously, thank goodness for my Jesuit education in college for restoring my belief in man's ability to approach God in a rationale manner. I'm agnostic, but if I had to be anything, I'd be a Jesuit or an Episcopalian. I have often felt envy for people with a faith, I feel that having a context in which to grieve must be a very comforting thing indeed.

Sorry to get all philosophical and shit!

Party on Wayne, party on Garth
- Scarlett

How is everyone this fine SuperBowl Sunday?
I'm rooting for the Da Bears b/c I didn't know where the Colts came from.

TFMD - check out my MySpace song - it's none other than Benjy Ferree.
I get to look all cool and stuff thanks to you.

- Scarlett

Update supporting evidence to previous graphs:
Night out at townie bar with Mr. Darcy and Popadop = No flossing.

I am weak and shamed.


...and going to floss. Really, Clean Paste is great, people.

For now I know that's there's a time and a place where I can choose/To walk the fine line between self-control and self-abuse


Wow, I suppose for all of you who didn't rock out to "Alcohol" by Barenaked Ladies- as only a truly insecure co-ed can do- that sounds almost frightening.

But it's not so... yeah.

Ok so many of you heard about January was an alcoholless month for me. And was even one night witnessed by Popadop and Snuff who I believe both suffered parallel mini-strokes at the mere idea. But nonetheless I persevered and learned some things along the way which brings me to...



... MY SUPER FUCKING GRAPHS!

So as you also may recall my suggestions that you should watch Demetri Martins: Person on comedy central because that is where i got this idea.

OK. First graph:

The title on this one is "amount of fun at poker, nighttimes, watching 24, watching all-comedies, weekends, watching football, concerts and (some) daytimes". This is the most obvious graph that shows that, in fact, not drinking makes most everything less fun. Well, actually it shows all of that but in positives but it's hard to portray your real mean while dealing in time, comparisons, drinking, and continuity through the rest of the graphs so LAY OFF!

My second graph: (ugh blogger, this is so not going to be fun if this is how long it takes you to load each- oh there we go)

is not surprisingly the amount of time i thought about drinking consider how things that should be fun were less so. BUT before AA and Linsday Lohan leave me rambling blackberry sent emails on my current pro-alcohol stand -note the abrupt change in the curve. That curve was last weekend. Basically what happen is I made my grand decision somewhere stuck in Delaware after New Years and then the thursday after that was finally 100% over the hangover and like "hmm is it february yet? how about now?.......how about now? ...ummm now?" And then 24 started and I was fondly remembering drinking for all my fallen homies (RIP Tony Almeda) last hour 1 and I cried a little tear. And then yada yada yada other things were less fun and i was spending a very similar amount of time on my bell curve wondering if i was an alcoholic and fretting and fretting and then-- last weekend I was in a bad mood. A fairly bad mood on scale of moods* for no apparent reason. Or rather a series of reasons that did not constitute a bad mood at all which made me in even a worse mood because there was no reason for the bad moods at all. And then it lifted. And then monday i didn't really care if i didn't have a beer after work and i didn't really care and so i count last weekend as my Trainspotting weekend and am just thankful i didn't see a baby crawling on the ceiling because that would have freaked my shit out.

Graph 3:
As you can see this graph was very interesting to plot. I am pre-disposed to saying/doing stupid things while sober (possibly off-putting suicide joke at department meeting, anyone?) with a small bit of alcohol the chances of saying/doing stupid things actually DROPS as I am aware that alcohol aids the stupidity and there is an interesting dance that occurs between my acting like Helen Mirren and acting like Britney Spears but in the end sure enough I end up blurting out - "hey did you guys just have sex!?" instead of ... whatever else I was planning on saying that time (which I think was more along the lines of "hey there you are"). Ugh. ANYWAY.

Graph 4.
This is my favorite/most likely to send me into a psychotic rage graph. You'll a) note that it remains the same whether i'm drinking or not - or at least that's what i'm trying to make it say b) that if i had my camera here it would be closely followed by a picture of my stomach which if i SWEAR TO GOD you say you see a space where a fetus would be living you get headbutted on the spot and i don't want to hear blah blah blah size of a grain of rice crap because you will be already on the ground having been headbutted. but c) i will tell you both times the "asking if pregnant occured". The first time occured the day before new years eve (new years eve eve of course) where i was AT A BAR DRINKING and pissed that no one had complemented me on my super awesome (slightly dorky) pluto shirt which Mr. Darcy, noting, my annoyedness of not being complemented said to La Sicilian "notice anything different about the future mrs. darcy" to which i sat back and put my hands on stomach to create a perfect frame for my super awesome tshirt (did i mention it was awesome?) to which she replied "are you pregnant?!" YEAH DUDE- buy me another beer then will ya?! Ugh. So time Numero Dos was at the lips of a very flaggergasted Popadop who nearly chewed her tongue out before asking to put at rest why I wasn't drinking in her head. Not "drinking in her head" as if i were a figment of the imagination like Clem's bf George "Cam" Glass but "drinking" being the "reason in her head"... whatever. It doesn't matter.

Next graph.

Nothing else is so correlary (dude - i totally swear that's a word- what gives firefox?!) as is the relationship of flossing and drinking in TFMD World. I have flossed for 31 consecutive days which is partially due to Clean Paste our kick ass new floss but mostly to the fact that I am not drinking since that's the only other thing that's changed ... besides the year and i know of no Year of the Pig Flossing Mandates, so ix-nay to that.

Ohh did i say nothing is more correlary (yeah i'm going to continue to use it) than flossing-- oh EXCEPT THIS:

Oh yeah that's right- V to the O to the M to the M to the I to the T to the T to the I to the N to the G. What led to Dry Jan in the first place. I tried to add an arrow to show you where the "chances of vomitting slim" to goes "to quick where the BLEH!" but the point is so specific that the arrow that shows it is MUCH too small for the human eye to see. Even the whale eye could not see it [yes, that was shout out to you, Mr Darcy].

So in conclusion- HOW CAN IT ONLY BE 2:15??? HONESTLY- THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FRICKIN' SNOW DAY PEOPLE, NOT THE LONGEST DAY IN CREATION!!- no that's wasn't it.

I'll leave you with the favorite phrase that I said to Mr. Darcy's Best Man once that he reminds me of every time I see him:

Mommy drinks because you cry.



*scale of moods graph not included

Here's a fun game to distract you from your bad memories:
It's called "Tough Love".

What you do is you post reasons why Cam hasn't gotten back to Clem in the 4,854 seconds since she last emailed him since APPARENTLY the fact that he has a time intensive job isn't a good enough reason.

Answers thus far have been:
• he found someone else and got married this afternoon
• he joined the circus
• he's turned gay
• he's really a post-op tranny and doesn't know how to tell clem
• he's a figment of her imagination that only she is able to see and talk to but the rest just patronize her and pretend they seem him too and it's really petra who's been sending the emails (sparingly though, to keep her in check) but now PETRA has run off and joined the circus and another one of their roommates is signed online under petra's name but doesn't know how often she should send "cam" emails
• he had to go back to the future
• he lost the post-it that told him his past with Clem and due to freakish memory loss does not know to email her
• his ship was attacked by the Dread Pirate Roberts (and is most likely being told "Good night, Cam. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.")
• abducted by aliens
• sucked into a black hole
• house landed on him
• decided he really wanted to drive to Hogwarts
• Clem forgot that she left him handcuffed to her bed and he cannot reach the phone much less a computer
• he's out killing hookers
• working on Clem's "dick in the box" Valentine's Day gift

Ok now it's your turn fair bloggers- points for creativity!

Oh and in my drunken state I thought smoking would be a good idea - I think you all know that sober I am VERY anti-smoking and this was very uncharacteristic of me. I fake smoked three cigarettes which means I didn't inhale, just held the smoke in my mouth like you do with cigars. What is wrong with me?????????????????

Avoiding mirrors,
Scarlett

OMG!!!!! I feel like crap. Why you ask? Well because Wednesday nights have been designated for meeting our friend Matt for drinks. I had too many said drinks and I had to use the excuse of snow being on the roads for why I could not attend my second day working for my friends' theatre. We got a mere dusting last night but it continues to flurry and will until this evening, so this is a flimsy excuse.

Don't "they" say that "alcoholic" is assigned, not on quantity, but how it "affects" your life. I think being too drunk-sick to work constitutes "affecting" my life - right?

Am I just being puritanical? Should I just rid myself of guilt and responsibility?

Oh and I decided that perhaps I should rid MySpace of any and all self-depricating stories of when I was sooo drunk I did this stupid thing or that stupid thing. I'm concerned that if any potential / future adoption agency were to do a character check that I would be deemed unfit for motherhood.

Shamefully Yours,
Scarlett